Girl Talk
Secret Diary


1.0
awful

Review

by Davey Boy STAFF
July 7th, 2009 | 108 replies


Release Date: 2002 | Tracklist

Review Summary: A headache inducing glitch that should have remained a secret. Genuinely unlistenable to at times.

As both a fan and reviewer of various styles of music, I tend to look for the positives of albums before dwelling on the negatives. For that reason, I will usually find something to like on even those LPs which are heavily criticized by most, thus lifting that album above the minimum rating possible. It may be a catchy chrs hr or a mscl hk tr --- bzzz ---- bppp... pshhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Oooh, I'm sorry, but it appears as if this review suffered a glitch at the end of the introductory paragraph. How annoying. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if readers simply clicked on the "back" button or entered another website page into their browser. I mean, a "glitch" can never be a good thing, can it? By definition, a glitch is something which "interferes with the efficient working of a system". I'm certain everyone has encountered one, whether it be on their computer or television. So why would anyone in their right mind think a glitch could be a positive when it comes to music?

Yet, "glitch" is indeed a musical sub-genre. For those who are unitiated to this lack of common sense, wikipedia defines it as "a genre of experimental electronic music that is characterized by a preoccupation with the sonic artifacts that can result from malfunctioning digital technology, such as those produced by bugs, crashes, system errors, hardware noise, CD skipping and digital distortion". And we wonder why our parents believe music was better in their day!

Girl Talk - who is actually one man; Greg Gillis - is an American mash-up DJ who later received critical acclaim for his 3rd and 4th albums. Thankfully, by that time, there was very little glitch involved (at least at the forefront) in his compositions. However, for those unlucky enough to lay their ears on his debut album titled 'Secret Diary', that is very much not the case as the LP is (both literally & figuratively) one big glitch in itself.

Things actually begin with 30 seconds of relative normality as 2 Unlimited's 'Get Ready For This' kicks things off fittingly. But then the glitches begin and it's all downhill from there as the album bleeps, skips and scratches its way through ten tracks of absolute garbage. At least the opening 'Lets Start This Party Right' has the decency to only last for a little over 2 minutes, unlike others which cross the 4 and 5 minute barriers, resulting in this abhoration totaling 40 minutes all up!

Looking for positives is a tough task. Familiarity through the sampling of The Jackson 5, Jay Z, Destiny's Child & Papa Roach adds something, while I guess the use of the Price Is Right theme in conjunction with Jay-Z on 'Unicorn vs Gravity' was a nifty idea. But let's get things straight; these minor positives in no way make up for tracks such as a 6 minute Master P and New Kids On The Block collaboration that may cause seizures. And if you think that is bad, try getting through 'Fun Have To' and 'Time To Get Glamorous', which are quite possibly the most unlistenable headache inducing pieces of (for want of a better word) music ever to be recorded. And they're each 5 minutes long!

Sometimes confusing and disorienting pieces can be a long-term positive once a listener gets their mind around the music on offer. But when it gets as dizzying and unlistenable as 'Secret Diary' does, then only those who actually want a headache will be left. That's not even mentioning that the constant switches in volume throughout gets f**king annoying to say the least. In fact, the most effective aspect about this debut is its title. Both a secret and a diary should remain personal. It's a shame this album did not.

Recommended Track: Let's Start This Party Right.



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user ratings (27)
Chart.
2
poor

Comments:Add a Comment 
DaveyBoy
Staff Reviewer
July 7th 2009


20857 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

Well, I finally came across an album worthy of rating an "Awful' 1. Now I can go listen to Soulja Boy & Crazy Frog to add to my list. Ok, maybe not.

ToWhatEnd
July 7th 2009


3172 Comments


:lol: at recommended track (singular) and the recs.

AtavanHalen
July 7th 2009


17927 Comments


Review was filmed in front of a live ostrich.

Spare
July 7th 2009


5313 Comments


YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND IT MAN

Electric City
Staff Reviewer
July 7th 2009


15743 Comments


sounds like feed the animals from what you described

albeit worse

Digging: Flying Lotus - You're Dead!

DaveyBoy
Staff Reviewer
July 7th 2009


20857 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

Mike, the only reason I even put a recommended track was because it was the shortest.

I asked you to listen to this months ago DavID. It's like talking to a brick wall.

I don't want to understand it Spare.

Ouch Adam. Harsh words. Nick won't be happy. I need to re-listen to 'FTA' a few more times, but I think I'd have it at about a 3.5

AtavanHalen
July 7th 2009


17927 Comments


Champ Kind, I barely remember what you said last time you posted, let alone what you said months ago.

It all just sounds like "WHAMMY!" to me.

Douglas
July 7th 2009


9118 Comments


Is this you going "ballsy"?

DaveyBoy
Staff Reviewer
July 7th 2009


20857 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

DavID, I'd get checked for Alzheimers if I was you. WHAMMY!

Well Dougie, according to DavID, me rating an album a 1 is going "ballsy". Personally, I just think it's being honest.

Man, I just saw the album cover. WTF!

Douglas
July 7th 2009


9118 Comments


True. Album art is very WTF

AtavanHalen
July 7th 2009


17927 Comments


Champ Kind is on the way to getting the balls of his namesake.

Spare
July 7th 2009


5313 Comments


you just saw the album cover of an album you reviewed
what

DaveyBoy
Staff Reviewer
July 7th 2009


20857 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

Maybe I should have used the word "remembered". I obviously saw it months ago when I first heard the album, but it quickly faded out of my memory. Seeing it large & bright on this screen doesn't do it any favors.

You seem to be trying to defend it Spare. Have you heard the album?

Lucid
Contributing Reviewer
July 7th 2009


7026 Comments


Album cover is an eyesore

Spare
July 7th 2009


5313 Comments


i'm not trying to defend it. i'm just bored and need to type things. don't take anything i say seriously you stupid motherfucker.

DaveyBoy
Staff Reviewer
July 7th 2009


20857 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

Noted.

Spare
July 7th 2009


5313 Comments


lol

Jim
July 7th 2009


5110 Comments


good one davey

deja vu is a glitch in the matrix. it means they've changed something

Vooligan
July 7th 2009


3541 Comments


oooh yay a negative Davey review :D
Good to see you're liking Eleventh, Jim.

Jim
July 7th 2009


5110 Comments


yeah my experience with hardcore and/or hardcore related music is minimal, but idk i can dig it



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