Review Summary: Stay away. Far away.
Me in record store, circa 1981:
Me: A new KISS album? I should be cautious after the poppy tripe of Unmasked, but hey, they did promise their heaviest album yet, so….
I buy record, go home and put it on. Fanfare begins….
Me: Wait, what the hell? Strings? Oboes? Flutes? This can’t be KISS! I must have accidently bought an Emerson, Lake And Palmer CD instead. I’ll just check.
I check record, and to my horror…
Me: It IS KISS????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Those were pretty much my initial reactions to KISS’s nadir, 1981’s epically awful Music From “The Elder”. Basically here’s the whole plot so far: original drummer Peter Criss had left a few years previously and a new drummer Eric Carr was hired. 1980’s pop trash sell-out attempt Unmasked barely made gold and the band promised a return to their roots with their next album.
And then producer Bob Ezrin entered the circle. Ironically, he was the man behind KISS breakthrough album Destroyer, as well as Pink Floyd’s epic rock opera The Wall. So what did Paul and Gene do? They couldn’t have jumped on the band-wagon AGAIN could they? Oh yes they did. Inspired by The Wall and Tommy by the Who, KISS changed their plans and did a concept album, which angered guitarist Ace Frehley so much he left the band.
And you can’t blame him. This album is just so awful, it’s no surprise the 80’s were mocked so much. Filled to the brim with medieval instruments that have a bash at trying to be epic, but merely come off as plain stupid [see Fanfare], lots of synthesisers [again, not a KISS thing], shown a fair deal with Just A Boy and Under The Rose, dodgy ballads, which can be best expressed with A World Without Heroes, where Gene attempts to sing, which fails because he’s a growler, not a singer, and blatant heavy metal rip offs [The Oath]. Dust it all off with awful production [good god Bob, what have they done to you?] and ta-da! You’ve got a potential contender for worst album ever.
This even affects some of the album’s few highlights. Only You starts out with some great riffs which do seem a bit Sabbath-esque but with Gene back to growling, this eventually becomes an interesting song…. until an absolutely awful plethora of synths break in and ruin it completely. The Oath could have been good if they weren’t trying to rip-off Iron Maiden, but Dark Light and Escape From The Island are nice songs, as they sound the most like KISS of old. The former shines with Ace’s vocals and the latter shows a great drum performance from Eric Carr. And that’s pretty much all that’s good about this album…. if you could call it that.
The album’s really, REALLY low point though are the lyrics. If you’re gonna make a concept album, you’ve got to nail the lyrics. The lyrics here are truly awful here: Mr. Blackwell’s chorus goes “You’re a victim, you’re a disgrace, you should be banished from the human race”. Tough talk, Gene. And don’t check out I, filled with pompous, arrogant lyrics and endless cries of “I believe in me!” As the song’s 5 minutes long, this definitely gets boring. Quickly. The album’s sheer low point lyrics-wise is Odyssey. Even longer and plodding than I, this piece of durge is full of lyrics that are not only clichéd (“From a far off galaxy, I hear you calling me”) but downright stupid (“Stand the stallion and the mare”). The worst offence though is that the plot is painfully hard to follow, making this album an epic failure from start to finish.
Overall, if you’re looking for some good KISS to add to your collection, stay far, far away from this one. It’s boring, non-sensical and downright laughable. Stick with KISS or Destroyer, because this album is, to paraphrase Pedro, mythologically awful.
Recommended Downloads – Dark Light, Escape From The Island
