Off Minor
The Heat Death of the Universe


5.0
classic

Review

by Alex Robertson STAFF
March 28th, 2011 | 459 replies | 14,340 views


Release Date: 2003 | Tracklist


The Heat Death of the Universe is called such because what else could it be called? I mean, this is, like, cosmic shit, right? Time stops when this album starts, though I’ve always despised things (mostly, pieces of art, although other things too [although everything is art, right?]) that hype themselves up to be whatever they want you to think they are through means that aren't directly related to the art itself (e.g. album titles). Like, Heat Death of the Universe. Woooahhhh. The universe? It’s going to fucking explode. Or something, I think--it sounds big, is all. Off Minor’s 2003 “screamo” (eurgh) masterpiece is twenty-three minutes of worlds ending divided up into nine mini-apocalypses that are sometimes slow and sometimes fast, sometimes with and sometimes without vocals; it lives a full life and dies probably a million times throughout its length but is nice enough to condense it down to nine. Cosmic bullshit, right? Man, it dies like a MILLION times.

This is a sort of confusing album in the respect that any real thing that can be said about it (“it sounds like jazz and punk!”? Really, does it?) is pretty much psychotic horseshit because this is one of those albums that probably shouldn’t succeed or work at all. It’s ridiculous; it’s also organic and all that (which is where the “million deaths” thing comes from, although a million might be pushing it.) So while I never trust sites like lyricsmode.com or whatever for this type of thing, they almost certainly got something right with “Good things go for those who wait too long to say / But who's to say that this is the end / I am / This time we have permanence / This time we are separated by an infinite distance.” See, I’m not only the only one talking about permanence and life and death! Still, it’s hard to shake the feeling that this type of album just completely fucks with our brains and makes us think it’s about something when it’s really about something else. On that note, what is that cover? Is it intentionally sparse? Like, a life post-humanity--something like a Sheeler painting for the hardcore crowd? “Humanity sucks” or variants of it seem like obvious “screamo” (I can’t bring myself to unquote that term) fodder, but never like this. “People who need people are the wretchedest in the world,” goes the oft-quoted “This Is a Hostage Situation,” but that’s underselling it. This album never makes its intentions obvious, because “what do you see in me?”, the next song asks.

I’m not sure that sentence was structured quite perfectly, but that’s sort of how Off Minor ask and not-really answer their own questions. Why is “who you are” not a function of “where you are?” Because the old you met the new you and held a sign that said “welcome back”. That’s the sort of thing that almost makes sense tonight and then makes no sense the evening after; same with some of the music (like, instruments and melodies and whatever) on here. Why does the album have those weird ostensively “jazzy” sections with, like, tight playing (weird!)? This is a screamo album, right? This review has already written itself into corners and circles. Of course it has. The album ends with a cover of Thelonious Monk’s “Off Minor”. Here comes the guitar man, walking down the street and playing his tune. And, oh shit, it’s the end of the world.



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user ratings (513)
Chart.
4.4
superb
other reviews of this album
zach (5)
But Monday morning quarterbacks always focus on the bad...

HSThomas (4.5)
A screamo album that is not guilty of "buttfucking complicity."...

Sam Feldman's Rating (5)
...

Jared W. Dillon (5)
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Comments:Add a Comment 
robertsona
Staff Reviewer
March 28th 2011



14886 Comments


lol

wabbit
March 28th 2011



6755 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

YES YES YES YES!

liledman
March 28th 2011



3817 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

wut

theacademy
March 28th 2011



27703 Comments


Periphery - Periphery

witchxrapist
March 28th 2011



10733 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

I always overlook Off Minor, but goddamn they rule.

RCKilm
March 28th 2011



232 Comments


"and makes us thing it’s about something"

second para.

i prob need this.

ConsiderPhlebas
March 28th 2011



6157 Comments


Not as good as b4k's Kesha review, but it's close

iarescientists
March 28th 2011



5863 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

ugh

robertsona
Staff Reviewer
March 28th 2011



14886 Comments


gotcha

SeaAnemone
March 28th 2011



18853 Comments


review made me puke an infinite number of times, infinitely

iFghtffyrdmns
March 28th 2011



7047 Comments


don't you just hate when someone's writing causes you to incessantly empty the contents of your stomach onto your keyboard? such a buzzkill.

erasedcitizen
March 28th 2011



716 Comments


This review is annoying : ()

YetAnotherBrick
March 28th 2011



4339 Comments


Wow, I loved this review. Have a pos, man. Good stuff.

Digging: Battles - Mirrored

plane
Staff Reviewer
March 28th 2011



6073 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

Is this a review? I mean, like, sit down and read it-- it's called a review (as such things usually are; it talks about music, critically, even, so there is that) but does it read like one? Can you read it at all? I think so; but then again, you shouldn't want to. What else should it be called? An Alex Robertson production? Oh, okay.

robertsona
Staff Reviewer
March 28th 2011



14886 Comments


hahahahahahaha

DBlitz
March 28th 2011



1685 Comments


what is this

SeaAnemone
March 28th 2011



18853 Comments


I lol'd Lewis

robertsona
Staff Reviewer
March 28th 2011



14886 Comments


was probably one of them higher ups

Hep Kat
March 28th 2011



14026 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

omg duh-rah-muh



luv it

Digging: Fucked Up - Year of the Dragon

robertsona
Staff Reviewer
March 28th 2011



14886 Comments


"Ok. cool probably got a good idea of who troll negged my own review. I'm guessing Sea or Planewreck
but I'll just leave it at that."

lol



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