Alestorm
Captain Morgan's Revenge


1.5
very poor

Review

by Cracker Jack USER (5 Reviews)
October 17th, 2009 | 61 replies | 4,271 views


Release Date: 2008 | Tracklist

Review Summary: fags are trying to be pirates, just say no.

4 of 23 thought this review was well written

Do you like the concept of pirates? They’re a bunch of dudes riding around the ocean stealin’ stuff, sea bandits, if you will. Pirates are pretty amazing, and dude, besides, they get booty. Honestly, they’re metal enough, parrots, sea sailing and all, and we don’t need a uninspired power metal band trying to jump aboard pirate ships and trying to take that concept with them and make a fairly below average power metal record out of it.

What could be so bad about Alestorm’s Captain Morgan’s Revenge that it makes any good fan of pirates puke on sight? Well just about everything. The fact is, each and every member of the band is trying way too hard to fit this cover, and they sound like a bunch of pretenders. The dominating, hilariously cheesy keyboards set to the ‘harpsichord’ filter, the awful, chugging guitar work and completely bland and expected 'shredding' metal solos, boring drumming keeps the same rhythm almost the entire album, non-existent bass playing, everything just fits together into this one hilariously awful puzzle. What makes this stand out from the crowd of just regular awful records is the vocalist, who sounds like he is trying his best to sound like gruff, yet somehow epic as Captain to sail this shoddy pirate ship, but instead sounds like the rest of the band; a pseudo-virtuosic power metaller trying to cover his flaws with a concept.

Nothing to see here, Captain Morgan’s Revenge is really nothing more than regurgitated riffs from all sorts of places mixed with a laughable posturing and absolutely horrific vocals. Recommended? Only if you want a good laugh, maybe not even that.


user ratings (280)
Chart.
3.4
great
other reviews of this album
TheMetalPony (5)
They are musical pirates. YYYAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!...

Grant Hunter (4)
Alestorm's first full-length heartily embraces the tales of pirating and spins them into a wild, sin...


Comments:Add a Comment 
Ragez
October 17th 2009



150 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

fuck this album sucks

Countorous
October 17th 2009



169 Comments


whats going on here

SpicsterGMex
October 17th 2009



111 Comments


i think u just hate fun i mean cmon this album is like injecting fun directly into ur bloodstream

Ragez
October 17th 2009



150 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Warning: fun may make your testicals shrink. Use Alestorm with caution.

rasputin
October 17th 2009



14504 Comments


one two fucking three

Ragez
October 17th 2009



150 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

ayy wassup putin, makin conservatives everywhere shit bricks i assume?

rasputin
October 17th 2009



14504 Comments


it's what i do

Ragez
October 17th 2009



150 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

hi5

Countorous
October 17th 2009



169 Comments


who r u

Kronzo
October 17th 2009



977 Comments


summary of the review:
pirates
pirates
fags trying to be pirates

i didn't learn anything new accept for the fact that you definately don't like pirates? :

Phantom
October 17th 2009



8930 Comments


butt pirates lol

Hawks
October 17th 2009



33352 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I pretty much agree with this review completely.

iranscam
October 17th 2009



469 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

you basically admitted that you don't get the fucking joke

this isn't THRICE, sorry buddy

wut

Ragez
October 17th 2009



150 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

you basically admitted that you don't get the fucking joke

this isn't THRICE, sorry buddy

myhigherpie
October 17th 2009



3027 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

alright so this is a terribly shitty album, but this review sucked ass.

jus sayin.

not gonna neg, becuz it's not serious, but at least try a little harder with your joke/troll reviews amirite?

Poet
October 17th 2009



5910 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

not gonna neg, becuz it's not serious, but at least try a little harder with your joke/troll reviews amirite?


it may not be a serious review, but it still really sucks.

Tits McGee
October 17th 2009



1876 Comments


wat trickery r u trying to pull here max

Glomp
October 17th 2009



81 Comments


lol

iranscam
October 17th 2009



469 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

rofl

SpicsterGMex
October 17th 2009



111 Comments


u guyz dnt even get the joke lol



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