Review Summary: As a reviewer you get some great albums, some awful albums, and on a rare occasion BrokeNCYDE.
Artist: BrokeNCYDE
Album: I'm Not a Fan, But the Kids Like It!
Label: Breaksilence Recordings
Release Date: June 16, 2009
www.myspace.com/brokencyde
Rating: 0.5/5
RIYL: The death of music and mankind all in one.
So there is this new breakout band that’s set to be the modern day Black Sabbath, Motley Crue, and NWA called J.R. TokeNCYDE…wait that does not sound right. *Put on his reading glasses* BrokeNCYDE!?!??!?!!?!??!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Albuquerque, New Mexico has given birth to the demon child that is “crunkcore”’s innovator BrokeNCYDE. I honestly think the devil has disowned them by now, but they battle on like any other rebel child out there releasing their debut full length, I’m Not A Fan…But The Kids Like It!. My first thought when I heard the album title was, “Can I meet these kids?” The truth is, BrokeNCYDE’s Debut EP debuted 87th on the Billboard Top 200 and in the top twenty on three other charts. They are now touring the complete Warped Tour which also include such amazing artists like Jeffree Star and The Millionaires. If you have never heard these three bands then thank the man upstairs and pray to him that you never will. So let us get started on this crunk-by-cru…eh…track-by-track review.
So “Intro” starts us off with some GarageBand made electronics before leading into “Freaxxx”. “Freaxxx” wants us to believe that when we walk into clubs we see girls start making out. They then tell us to “get freaky now, get f*cking freaky now” over a rave like beat. Near the end you get some more of that amazing GarageBand made electronics. “Skeet Skeet” wants us to…well…get crunk(booklet)/drunk(what is sounds like in the song) and skeet skeet. The terrible screaming is already on my nerves and it is only the second proper song…will I be able to make it through the next 14 song? Will everyone in the club be able to skeet skeet? Will Amy tell Rob that she’s cheating on him with Alex? Find out this and more next time on N*CYDE!
“Late Nite Call” is some random interlude and we now move on to the *gulp* catchy “Booty Call”. I love almost anything catchy and this song is pulling me into the black hole that is being a fan of this band. Luckily for me, BrokeNCYDE’s lyrics are so bad that I quickly pull out of the black hole. We do get another food reference in a rap song when then mention shaking it like Chocolate Milk. They also reference Jolly Ranchers and Sugar Daddies. Why did they have to ruin Chocolate Milk and Jolly Ranchers for me? :’( We now have another song telling us to get crunk with “Get Crunk!” It again sound like they say drunk, can BrokeNCYDE do anything right? On the other hand, if BrokeNCYDE is wrong, I would love to be right.
Six songs in and I’m wishing this package would have gotten lost in the mail, but thus I have to listen to song seven “Yellow Bus”. This song is about the underage girls at their shows that their ***ing…CHECK PLEASE! As I look around, it appears BrokenCYDE has ran away everyone away…except for this fifteen year old girl wearing a 3OH!3 shirt…oh god. We now get to “Get Up” that features Daddy X of the Kottenmouth Kings. Daddy X signed this band to BreakSilence Recordings for the money they will garner him. Maybe he should just shut down his label because the only decent band he has signed is Eyes Set To Kill and they may soon breakout for a bigger label with more bands like them. But I digress while “Get Up” finishes with more screaming that sounds like I Set My Friends on Fire.
“Jealousy” starts and I can assure the band that no one is jealous of them, but of the people that have not heard you. The simple rap beats and macbook magic are starting to wear then along with the vocals never sounding good. We then get the 500th song that has Poppin’ in the song and/or song title, anyone remember Lil Mama?.”Poppin’” sees the band again talking about having sex. Maybe this time their talking about doing it with the old grandpa on the back on their booklet with bling, a fitted cap, a glass that says pimp, sunglasses, and a BrokeNCYDE shirt. Either way they said Poppin’ like one hundred times during the song. “40 OZ.” is next and I have to ask, are these even old enough to get drunk in a club? My patience at this time is wearing thin, but I’ve made it this far so I might as well finish it. “Sex Toys” is up and I’ll give you three guesses on its lyrical topic, and the first two do not count.
The fifteen year old girl wearing a 3OH!3 shirt: “Vibrators?”
“Sex Toys” lyrics: “When you make my PP hard”
*facepalm*
Can we get a study on the amount of suicides that listening to a BrokenCYDE record has caused? I would hope any person who respects and loves even somewhat decent music would have those thoughts during a seventeen song record by the band. We now get to the BC13th track “Rockstar” in which we’re back in the club getting frisky and showing off sexy moves. I sadly didn’t have a puke bucket ready so I puked on the other copy of this album; the label apparently has my entry twice. “Schitzo” states what we all wish was a lie, “BrokeNCYDE will never die!” Hey! I just made a better lyric then anything found on this album. So there goes the neighborhood folks, nice knowing ya’. BrokeNCYDE now finds it necessary to comment on scene girls in “Scene Girls”. I’m left speechless by the insanely sh*tty lyrics so let us just ignore any mention of “Scene Girls” and move on to “Tipsy”.
The song starts with a rave type dance beat that is a beat refreshing from the rest of the album and has potential to be good until the vocals come in. They named their final song “I’m Sorry” but it is too little too late for that now isn’t it BrokeNCYDE? I have run everyone away, have this underage scene girl that is a stage five clinger trying to get my nuts, and my ears are bleeding to death. At least I got a free meal out of this…sadly it was Taco Bell so it will be out of my system, within seconds.
Ok so the band knows that that everyone over the age of seventeen hates the band. That’s the good news as a lot of the younger listeners still buy albums and use MySpace for communication. Once you are seventeen and eighteen you have a good grasp on music and finally create those Facebook and Twitter accounts for when you enter college. As for their sound, they have simple rap beats, generic GarageBand made electronics, and I Set My Friends On Fire vocals. Stay far, far away from this album.
