Darkthrone
Goatlord


1.5
very poor

Review

by keysofanxiety USER (9 Reviews)
October 20th, 2009 | 791 replies


Release Date: 1996 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Not only a bad Darkthrone album, but an insult to Black Metal music.

Darkthrone. Undoubtedly a band highly cherished in the Black Metal industry, but recently becoming a bit more of a joke. Unfortunately, this ghastly album is no exception.

Picture the scene: having listened to (and loved) the likes of ‘Transylvanian Hunger’ and ‘Total Death’, I stumble upon this record in an isolated shop, and without a second thought hand over my cash to the gremlin-like shopkeeper. Once home, I eagerly put this CD into the player, easing the volume on the speakers up a few notches for good measure. Trembling with anticipation, I press the ‘play’ button.

Suddenly, my ears are treated to a horrific sound, one so ungodly that I thought my neighbour’s cat was being raped by a giant cactus. Certainly, Darkthrone are renowned for their dubious production, which personally isn’t much of a problem for me, but this record really does take the p*** a little. The introduction to “Rex” is basically appalling; a simple uninspiring chromatic riff played on the guitar, with a needless amount of treble. Unfortunately, there aren’t enough words in the English language to articulate how s**t this song sounds. Nevertheless, as a huge fan of their earlier work, I took a deep breath, and continued to listen, hoping that this album would get a little better.

One of the things I liked about earlier Darkthrone material was the fact that the production added something unique to the albums; a real atmospheric feeling which reminded me of forests, cellars, and all the rest of it. This record, however, reminds me that bad production doesn’t make a good Black Metal album. You see, the songs are frankly dull and uninspiring.

Furthermore, Darkthrone have managed to create a uniquely produced record- that being one with callous treble on the melody, and startling amounts of bass on the rhythm parts. It is like nothing I have ever heard before.

But my quarrel with this record surpasses even the horrible production, and the pathetic song writing. The vocals on a Darkthrone record always impressed me; they were mournful, evil, and strangely moving. On ‘Goatlord’, however, the singer sounds like he’s vomiting into a well, whilst eating gravel. The vocals are simply ghastly; not unpleasant, not ‘could be better’, but ghastly.

Take the 2nd track, ‘Pure Demonic Blessing’, for instance. Following the vocalists God-awful ‘growling’, he begins to wail noises that sound like a mixture of very bad clean vocals, and somebody having an orgasm while listening to a Margaret Thatcher speech.

To review this abhorrent album song by song is simply soul destroying, but for the basis of you loyal Sputnik fans, I’ll try my best to give you an overall perspective of the rest of the album.

The third track entitled ‘The Grimness of Which Shepherd’ is unreservedly dreadful. I dare you to listen to the first 10 seconds without putting a gun to your own head. It’s utterly awful, and kicks in with some misplaced female vocals (yes, female vocals. . . at least that’s what it sounds like).
I’d love to go on reviewing each track, but without giving too much away, I’m pretty much going to say similar things. There’s simply nothing good whatsoever about this album- it doesn’t even make a good Frisbee. If I was to summarise this album in one word, it certainly wouldn’t be “pleasant”. Infact, it’s even beyond disappointing.

It’s a shame I can’t rate this outrageous pile of c**p less than 1, but since I’m feeling quite generous, I’ll give it 1.5.

The 1.5 being the ‘Darkthrone’ label on the cover, nothing more.

Highlights of this album:

The moment before pressing ‘play’.

Avoid:

This album.



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user ratings (149)
Chart.
2.9
good
other reviews of this album
OvDeath (5)
Goatlord is a twisting, monstrous, writhing mass of ugly and expansive metal....

Amber Asyylum (4)
....


Comments:Add a Comment 
joshuatree
Emeritus
October 20th 2009


3742 Comments


but recently becoming a bit more of a joke


foad

fireaboveicebelow
October 20th 2009


6837 Comments


good review, darkthrone are rarely worth anyone's time

BallsToTheWall
October 20th 2009


44805 Comments


one so ungodly that I thought my neighbour’s cat was being raped by a giant cactus. That gave me a hearty laugh. Nice review. And take that back Fire.

Digging: Pink Turns Blue - If Two Worlds Kiss

Carnifex
October 20th 2009


1918 Comments


Darkthrone brings teh lulz, whether its the black metal version or the new punkish material.

keysofanxiety
October 20th 2009


143 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

If you'd care to read the following paragraph, joshuatree, I think you'll find that I'm rather fond of other Darkthrone albums. I just found this one a massive disappointment- to say the very least.

Countorous
October 20th 2009


169 Comments


goatlordz

fireaboveicebelow
October 20th 2009


6837 Comments


And take that back Fire.
what! aside from the first three records and Hate Them, nothing else is that great

BallsToTheWall
October 20th 2009


44805 Comments


All I needed to hear, just assumed you meant "all" Darkthrone.

Crysis
Staff Reviewer
October 20th 2009


16478 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

Album is boring as fuck.

illmitch
October 20th 2009


5429 Comments


darkthrone is fucking amazing, gtfo if you disagree

Crysis
Staff Reviewer
October 20th 2009


16478 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

older darkthrone is fucking amazing, gtfo if you disagree


fixed

keysofanxiety
October 20th 2009


143 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Yes, illmitch, but not ALL of Darkthrone's stuff is good.

I think it's important to know when to stop giving people credit. Let me assure you, had any other band released 'Goatlord', everybody would have slated it.

Darkthrone have made some brilliant albums. Saying that, they've also made some pretty bad ones, and I think this is one of them.

illmitch
October 20th 2009


5429 Comments


oh i definitely agree that this album is shitty. but saying that darkthrone in general is bad, as other people were, is idiocy.

and new darkthrone rules too tbh

keysofanxiety
October 20th 2009


143 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Oh, ok, fair enough illmitch =)

In all honesty I haven't heard that much of new Darkthrone, so it's difficult for me to judge.

By the way- aren't you going to give your rating for this album? ='( I'm curious to see what you'd give it.

Crysis
Staff Reviewer
October 20th 2009


16478 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

New Darkthrone is embarrassing. They should just change band names.

keysofanxiety
October 20th 2009


143 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

How about they change it to "Lighthrone?"



Countorous
October 21st 2009


169 Comments


how about no

illmitch
October 21st 2009


5429 Comments


it's not embarrassing at all, it's them saying "fuck reinventing transilvanian hunger, we're going to pay homage to the music that inspired us and reinvent our sound"

GOT NOTHING TO PROVE
JUST A HELLISH ROCK N ROLL FREAK
YOU CALL YOUR METAL BLACK
IT'S JUST PLASTIC LAME AND WEAK

keysofanxiety
October 21st 2009


143 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Well, aren't you Mr Cheerful, Countorous?

Crysis
Staff Reviewer
October 21st 2009


16478 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

It's just too bad because they completely ruin the music which inspired them. Darkthrone needs to stop.



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