Metallica
Reload


1.5
very poor

Review

by BigHans USER (108 Reviews)
June 10th, 2011 | 57 replies | 6,465 views


Release Date: 1997 | Tracklist

Review Summary: An embarrassing disgrace to Metallica.

22 of 25 thought this review was well written

Metallica are the greatest metal band ever for one reason and one reason only. Instrumentation wise, they are obviously competent yet average in accordance with their peers. Several bands thrashed harder in the 80’s and most of those thrashers who thrashed hard didn’t end up cutting their hair to get attention from Rolling Stone. Most importantly, those thrash metal heroes didn’t act like limp wristed wet-ends embroiled in mid-life crisis (Some Kind of Monster) like Metallica, or if they sobbed like disenfranchised school girls behind the scenes, they were smart enough to know that being f*cking metal means you do not ever, never, f*cking ever sip $9 waters, eat fruit, and cry to a therapist on film. The beastly man who used to pound beers while taking a break from being the epitome of awesome at concerts and used to lead crowds in chants of “F*CK YEAH JAMES” was reduced to the epitome of a man who is UN-METAL. And while we are ranting about St. Anger aside, let’s get back to the point about why Metallica is the greatest metal band ever and why "ReLoad" unequivocally sucks so hard.

The reason Metallica are the greatest metal band comes down to song-writing ability. Every album before “ReLoad” (and I’m counting “Load” to a certain extent) is absolutely bursting with metal anthems that ride massive hooks and sing along choruses explicitly designed to pump fists and crush skulls, but the most important thing is they were painstakingly constructed and intrinsically structured to be easy to remember. James and Lars have had their share of douche moments and the latter’s actual musical ability is highly questionable, but they were geniuses in knowing that the most important thing in rock music is to write songs that people can easily grasp and latch on to, and in the case of metal, thrash hard with confidence of knowing the words. There was always a flow to Metallica, a laser-like focus among the flying riffs and songs about war and death. Execution was key and the formula was always apparent, the proof lying in the distinct lack of filler in their first 5 or 6 albums, depending who you ask.

“St. Anger” was a terrible album and time for Metallica, but taken in context is only about 1/10th as embarrassing as “ReLoad.” Sure, a lot of people think “Load” sucked merely because they think Metallica sold out, but it’s difficult to deny that from a structural standpoint it is an extremely well written and executed Hard Rock album. The problem with “ReLoad” is that while Metallica was entering the downside of their prime, they were still at the point where they had the capability to follow that formula of successful songwriting as evidenced on “Load.” The crux with “ReLoad” resides in its nature, ie the fact it is bristling with the garbage that wasn’t good enough to put on “Load.” It is absolutely a record of throw-away songs, which upon one listen is as strikingly apparent as standing next to someone who just dropped a hot steaming load into their pants. Sure, “Fuel” has an ok riff and “Prince Charming” is kind of a lost gem, but the majority of “ReLoad” sounds like it was written by Hetfield when he was passing the time taking a sh*t and may have been a few tunes Lars had in his head while playing impossibly bad tennis. It carries none of the enthralling hooks and anthemic overtones of past Metallica records, and it’s completely f*cking boring, devoid of any soul and a literal blueprint to the definition of the word filler.

In the past Metallica’s worst was still as strong as many band’s best efforts, but the punch-less, wallowing nature of ReLoad goes to show it was absolutely a crash grabbing tactic and the band obviously did not give a sh*t at all about its quality, completely divergent to how much effort they put into “St. Anger.” “Anger” sucked at a level of suckage previously thought unattainable, but they were genuinely trying there. It was misguided and unequivocally atrocious, but they actually gave a sh*t, if anything probably too much. “ReLoad” is an album that I am ashamed to have purchased. “The Unforgiven 2” is a flat out embarrassing retread of one of their all-time classics. “Slither,” “Carpe Diem,” “Devil’s Dance,” and “Where The Wild Things Are” are probably four of the worst 5 songs Metallica ever wrote, and “The Memory Remains” is absolutely the worst single in their history, complete with Marianne Faithful resembling a braying, disease ridden goat in the songs coda. “Fixxxer” is obviously the festering remains of the “Bleeding Me/Outlaw Torn” epic writing sessions, and “Low Man’s Lyric,” while displaying some kind of ironic campiness for trying to sound Celt, was certainly one of the worst ideas that ever popped into Ulrich’s already massive cranium. When Metallica actually does remember “holy sh*t, we’re Metallica, we should probably have a few songs that actually try to rock,” as seen on “Bad Seed,” “Better Than You,” and “Attitude,” the bite is as toothless as a sister f*cking inbred from Sweet Home Ala-bam. It’s a shame. It’s embarrassing. It’s worse than James quitting drinking and setting back the metal race about 8 light years.

When a great entity loses their ability (St. Anger), its more sad than anything. When a great entity still has the ability to be great but mails it in in the most epic form imaginable, its actually infuriating. Hetfield probably seriously regrets screaming “FRANTIC TICK TICK TICK TOCK” in completely obvious mid-life crisis mode, but he should absolutely be more embarrassed for putting out “ReLoad,” as it is his and Metallica’s worst effort and a disgrace to metal and the band’s legacy. On the “Load” tour everyone screamed along when James told the crowd to yell “F*CK YEAH” before his name. On The “ReLoad” tour, changing “yeah” to “you” would have been more appropriate. ReLoad sucks.



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user ratings (3067)
Chart.
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other reviews of this album
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Comments:Add a Comment 
KILL
June 10th 2011



71482 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

lol

Digging: Invisible - El jardin de los presentes

BigHans
June 10th 2011



26455 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

review sucks and is a total rant but whatever, the Metallica authority has spoken.

demigod!
June 10th 2011



44152 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

lol

Digging: Failure - Magnified

demigod!
June 10th 2011



44152 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

pos

KILL
June 10th 2011



71482 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

good review man i dont think fuel has a ok riff though prob the most generic shitty ass riff ever

demigod!
June 10th 2011



44152 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

fuel rocks man it's such a party rockin song
rest sucks

demigod!
June 10th 2011



44152 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

fuel is the extra .5 to my rating

KILL
June 10th 2011



71482 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

nah fuel sucks hard always hated it

carpe diem baby is the worst metallica song though

wabbit
June 10th 2011



6988 Comments


this is how you review a goddamn album.

omnipanzer
June 10th 2011



21442 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

pos w/o even reading.... because it's right.

Yotimi
June 10th 2011



6472 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

surprised this is the first review below 3

Digging: Millie and Andrea - Drop The Vowels

balcaen
June 10th 2011



3183 Comments


i lol'd heartily. good man

metallica is really not that terrible of a thrash band though. they're how i got into metal. fuck.

BigHans
June 10th 2011



26455 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Balcaen I am Metallica fanboy #1 I have the Black album 5'd but this is just garbage.

omnipanzer
June 10th 2011



21442 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

@ balcaen, but it wasn't because of this album I would wager.

Tyrael
June 10th 2011



20825 Comments


I really don't know where they went wrong. The Black Album was so good...

MarvellousG
June 10th 2011



368 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

I agree, pos.

Psychopathologist
June 10th 2011



1924 Comments


inb4 GIMME FU GIM FAI

KILL
June 10th 2011



71482 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

black album was the first fuck up tbh and load was where they cut their hair so yea RIP

Psychopathologist
June 10th 2011



1924 Comments


except black album is terrible

BigHans
June 10th 2011



26455 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Black album rapes and Load is an excellent Hard rock album as long as you realize thats what its meant to be.

Thanks for Pos' guys



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