Review Summary: Hahahahaha they deleted my reviews again, as if that's gonna stop me, oh, well, This is a good album that Mike (jackson) Patton would be proud of!4 of 10 thought this review was well written
Well, good evening everyone, I must start off this sordid affair of reviewing Dir en Grey's debut record with a joke that is sure to please even the most asshole-y people.
What do you call a cow that can't make milk?
An UDDER failure!
HAHAHAHAHA Oh it's so funny! I crack myself up! But that's besides the point, the point is that Dir En Grey are here, and they have some sort of obsession with the germans. And I guess it makes sense, because if every white dude has "yellow fever" then Japanese dudes must have "milky fever" now, this isn't racist, because it's in a joke, and jokes are meant to be laughed at. If a serial killer came at you with a knife, would you gasp and run in fear? No, you sit where you are and you start laughing, this is just the way things work. And Dir en Grey understands this, with crazy song titles like "Schwein no Isu" which I think means "Pig chair" Because some people obviously really enjoy sitting on pigs.
You people might be wondering what this band even sounds like, and I do not have a very good answer to that question, because, frankly I cannot describe their sound for the life of me, I know they have guitars and drums and bass and some crazy dude on vocals, but that's it, they mesh so many different rhythms and riffs into one song that it's hard to discern what the hell is going on. It's almost as if you got System of a Down, stabbed Serj Tankian, replacing him with some psychopath named "Kyo" and giving songwriting responsibilities to an acid-ridden Mike Patton. Yep...that is how I describe their sound. And I bet you all are imagining stuff like I was, so I'm going to give you some of my notes for each of the songs since I know you guys are all into that. Please note that I don't write down everything that happens in the song, and I think that spoils the song anyways, so I want to give you my impression of each song with one short sentence (joke)(relevant joke) for each song, because I thi---
Ha ha I was just kidding song by song reviews are for fags! =)
The album starts off with a track called "Mode of Adam" that probably has nothing to do with the bible, but I don't know Japanese, even though the only vocals on the song are in german, (he's counting down from 10 for some dumb reason) and there's ***ing carnival music! No, this isn't Mr. Bungle, because when the track "Schwein no Isu" starts everything goes to hell, multiple rhythms and riffs maeke it impenetrable at first listen, and each listen afterwards reveals new things! Oh I love records that do that! Don't you? Oh yeah, you can't respond because you are just internet people who have no mouths... yes... Only fingers...
Just like any album it continues on like this for a few songs until BAM "Cage" comes on, and everyone sees what this band is capable of, this, unlike the first few songs is completely cohesive, and surprisingly, it still sounds like the same band. The intro is beautiful, the guitars flow naturally and Kyo puts forward such a beautiful melody that it causes angels to spurt "angel dust" all over the people's faces!
I have to end all the happiness right here, otherwise you might wonder why I gave it an 85 instead of a perfect 100, well, I have to be honest. The album is too long. And it's mainly the fault of 2 10 minute songs. "Mazohyst of Decadence" and "Akura no Oka" both of which could have been cut from the album, and we wouldn't have lost anything. But They decided that they had to have "epics" and I decided that they need to be bitch slapped. Where is a ***ing pimp when I need one?