EmeritusReviews 63Approval 98%Soundoffs 34News Articles 14Band Edits 39Album Edits 175Album Ratings 1558Objectivity 67%Last Active 12-13-12 8:10 amJoined 01-12-04Forum Posts 7,636Review Comments 3,697
| Streetlight's Guide To Writing Reviews
Because people can't. | | 1 | |
Authority.
Get some. Write like you own the fucking band. Pretend you know everything there is to know about your record. Even if you don't. You'll only get away with this if you | | 2 | |
Don't Be Lazy.
Think. And when you're through thinking, think some more. If you aren't delivering line after line of insight, stop writing. You might also need to | | 3 | |
Know Everything.
Don't just pretend. Actually know everything. The genre, the scene, the history. History in general, actaully. This will help when you realize that you need to | | 4 | |
Stop Talking About The Music.
Seriously. Shut the hell up about the music, no one cares. And if you're going to talk about the music, do it only to illustrate a point. The idea is you should | | 5 | |
Write Like You're Talking To Your Girlfriend.
Flirt a little. Tell a joke, tell a story, be casual, but not too vulgar. Make her laugh, get under her skin. Start getting too nitty gritty and she'll lose interest. Sex always sells. And if you're tying to bed the bitch, remember to | | 6 | |
Have An Angle.
Don't just waltz in with a jumble of unorganized thoughts. Approach your review with something to tie them all together, a thread to keep your audience reading. And remember she'll never sleep with you if you don't | | 7 | |
Treat Your Readers With Respect.
They're probably not as stupid as you think. And even if they are, don't let them know it. It makes them feel better about themselves and makes them far more agreeable. So if you're going to use big words, at least do it modesty. Also, | | 8 | |
Stop Writing.
Unless you read. If you don't read, you don't write. Simple. For every review you write, read Gravity's Rainbow twice over. This will make you a better person. If you don't know Gravity's Rainbow, also stop writing. | |
Eclectic
07.22.10 | I don't know Gravity's Rainbow :( | Obfuscation24
07.22.10 | I like this | SowingSeason
07.22.10 | i don't know gravity's rainbow either, guess im done reviewing guys :/
list is funnier than mine | StreetlightRock
07.22.10 | 100% Serious. | qwe3
07.22.10 | only read V, not gravity's rainbow. im a failure | ShadowAmI
07.22.10 | you contradict yourself so many times here its awful | redskyformiles
07.22.10 | I worship that book. god bless you, sir. | StreetlightRock
07.22.10 | ffs none of you are listening if you don't know gravity's rainbow then wiki it and pretend you do. Rule no. 1. | qwe3
07.22.10 | i was gonna go ahead and just read it | Deviant.
07.22.10 | Silveri 101 | acADHDemy
07.22.10 | list is not funny but good
something that would actually be helpful in all these lists: which characters to avoid in MS word... long dashes, apostrophies, etc... | Electric City
07.22.10 | what happened to the descriptions :(
and gravity's rainbow is a mean mean woman | Electric City
07.22.10 | delete and repost as an albums list | joshuatree
07.22.10 | nobody know gravity's rainbow, not even you alex
ps good list | MUNGOLOID
07.22.10 | reviewing ain't no joke, step ya game up kid! | Jom
07.22.10 | The genuine part of me enjoyed this. Excellent job.
The jerk part of me laughed at the assumptions made in #7 :'] | TheyTookOurJobs
07.22.10 | I'm taking notes ;) | Douglas
07.22.10 | i have a man crush on your writing and therefore you..... thusm this is the bible ; ) | Jash
07.22.10 | Good stuff brah, thanks for the lessons | pmmets07
07.22.10 | Dis is cool. And funny. But accurate. | Knott-
07.22.10 | cheers alex i think i will be gooder now | EVedder27
07.22.10 | list is spot on | This Life is Genocide
07.22.10 | the first three are pretty fuckin true. | BrahTheSunGod
07.22.10 | Gravity's Rainbow is immense and intense, but worth it if you really dig into it (/are required to for a class).
nice list though! |
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