Steel Panther
Balls Out


4.0
excellent

Review

by BigHans USER (108 Reviews)
October 24th, 2011 | 232 replies


Release Date: 2011 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Forget the Mayan prophecy. If Steel Panther ever write a song that doesn't mention their cocks in some way, we'll know the apocalypse is here.

Steel Panther like to get straight to the point. Instead of trying to cleverly dance around subject matter intended only for mature audiences or incorporate thinly veiled innuendos with tongues stealthily planted in cheeks, they just come right out and write songs like “It Won’t Suck Itself” and have yet to pen a track that does not mention tits, baby gravy, drugs, STD’s, hookers, or their c*cks in some fashion. Parody is often rooted in irony, and while it’s ironic lead singer Michael Star actually holds a PHD in English literature yet writes lines like “Hit her in the sh*tter/treat her like a critter/f*ck your lady right/hit her in the sh*tter treat her like a critter/f*ck her poopy-chute,” it’s difficult to discern if they are indeed a tribute/parody band or if these guys are actually serious. Steel Panther’s mantra is to shamelessly ape the nostalgic power of hair metal with the much needed horsepower of lyrics that make 2 Live Crew sound like DC Talk, yet we are left questioning their true intentions because the music, at least in accordance with the genre, is simply outstanding.

The formula for hair metal is simple; there isn’t much beyond power chord riffs that usually segue into a melodic chorus with a fast yet probably simple guitar solo and vocals that routinely tradeoff from faux tenderness to nut-curdling wails. In other words, Steel Panther writes songs like Def Leppard and Don Dokken did but instead of talking about photographs and animals and unchaining the night they champion the cause of the abhorrent stripper that blew Justin Bieber at the petting zoo. Steel Panther’s undeniably sophomoric lyrics might have some ironic snark value if the music was terrible but demand a new level of appreciation in collision with well-executed c*ck rock. There are flavors of virtually every relevant hair band plastered all over “Balls Out” just like there was on their superior previous opus “Feel the Steel,” and they somehow continue to routinely outperform the very sages they are trying to emulate. Only Steel Panther can manage to have Chad Kroeger guest on a song about demanding strippers to gum their knobs and carrying a riff that clearly rips off Motely Crue and end up out Crue-ing Motely themselves. “Just Like Tiger Woods” and it’s wall-of-sound stadium-sized chorus is more Def Leppard than any post “Adrenalize” Leppard cut, the outrageously melodic yet filthy “Weenie Ride” is the power ballad Warrant’s Jani Lane absolutely would have written in the 80’s if Tipper Gore had never existed, and when Brett Michaels hears “17 Girls in a Row” he’s going to be insanely pissed off he didn’t think of the hook in 1987 while spending most of his time banging Hollywood trannies and mainlining equidistant IVs of Jack Daniels and insulin.

The best way to describe Steel Panther is imagine if Jon Bon Jovi, the dude from Ratt, Kip Winger, George Lynch, Joe Elliot, Nikki Sixx, and Tracii Guns collaborated on an album at their absolute peaks, only they didn’t have to worry about being censored or toning down the narratives of their sexual escapades. Steel Panther are rare because they clearly understand who they are trying to ape yet are one of the few parody acts that actually ends up being better than the original influence. If Steel Panther existed in 1986 exactly as they do today hair metal would probably not be as rivaled as it once was and still is in un-ironic forms. Of course none of us would have heard their powerful social commentary and the cost benefit analysis of banging a filthy groupie that is practically wearing a sign exclaiming exactly how disease ridden her nether-regions are, but in the end there is nothing more rock n roll than that. Steel Panther’s demographic is obviously hair metal fanatics, but there is a reason they sell out almost every live show in minutes while playing an almost universally reviled form of music. Of course it’s hilarious to anyone with an appreciation for sophomoric humor, but it simply wouldn’t matter if it didn’t sound phenomenal.



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user ratings (147)
Chart.
3.5
great

Comments:Add a Comment 
BigHans
October 24th 2011


26454 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

Its not out until next week but the band put all the songs on You Tube so fuck yeah enjoy.

BallsToTheWall
October 24th 2011


44373 Comments


HOLY FUCKING SHIT BALLS

Digging: Pharmakon - Abandon

Tyrael
October 24th 2011


20876 Comments


Nice album cover

Digging: Darkspace - Dark Space III I

JWT155
October 24th 2011


9259 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

Can't wait to hear this.

Digging: Death From Above 1979 - The Physical World

BallsToTheWall
October 24th 2011


44373 Comments


A.O.T.Y

fish.
Contributing Reviewer
October 24th 2011


21964 Comments


I was wondering this morning what the response would be if you'd ask these guys about what they think of Judas Priest

MisterTornado
Contributing Reviewer
October 24th 2011


4507 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Gonna give this a spin, fuck it.

Poet
October 24th 2011


5933 Comments


"it’s difficult to discern if they are indeed a tribute/parody band or if these guys are actually serious."

lol I know you're smarter than this Hans.

Still waiting for a Steel Panther/Gunther collaboration.

BigHans
October 24th 2011


26454 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

I was wondering this morning what the response would be if you'd ask these guys about what they think of Judas Priest

^ Im pretty sure they would say fuck yes.

TheVoiceAndTheSnake
October 24th 2011


3663 Comments


"17 Girls In A Row" is an awesome track and the message it brings is so meaningful.

Inveigh
October 24th 2011


24968 Comments


badass review dude


gonna have to jam this today for sure

AliW1993
Contributing Reviewer
October 24th 2011


7338 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

Not gonna lie, I can't fucking wait to hear this, Feel The Steel was hilarious.

BigHans
October 24th 2011


26454 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

Its not as good as Feel the Steel but thats not a knock on this since Feel the Steel is like the best album ever.

Ire
October 24th 2011


41780 Comments


band plays every week here in vegas


too cool for that yo

BigHans
October 24th 2011


26454 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

dude youre gay if they do that and you live there and you've never seen them. Then again youre probably not old enough to get in.

Ire
October 24th 2011


41780 Comments


they're also 21+ with like a 5 drink minimum


i actually wanted to go :/

BigHans
October 24th 2011


26454 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

someday dude. Lets hope they don't OD on blow before you're old enough.

Muse1748
October 24th 2011


160 Comments


Hilarious review; made me laugh out loud at work. Have a pos, sir.

Muse1748
October 24th 2011


160 Comments


Edit: damn double post.

BigHans
October 24th 2011


26454 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

Thanks dude m/



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