Mortician
Chainsaw Dismemberment


2.0
poor

Review

by ealordofthedepths USER (11 Reviews)
February 1st, 2009 | 25 replies | 6,716 views


Release Date: 1999 | Tracklist


2 of 2 thought this review was well written

Everything is quiet; everything appears to be calm as you read next to your fireplace one lonely night. Suddenly you hear a noise and turn around only to realize it was a small squirrel walking through the woods and you go back to your reading. Seconds later you hear the noise again. And again, a creaking, chilling noise it begins to become more and more frequent and more urgent, rising in volume as it appears to come closer and closer. Frightened, you look for the source of the sound, but when you encounter it all is lost, a man with a ski mask waves a giant butcher knife over your face and proceeds to stab it into your throat. As you twist and turn in your own blood and suffer in your last moments of agony the murderer only chuckles and watches the spectacle with vibrant amusement.

Terrifying scene is it not? That is the kind of feeling Mortician invoke in every single one of their songs, a quick thrill accentuated by drum machine blast beats, a super distorted bass and completely unintelligible growls so deep a ***ing whale would drown in them. However this formula quickly becomes stale. And for the 28 songs (35 in the re-release) Mortician don’t variate one bit from it. And so the album becomes so monotonous and boring that it becomes almost unlistenable in its entirety. The initially funny snippets of dialogue at the beginning of some songs became annoying and cheesy the drum machine blast beats which will initially inspire a good dose of neck breaking become detestable in their lack of variation. Most of the songs are below the 2 minute mark, but unlike many long albums with short songs (see Napalm Death) this actually works against Mortician because, unlike with the grind pioneers, actual songwriting is a non existent commodity here, only displayed once in the excellent “Island Of The Dead” (Which is not surprisingly also the album’s longest song).

Perhaps one of the most positive things about the album is that you can’t understand *** of what the singer is saying. This might sound like a surprising thing to say, normally one wants to understand the words to a song, however once you pick up the lyric sheet you will come to understand me. The lyrics are truly repugnant, not because of the amount of gore, blood or murder, but because of the quality of the writing, worthy of a four year old walrus with mental disabilities. Excerpts include “Guts spilling out, one more still left, knife tears the flesh” as well as “Tortured-fleshcrave, hippie crazed cult” and the classic “Axe swing, limbs are chopped off, fresh blood, spraying the walls”. After a quick read through you will be well glad that the words are impossible to make out through the layer of blast beats, distortion and excessively low growls. Because of the excessive amount of distortion it’s also hard to realize what the instruments, especially the bass, are doing. The effect is overused to such a level that bass breaks become huge walls of fuzz where it is nearly impossible to make out any notes. Instead of making the album sound heavier or more brutal it simply makes it pretty clear that the band want to hide what little instrumental skill they may have.

Mortician is what could be called a “shuffle band”. When they turn up on shuffle you don’t skip the song and it’s actually a quiet enjoyable forty seconds when you are in the right mood, however you don’t listen to the whole album because you basically have to hear that same thing 28 times. Individual songs are quiet enjoyable for the standard extreme metal fan, and hell, death-grind fans and brutal (brootal) death metal fans will probably get a good kick out of this. But it’s just too boring and monotonous to be a rewarding listen. Occasionally, the band show they can actually write good songs, but their failure to display this more often, or at least to variate their sound a little, makes this album extremely uninteresting.



Recent reviews by this author
Thy Light Suici.De.pressionUaral Lamentos A Poema Muerto
Anathema EternityNecromantia Scarlet Evil, Witching Black
Burzum AskeEnslaved Hordanes Land
user ratings (41)
Chart.
2.9
good

Comments:Add a Comment 
CoRpSeSlAyEr
February 1st 2009



855 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0

This is even one of their better albums too. Mortician isn't the greatest of DM bands, but this is still worth a listen.

Diarrhea
February 1st 2009



56 Comments


MORTICIANNNNNNNN

Hawks
February 1st 2009



35289 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

Pretty good review even though I disagree with it. Album is pretty awesome IMO.

Digging: Brutal Truth - Extreme Conditions Demand Extreme Responses

lauriej
February 1st 2009



1711 Comments


You keep using the word "variate", but im pretty sure it doesn't exist. Use "vary"

Golgoroth
February 1st 2009



1084 Comments


Rofl at the recommendations... "Erotic Diarrhea Fantasy"

ealordofthedepths
February 1st 2009



80 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

im almost sure "variate" exists but i will check, english is my second language after all so i could b wrong. and ya i actually think the same of all the recs as i do of this but it has to sound alike

Golgoroth
February 1st 2009



1084 Comments


and ya i actually think the same of all the recs as i do of this but it has to sound alike


Reasons to avoid an album: it sounds similar to an album called "Erotic Diarrhea Fantasy"

TricksterGRex
February 1st 2009



2087 Comments


If that was a movie title it would be rented.

Slaytan
February 1st 2009



1186 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

I disagree, but good job with the review.

myhigherpie
February 1st 2009



3027 Comments


erotic diarrhea fantasy is actually not that bad. It's fun just for the excessive gore/porn funniness it contains... well, if you're sick enough to see the humor in it. Raped by Elephants is hilarious lol.

Essence
February 2nd 2009



3583 Comments


I blame cannibal corpse

Hawks
February 2nd 2009



35289 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

Album: Erotic Diarrhea Fantasy
Track: 2.
Lyrics:

Last night I had the most exciting dream
In it I was surrounded by many asses
I got shitted all over
Diarrhea splattered from every direction
I felt like I was in heaven
My cock ejaculated biggest load of cum I had ever seen
Suddenly I woke up, it was only a dream
But why was I covered with diarrhea?


Funniest lyrics ever. Horrible, horrible, horrible song. I have no clue how myhigherpie enjoys that at all.

Diarrhea
February 3rd 2009



56 Comments


that's actually the funniest thing i've ever heard.
have you guys ever heard of intestinal disgorge? funniest song titles ever. "trembling in torrents of diarrhea" and "raw granny hand job" are just two sweet examples.

Phantom
February 3rd 2009



8930 Comments


Last night I had the most exciting dream

In it I was surrounded by many asses

I got shitted all over

Diarrhea splattered from every direction

I felt like I was in heaven

My **** ejaculated biggest load of cum I had ever seen

Suddenly I woke up, it was only a dream

But why was I covered with diarrhea?


Terrible lyrics. He didn't use the right tense of shit.This Message Edited On 02.03.09

Hawks
February 4th 2009



35289 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

The funny thing is, I would actually listen to stuff like that if the vocals weren't fucking terrible. That song had by far the worst vocals I've ever heard in any kind of metal.

combustion07
June 15th 2009



5343 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

Lol at the Torsofuck lyrics.

zaruyache
November 8th 2009



6121 Comments


"...you don’t skip the song and it’s actually a quiet enjoyable forty seconds... Individual songs are quiet enjoyable for the standard extreme metal fan..."

Methinks your vowel placement is lacking.

Digging: Emerald Weapon - Part II: Earth Encrypted

gutturalmaster
July 28th 2010



170 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Great review, and right to the point. The album is terrible and definately not worth even listening to. Song writing is pathetic, lyrics are ridiculous and the overall quality is very poor.

Hawks
November 3rd 2010



35289 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

Gtfo Gutturalmaster. This album is still really sweet. The samples from all the horror movies are fucking great.

BallsToTheWall
January 28th 2011



44164 Comments


Wrong review god damnit.



You have to be logged in to post a comment. Login | Create a Profile





FAQ // STAFF & CONTRIBUTORS // SITE FORUM // CONTACT US

Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Site Copyright 2005-2014 Sputnikmusic.com
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Privacy Policy