Review Summary: A complete waste of sixteen minutes and twenty-nine seconds of your life. Please avoid this, as I should have done.
Every so often, we dive into the unexpected in music, right? We go buy (or otherwise acquire) a new album by a band we’ve never heard before, right? Sure, you might research them a bit, see if it will fit your tastes and whatnot, but the band is still vague to imagine. That’s how I found Orthrelm
, an Avant-Garde Metal/Experimental act hailing from the D. C. area. Browsing through the Metal Archives’ Progressive section, I decided it might be worth to check out some Avant-Garde as well. As such, when I found Orthrelm, I thought this would be cool, atmospheric, heavy music. But I can tell you; I’ve never felt so fruitless with music before.
A noisy, directionless, mindless sixteen and a half minute ‘jam’ is what Orthrelms’ first album, Iorxhscimtor
, is all about. There is little to say about the album, because it doesn’t have much. Pale and boring, repetitive, random leads courtesy of guitarist Mick Barr are what make up one-half of the album. The other half, Josh Blair, is on drums, and he’s just as ludicrous; unchecked spasms of wild cymbal hits and drum beats that are not forming anything lasting complete all that there is to this freakshow, Iorxhscimtor
But the travesty of the music is nothing compared to the overall ‘imagination’ of this album. The shortest song is twenty-three seconds, while, in stark contrast; the longest track is two minutes and twenty-two seconds. But don’t think this is some Grindcore, face ripping nuclear bomb as some bands do. No blast beats of any kind, no punishing riffs, no vocals; just a simple combination of recapitulated solos and utterly unmindful drums that severely lacks any mental or physical work.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing solid on this album. No melodies, verses, choruses, bridges, no anything besides the lazy ‘songwriting’ of annoying, I’ve-already-heard-this-a-thousand-times-before shred leads and unimaginative, rehashed drums. Don’t get me wrong, Mick and Josh are good at their instruments, but could do so much more when they actually put their effort in. Yet with a sixteen-minute album that’s as repetitive as your generic Nickelback, with all your song titles being ‘Untitled’, and nothing behind your music besides sweep arpeggios, people will avoid any more Orthrelm albums at all costs.