Girls Aloud
Out of Control


1.0
awful

Review

by Nick Butler EMERITUS
November 10th, 2008 | 72 replies | 14,498 views


Release Date: 2008 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Seriously guys. This has to stop now.

Somewhere, somehow, it became cool to like Girls Aloud. And I don't mean cool with whatever the UK equivalent of jocks and cheerleaders is, I mean cool with people who read The Wire and know who Pierro Scaruffi is. They overtook the Sugababes as the pop band it's okay to like long ago, and that was fine, but the way they've been accepted by the popular music intelligentsia at this point is incredible. As an example of that, jog on over to the Wikipedia entry for their ever-present producers, Xenomania. There's a grand total of one critic quoted as ever having said anything bad about them. Me.

Thing is, back when they were just another girl band - if anything, an especially unpopular one considering they hadn't truly escaped the image of being 'that band off Popstars: The Rivals', and one of them was being accused of a racially aggravated assault - they were almost worth that kind of praise. Go listen to "Love Machine", to "Sound of the Underground", to "Wake Me Up", to "Biology", to "No Good Advice"; when people say that this is exactly how pop should sound in the 21st century, they're damn right. But then they started being cool. The Observer gave them five stars. The Ting Tings started making indie tracks that ripped them off whole-heartedly. The ginger one became the face of Estee Lauder or some shit. Billy Corgan said they were better than The Beatles. They collaborated with Franz Ferdinand and Sugababes and some excitable quarters of the media started talking about a new British pop vanguard. The one who married He Who Shall Not Be Named became a shockingly inept judge on The X Factor and got practically stalked by will.i.am for a bit. Johnny Marr showed up to play guitar for them. The Pet Shop Boys asked them to duet. It was somewhere in that frankly ridiculous jumble of events that Girls Aloud slowly began sucking out loud.

I could end the review there - Out of Control sucks out loud. That's pretty much all there is to it. There are no tunes of which to speak, the vocals are even more impassioned than before, the production takes all of the arrogant laziness occasionally shown on Tangled Up and runs with it; any sort of edge that they ever had has been lost. The hotshot songwriting team have now either run dry of ideas or stopped trying, while the cutting edge production now sounds like background music on Location! Location! Location! and A Place in the Sun. It's so dated that you expect them to shout 'The Vengabus is coming!' at any point, so dreary that it'd have been an improvement if they had. For an album called Out of Control, it's astonishing just how bland and devoid of personality or expression this is.

The plus points? Well, "Revolution is the Head"'s thematic statement - that it's no good trying to change anything if your music sucks - might have made for a classic single in 2003, but released now it's a little like Ronald Reagan campaigning for change alongside Obama. "The Loving Kind" is vaguely reminiscent of "Call The Shots", which reminds you of how could they once were if nothing else. And there's a snippet of a Gregorian choir at the start of "Love is the Key" that briefly suggests the song that follows it will be interesting. Ditto the vocoder that kicks off "Fix Me Up", which sounds like it's saying 'sex me up' instead.

And that's it. That's it from the five girls who just three short years ago could reasonably have been considered the best girl group in the world. That's it from Brian Higgins, a man with songs as good as Sugababes' "Hole in the Head" under his belt, and a man still helping write songs as good as Gabriella Cilmi's "Sweet About Me" for people who aren't Girls Aloud. That's it from Fascination Records, a label with the financial muscle and influence of Universal Music Group behind it. That's it from Shaw Thing Management, who are pretty much nobodies but should probably be held accountable anyway. Didn't anybody, anywhere along the line, notice how bad this is? By any measure that pop is judged, this album is terrible. It's not catchy, not upbeat, not smart, not inventive, not emotional, not even actually bad enough to be worth remembering. Nobody will be singing any of these songs on any reality TV shows. None of these songs will be used in films or TV shows, or even adverts. None of them will be included on any Girls Aloud compilations that favour music over completionism. The milkman will not hum these songs. Children will not obsessively learn the words and write them down from memory in their notebooks during class.

A career killer. It's their Forever, their "Tubthumping", their Neither Fish Nor Flesh, their "Earth Song", their Sgt Peppers OST. Expect solo careers soon.



Recent reviews by this author
Krzysztof Penderecki and Jonny Greenwood Krzysztof Penderecki / Jonny GreenwoodLana Del Rey Paradise
Scott Walker Bish BoschEmilie Autumn Fight Like A Girl
Susanne Sundfor The Silicone VeilPepe Deluxe Queen of the Wave
user ratings (20)
Chart.
2.5
average

Comments:Add a Comment 
Iai
Emeritus
November 10th 2008



3553 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Shizzle I forgot to write the last paragraph.

is better now This Message Edited On 11.10.08

ClearTheLane
November 10th 2008



990 Comments


woohoo!
Now does Pete Doherty's stuff surpass this crap at least? =D (in your opinion)
btw I actually had forgotten about this terrible "band", thanks for bringing it back haha
great review anyways

Iai
Emeritus
November 10th 2008



3553 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

nah, The Libertines are still worse. :p

ClearTheLane
November 10th 2008



990 Comments


Hard to believe it..
btw I'm not gonna check this out, I usually only check out high rated/recommended stuff only. Well I did download soulja boy's "album" once, just as a joke. Won't do it again.
And Doherty deserves SOME credit imo, he has written a few good songs. Not a fan of him though.. shame he's still got more fans than eg. Elliott Smith and Nick Drake (I assume)This Message Edited On 11.10.08

robin
Emeritus
November 10th 2008



4247 Comments


man, i hate ashley cole. :p

Iai
Emeritus
November 10th 2008



3553 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

The only Doherty song I like is "For Lovers", which I'm not actually sure he wrote. I'm not sure he has more fans than Elliott; don't forget that he's a nobody in America.

ClearTheLane
November 10th 2008



990 Comments


Dont arsenal fans sing "Oh ashley cole, he's a f*ucking arsehole"?
well he is

And yeah Elliott may actually have more fans around the world. I'm from Finland and no bloody one of my friends have known him until I've told them about him. And I've been many times to England in the few years and that doherty hype has always been there.
This Message Edited On 11.10.08

Altmer
November 10th 2008



5652 Comments


Iai this is an amazing review. :|

brandtweathers
November 10th 2008



2007 Comments


^word. another excellent contribution. new top three list:
Lewis
You
Chan
Honorable mention: banick

DethThrasher
November 10th 2008



463 Comments


Hahaha this rules

AggravatedYeti
November 10th 2008



7684 Comments


Very, very nice.

P13
November 10th 2008



1327 Comments


It's so dated that you expect them to shout 'The Vengabus is coming!' at any point

Made me giggle.

There is a mistake in the second paragraph, should be of instead of off
Great review

Spamue1G
November 10th 2008



1292 Comments


Hey, I've been criticizing Girls Aloud for years...
Great review, I like a lot of the comparisons you made. Really good flow as well, though I doubt this is deserving of a 1... a 1.5, maybe, but a 1?

DaveyBoy
Staff Reviewer
November 10th 2008



20856 Comments


10 bonus points for sneaking in “The Vengabus is coming”.
Sounds like these girls should jump on board & never come back.


Bleak123
November 10th 2008



1902 Comments


No Davey. Because Cheryl is so hot.

DaveyBoy
Staff Reviewer
November 10th 2008



20856 Comments


I'm unsure if these girls are known in America, but they do not get any recognition down under as far as I know. Well, maybe they do on early morning children's shows or something. But seriously, I could bump into one of them on the street & not know who they were.

Bleak123
November 10th 2008



1902 Comments


http://celebslam.celebuzz.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/cheryl-cole.jpg

She is sooooo hot dude. Shame on you for not knowing her hotness.

AtavanHalen
November 10th 2008



17927 Comments


Lolz, welcome back Iai.
For the record, I never liked this crap

DaveyBoy
Staff Reviewer
November 10th 2008



20856 Comments


Kane, that photo looks like it's been through an air-brushing or two to me.
I recall seeing her on a list of hottest girlfriends of English soccer players. I think she was 2nd behind the Mrs of one the Bents. Strangely enough, I think it was Marcus. If so, she must have confused the brothers!

taylormemer
November 10th 2008



4916 Comments


Found a little too much to write about something so bad. lol
Brian Higgins' stuff has always been a little hit and miss for me.



You have to be logged in to post a comment. Login | Create a Profile





FAQ // STAFF & CONTRIBUTORS // SITE FORUM // CONTACT US

Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Site Copyright 2005-2014 Sputnikmusic.com
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Privacy Policy