Review Summary: The Generation X punk has ditched the rock for Christmas lounge.
The Winter cold blows a hearty December wind across the windows, as the shutters tremble in respect. A yuletide fire inside warms the cozy darkened room, illuminated by the flame's incandescent glow and the multitude of twinkling lights, nestled within the eight foot Christmas fir. Arranged before you lie the materials needed for a private night in preparation for the twenty-fifth: Colorful wrap, scissors and tape, a large mug of cocoa (with entirely too many marshmallows) and a sizable pile of gifts, stacked by rank in size. To complete the atmosphere and bring the entire night together, a new musical purchase has been made, special, just for the occasion!
Flashback six hours prior: Doing a bit of last minute shopping through a major music retailer, you are all of a sudden stopped dead in your tracks! An item before you that you never would have (nor could have) imagined in a hundred years: Billy Idol has released a Christmas album!
Happy Holidays. The '80s rebel is now fancied up in a suit and tie and he's all business when it comes to Christmas. Sitting behind a piano adorned with gifts, flashing a smile of questionable sincerity, Billy is ready to play for you some of his holiday favorites. You cannot go home now without this; forever to wonder what that mysterious, cheaply produced, strangely out of place Christmas compilation would sound like? Does it rock? Is he going to kick ass all over Christmas? Will he class it up, like David Bowie and Bing Crosby --- pleasing generations to come with his holiday warmth and charm? Or maybe he'll just make a mess of everything? The questions are too much to leave unanswered --- so you surrender your seven or eight dollars and you go home with the most conspicuous release of Billy Idol's thirty-year career.
Sitting before your coffee table, wrapped in a zebra Snuggie, you push play upon the stereo remote before reaching for the first of many Christmas gifts waiting to be wrapped, unwrapped and cherished by the ones you love. You begin to wrap your largest gift, a big screen flat panel television for your brother. Not the cheap brand, either. As you roll out the paper, the ring of jingle bells set the mood before giving way to what could be a programmed Casio sample to the tune of
“Frosty the Snowman.” Wow, we're really gonna do this, Billy? A mild-mannered vocal chimes in with the all too recognizable opening lines of the children's favorite. Although this may not sound like a high point in the career of Billy Idol, he does manage to execute the song with a genuine sense of enthusiasm and candor. As though his interests aren't only in cashing in on his fans, but in actually having a good time and spreading his brand of Christmas cheer.
One of the finer moments of the album is in the classical acoustic performance of
“God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen” where the song plays like a recreation of Christmases centuries ago, graced with the baddest '80s rocker's heartfelt vocals. Idol's take on the song sounds like a classic stage production --- with impeccable casting in the lead.
Wrapping a newborn puppy into a box, you've diligently worked to complete half the task through some very standard renditions of traditional holiday classics, like
“Let it Snow,” “Winter Wonderland” and
“Blue Christmas.” But where is the rock? The sneer and the first pump? The most rock'n'roll Christmas song of all, Check Berry's
“Run Rudolph Run” is played with energy, but no percussion. The original outruns it by great lengths. As you glance over the linear notes, you come across a message from Billy (in lucida calligraphy font) that offers a rational explanation for the Christmas restraint:
“ ...most probably essential at Christmas, is that the music, is in the spirit, knowing that family, friends and children might be listening. I wanted a selection that would please all, while still exploring the awe and mystery that is Christmas.”
Continuing to the wrap the assortment of pricey, lavish gifts for all your friends and family, you cant help but think a drawback to this festive set of renditions is the borderline unprofessional artwork and packaging. It almost appears as if this one came straight from Billy's pocket. A gift, from the heart of Billy Idol, to the customers of major retail outlets everywhere. It does include one original composition,
“Christmas Love,” a new song that sounds a bit like every Adam Sandler song written before or after The Wedding Singer. Even though the album doesn't offer much variety or punch, it does make for wonderful background music during festive times. In fact, it's like every quality collection of Christmas favorites you already own --- only Billy Idol sings all the songs on this one.
You begin to wrap your final present, a gift to your precious love --- A twelve-thousand dollar necklace. You probably shouldn't have spent all the money. But you did. And you feel great.
“Silent Night” begins, and the tenderest Billy Idol on record carols the refrain
“Sleep in heavenly pe – ace. Sle – ep in heavenly peace.” You can't help but feel the joy of the season, and for a moment, possibly the first in your life --- you feel at peace.
Suddenly there is a pounding on the door! A foot kicks past the locks and a large man enters your home pointing a rifle in your direction!
“Where's my money?!”
“What?”
“You owe me my money!” is the last thing you hear before a bullet tears through your chest. You pass easy, having just had your heart touched by the warm holiday sentiment of Billy Idol and his Christmas release,
Happy Holidays.
