Nickelback
Dark Horse


1.0
awful

Review

by TheDistantFuture USER (24 Reviews)
November 19th, 2008 | 33 replies | 5,175 views


Release Date: 2008 | Tracklist

Review Summary: The Nickel is Back!

10 of 14 thought this review was well written

There is no denying it. In the upwards of eight years Canadian hard rockers Nickelback have dominated the radio and mainstream rock scene, they have done more than simply attain fame and wealth beyond imagination, they have also led a certain feel-good, high-fiving, booty-slapping dynasty in rock music that many have ever endearingly dubbed “Cock Rock.” The premise is simple: make music that is seriously FUN! Well get ready, 'cause Nickelback has just dropped another steaming pile of “fun” on your ears!

“Dark Horse,” album number six from Nickelback, sees the band taking their craft to a new level that can only be described in two ways: bold and irony-tastic. The band shows boldness by the truckload opening the album with a title like “Something in Your Mouth” (I certainly hope the addressee isn't talking- ) which shows the band shining like they never have before with greasy riffs galore, antiquated 80's synths, and lyrics that should qualify Chad Kroeger for Mensa membership. Yes, fun runs rampant through this outing with top-notch tunes like “Shaking Hands” with its manly “HEY''s and the fist-pumping energy of “S.E.X.,” both of which prove Chad Kroeger to be one of the most clever frontmen in rock music. The sexual innuendo in the former track is bloody brilliant “She'd take your money make it twice as hot as anyone can-She didn't make it this far by just shaking hands” (she obviously had good people skills). Also, the way he turns sex into an acronym in the following song is cooli-ooli-o. “S is for the simple need/E is for the ecstasy/X is just to mark the spot cause that's the one you really want!”

The band happens to rock out pretty hard on this record, thus, out of concern for the listener's well being, the band courteously provides some nice little rest stops like “I'd Come for you” and “Never Gonna Be Alone” which offer the listener ample time to use the bathroom, prepare a cup of noodles, or perhaps catch a brief nap. However, it's really on softer cuts like the first single, “Gotta Be Somebody” and “This Afternoon” where the band's ironic prowess gets to fully shine. If an uber-successful group that brings you a hit song about wanting to be a rockstar was not ironic enough for you, how does a single that sees the band's lead singer plaintively searching for meaning in his dreary, pathetic life of wealth, beer, and ladies sound? Sounds great to me, particularly through the hernia-like smoothness of Kroeger's pipes.

So what does this all amount to? Only what is unequivocally the group's most recent album to date! This is exactly the record you've been expecting to hear from Nickelback. This record, hands down, gets an F from me, not for fail ... for fan-friggen-tastic, or maybe just plain fun!



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user ratings (1105)
Chart.
1.7
very poor
other reviews of this album
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Comments:Add a Comment 
TheDistantFuture
November 19th 2008



200 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I wrote this for my college paper, so naturally it's shorter than the average review on this site, but all the same I think it more than gets the message across.

Fugue
November 19th 2008



7351 Comments


oh thank fuck, this one has a decent rating

Fugue
November 19th 2008



7351 Comments


Oh and very good review as well

Well get ready, 'cause Nickelback has just dropped another steaming pile of “fun” for your ears!


that made me laugh

fireaboveicebelow
November 19th 2008



6837 Comments


“Dark Horse,” album numero seis, from Nickelback sees the band taking their craft to a new level that can only be described in two ways
you should move the comma to after Nickelback

The band happens to rock out pretty hard on this record thus, out of concern for the listener's well being the band courteously provides blah blah
should read:
The band happens to rock out pretty hard on this record, thus, out of concern for the listener's well being, the band courteously provides blah blahThis Message Edited On 11.19.08

SynGates
November 19th 2008



2467 Comments


DH, NIckelback's sixth album, sees...
probably how I'd put it

withintention
November 19th 2008



297 Comments


what college do you attend, Heald?
Advice: Sum it up, and send it to the Sound-Off's, this was beyond homo, and the humor...come on now.

Burn2Burn
November 19th 2008



2378 Comments


I played a football game in Chad's hometown once.

TheDistantFuture
November 19th 2008



200 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

JEEZ! I know Silenius! Any way to all: this is the non edited version of the article that will appear in the paper. All it has received
is a quick look over by me, thus, I appreciated all the grammatical battery and have made most of the corrections with these
exceptions.

Fire and Ice- I agree with your comma suggestions on the second part, however I'm pretty sure my English teacher says
punctuation goes inside quotations if they're at the end.

Britney Diva- Even if they are annoying the commas around Nickelback are correct in the same way you might say: My friend,
Jon, is going to the store.

Lastly, withintention- a good one, believe me. If you would like to read a treatise on why this album is abominable, look else
where. There is nothing wrong in my mind with doing a quick review like this if it properly accomplishes what it sets out to do
and I believe it certainly does. If you have any general questions about the album that I have not tended to in the review,
please feel free to ask ; )This Message Edited On 11.19.08

Silenius
November 19th 2008



302 Comments


grammar nazi

withintention
November 19th 2008



297 Comments


I don't think Heald has good English teachers.

AtavanHalen
November 19th 2008



17927 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Hmm...I can't really vote yes or no at the bottom there, as I really can't make heads nor tails of this review.

TheDistantFuture
November 19th 2008



200 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

What the hell does that have to do with anything. And (if you're really gonna give me crap for starting a sentence with "and" I have
nothing more to say) fyi I go to BC.

Maybe everyone thinks I'm a moron for this, but it is meant to be a sarcastic review. I do get a little tired every so often of saying
"This is good because..." "I like this for reasons: xyz" and taking everything seriously. I tried something a little different and if it's soooo offensive to y'all I'll get the moderators to take it down. I love this site, but honestly I can't believe how rigid some of the
people are.This Message Edited On 11.19.08

ikarus
November 19th 2008



560 Comments


You know...autistic kids wouldn't understand why you gave this album a 1 after reading that review..

pos'd.

TheDistantFuture
November 19th 2008



200 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Alright, fixed then.

Neg (sigh) why am I not surprised.This Message Edited On 11.19.08

Golgoroth
November 19th 2008



1084 Comments


Review was immature, closed-minded, stupid, and awesome. Pos'd.

This probably isn't as bad as you say but it made me laugh. The steaming pile of "fun" was a clever line.

joshuatree
Emeritus
November 19th 2008



3743 Comments


I wrote this for my college paper


the only part that made me laugh
utter fail of a review, completely terrible

DethThrasher
November 19th 2008



463 Comments


So many Nazis on this site (britney spears up there)

TheDistantFuture
November 19th 2008



200 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Honestly, I have no intention of qualifying this review to any of you. If you happened to enjoy it on some level I'm glad. If not, I hardly care, that is unless you are vaguely constructive with your bashing.

I suppose various places expect certain types of reviews. This one was obviously not up to snuff for many of you, but it has been very well received by the people whose opinions actually matter to me (BC Heights Staff- Heights is a well respected paper in the greater Boston area) If you would like to mock this too, feel free.

thebhoy
Emeritus
November 19th 2008



4459 Comments


grammar debates!!!!

Yes, punctuation does belong inside of quotation marks. However, HOWEVER! when you are using quotation marks to denote the title of something (ie. song, album, what have you) the punctuation goes outside of the quotations. Also, Britney Diva is correct, the commas are unnecessary and your example shows an aside as previously mentioned. I also just saw that this was already fixed, oops. None the less, this is easily the most sarcastic review I've ever read. I for one found it clever, although I agree that this is not the best method for a review. I want to know about the album, and while it can be entertaining, first and foremost I want to be informed. Those are my two cents, take em' or leave em'

bastard
November 19th 2008



3435 Comments


I will still write my one star review for this, but okay work on this one. Honestly, your worst by far though. You're a great writer, but this was a bad idea.



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