Review Summary: Oh lordi, Lordi. Why must you bore me?3 of 3 thought this review was well written
When a friend of mine first described Lordi to me, it sounded too good to be true. Monster suits? Hilarious lyrics? Tight and powerful heavy metal? I was sold. I needed to hear this band. So I put down my Blind Guardian albums and rushed to my computer to take a listen. My mouse hand dripped with sweat and my knees shook as I downloaded their album. I decided to start at the beginning of their discography with Get Heavy. When the download was complete my heart nearly stopped and I had to calm my breathing. I put my headphones on and… you guessed it, was thoroughly disappointed.
Get Heavy is by no means a bad album. The band plays well together and sounds polished. The backup vocals, although shamelessly edited are pleasant, they make fair use of the keyboards and the production quality is good. This album certainly wouldn’t upset me if it was played in the background at a party or at a hockey game. So now we have pinpointed the kind of album this is. This isn’t a metal junkie’s treasure, it isn’t a music geek’s inspiration, it is light, generic hard rock that uses its image to coerce people into being fans. But on Get Heavy the band’s image proves to be much more exciting than the music
The instrumentation on the album isn’t bad. The players obviously have some skill and have put thought into their music. How much thought they have put into it is the question. The vocal melodies seem like they’ve been lazily lifted from mainstream 80s rock, the keyboards play parts so simple that they sound like a child learning to play the piano, the guitars and bass constantly play tired rhythms of constant chugging eighth notes and the drums are merely there to keep time. But enough dissection of the player’s styles, this isn’t music for the overly analytical music geek, this is pop music.
The songs are either memorable or completely forgettable. Songs like The Devil Is A Loser and Last Kiss Goodbye are pleasant and catchy. However the music has no depth and is simply not addictive enough to justify its mundane execution. For a band with vicious looking monster suits, the music isn’t even very energizing or exciting. Even the best songs get tired quickly and the hooks are average and at times awkward and corny. The lyrics are nothing special and sound like they were written with a makeshift crayon and piece of toilet paper on an elevator ride to the second floor.
Overall this is a mediocre album. Nothing is special about it and after the third listen it becomes stale and almost unbearable. Lordi tries to sound like badass rock and roll monsters with attitude on Get Heavy but come off as cheap, dare I say it? Gimmicks.