DadKungFu
Staff

Reviews 122
Soundoffs 22
News Articles 5
Band Edits + Tags 49
Album Edits 102

Album Ratings 1845
Objectivity 75%

Last Active 12-26-22 12:27 pm
Joined 10-20-12

Review Comments 4,730

 Lists
12.07.23 Ranking 2023 Albums rev'd by me06.08.23 What is sputnik's social security numbe
05.03.23 My 10 favorite (active) writers on sput ♦01.27.23 DadKungFu Reviews Your Avatar
12.22.22 25 Albums I Enjoyed This Year05.02.22 Rate what the user above you is listeni
04.01.22 THE ONLY MESHUGGAH LIST THAT DOESN'T MA01.31.20 Help me find workout albums
01.27.20 If you're reading this12.18.19 The Spirituality of John Fahey
07.14.18 Road Trippin'04.26.18 The MadKungfu Review Game
04.01.18 Is it time to shut down the forum?11.30.13 11 Essential Country Albums
02.24.13 Industrial Meatfucking02.23.13 Tinnitus
02.18.13 In Defense Of Country Music ♦02.16.13 2013 Looks All Set To Kick '12s Ass
More »

DadKungFu Reviews Your Avatar

Post here and I will review your av and rate it, those without avs need not apply.
1Puce Mary
The Drought

That's a nasty looking apple like I would not let my kid anywhere near that thing
2Kevin Drumm
Trouble

Example of a good av, crude drawing of evocative subject, conveys depth with irony and humor
3Oedipus Apartment Complex
The Blissful Sounds of Miracula

Good av, mid album
4Celeste
Nihiliste(s)

Attractive women in various states of undress as an av is a cheap-ass move and projects an offputting degree of horniness
5The Pogues
Rum Sodomy & The Lash

Art, classical or contemporary, could go either way. It's gotta have a clear subject, or at least a clear central element, The Raft of the Medusa's great and all but no one's gonna attach any kind of association with a personality to that thing other than the person using it likes Romanticism maybe and is likely to be an insufferable snob with little good reason to be so
6Lana Del Rabies
Shadow World

Also this is a very serious list I graduated top of my class at the avatar academy and I have the credentials to prove it
7Spoon
Gimme Fiction

Vinnymcscoop - tastefully arrayed dinnerware in a deliciously low res image that befits a geriatric music site that gets updated once a decade on average. The primary mood conveyed here is a certain sophistication and appreciation for order that doesn't let a dearth of pixels get in the way. Being that spoons are the most feminine of cutlery implements, as is well known, there's a certain effeminate quality to this av that doesn't quite match the persona behind it.

Rating: mostly gelato/5
8Demon Hunter
The Triptych

Demon of the Fall - what appears to be a demon from oldschoolcool fps Doom holding a flamethrower. It's an av befitting the user behind it, as a preoccupation with blood and riffage is carried into an image at once iconic and slightly tongue in cheek. It's a little too doused in murk to make as distinct of an impression as it should, but one gets a good sense of the user behind it. In truth, one would probably expect a greater interest in thrash or NWOBHM based on this avatar alone but the intent is there and the image is solid.

The Rock as Doom guy/5

Questioning the taste of this list so soon after the great avatar culling of 2023 is perhaps justified, but it is in the face of adversity that we must take stock of all we hold dear and persevere. I dedicate this list to the lost avatars, may their memory be eternal.
9Black Midi
Hellfire

Johnnyofthewell - a lengthy gif of a cat knocking various items of crockery and assorted decor off of furniture, whereupon they shatter, revealing the words BLACK MIDI BLACK MIDI BLACK MIDI BLACK MIDI ad infinitum and also something else, can't remember but it's all in keeping with the spirit of fuckery Johnny brings to the table to everyone's amusement and exasperation. I don’t know how many levels of irony this thing's operating on, and I've sat through it long enough to reach the punchline precisely once but it embodies everything that is brilliant and infuriating about this least objective of staff members and also it's a cat knocking shit over, it's going to be a good time and its loss is a black mark on sput's reputation.

Infinite black midis/one black midi
10Ween
White Pepper

ArsMoriendi - a drawing, or perhaps a t-shirt of Super Mario's Toad with the ween logo on his head. Now this is a fucking avatar, two simple, yet iconic characters smooshed together and expressed in a blissfully unrefined medium. Ween and Toad make for fine spiritual bedfellows as well, though it’s a pairing that makes more sense in hindsight than anything I'd have been able to come up with. An earthy terror and a bold, fruit-forward nose is essential to this inimitable image and its great strength is its iconic simplicity. on seeing this avatar one gets the sense of integrity and a refreshing lack of pretense or posturing. More Mushroom Kingdom than boognish, and that's as it should be.

Pork roll and rainbow road/5
11Robert Plant and Alison Krauss
Raising Sand

Robertsona - an attractive actress who I don't think is Katherine Hepburn but who may be hits an object with a hammer. This one manages to be good because of the almost seamlessly gif loop and the fact that it's an image of an attractive actress that isn't too horny about it, whatever associations with repetitive pounding might be conjured in our degenerate brains. Frankly, beyond that it's a bit of a mystery as one is left wondering what film this lady's from, what's the significance of her hammer antics and what it represents for the good Robertsona. An image of doubtless elegant vintage and appearance, somewhat opaque in its significance but instantly recognizable and quite nice.

The-Philadelphia-Story-would-have-been-improved-with-the-addition-of-a-hammer/5
12Polar Bear Club
Chasing Hamburg

Cimnele - One big fuzzy snowy murder boi taking up the whole image. Trying to draw a link between the picture and Cimnele's affinity for industrial clangor but having trouble since polar bears are essentially fuzzy adorable killing machines, and perhaps there is a murderous rage lurking underneath the fuzzy exterior that we need to address. In a world of seals, Cimnele seems to be saying, I'm the polar bear. But then, Cimnele's a typically cheery dude without an aggressive post to his name from what I've seen so maybe we need to focus on the fuzzy side of the equation here. The fact that it's uncomfortably close and that its adorable muzzle is powdered with fresh snow extends the ambiguity between the fear of being dragged out of my comfy ice hole by a pair of jaws filled with steak knives and look at his cute little nose he's such a floofy boy.

Deeply conflicting/5
13Asleep in the Lake
A Tapestry of Fallen Leaves

AsleepintheBack - reviewing your profile pic which seems to be two figures, one with a guitar, one with what appears to be a violin case. To be frank, it doesn't really communicate that much beyond a vague musical theme, perhaps some slight psychedelic tendencies. Hmmm how can I make this evoke something more for me, I'm digging up nothing but it's a nice image

MySpacebackground/10
14Draconian
Arcane Rain Fell

Pizzamachine - I feel like this avatar is communicating something, but it's so cryptic and oblique that I have no idea what it could be. Is it a band? An album? Do you like whatever this is? Pizzamachine has cultivated a reputation as a man of mystery, who's primary superpower is a machine-like proliferation of reviews on a nearly daily basis, and a pizza-like affinity for all that is circular and flat. This av reflects the mystery side of that equation, and the festive wreath encircling it only deepens the mystery. We may never know what the image depicts, whether it’s music or pizza related or what Pizzamachine's feelings on it are, but we will always know to whom it refers.

The self-created symbol/5
15ISIS
Wavering Radiant

IsisScript80 - Another avatar that exudes pure class. It's simply a grinning cartoon face with three eyes on a pink background and the retro-comic vibes it communicates are both quirky and memorable but don't be fooled. It lends its imagery not to Isis but to the Third Eye symbol prominent in Hindu mythology and communicates that the user behind it is well versed in archaic hierophanies and the mystical techniques of spirit walking so watch out if you get on this user's bad side before you find the black tongued agents of Ravana at your door.

everythinganavatarshouldbe/5
16Angelo Badalamenti
Twin Peaks

Ryus - Special Agent Dale Cooper blissfully inhaling the aroma of a cup of coffee somewhere in Season 3 of Twin Peaks. I haven't seen season 3 yet so I don't know the significance of the scene, but it's significance as an avatar is obvious. I mean just look at Dale! Look how happy he is savoring that toasty aroma! It's an av that expresses a deep enthusiasm for the simpler things in life, and a reminder that we could all stand to be a little more like Dale Cooper.

thAt GUm you LikE iS goINg to coMe BacK iN stYLe/5
17Impaled Northern Moonforest
Impaled Northern Moonforest

someone - A dork in corpse paint wearing a comical expression. He's looking out at the viewer as though he's shook at the state of this bullshit, as though he went walking in the woods at night to think grim and frostbitten thoughts and found out someone had replaced his beloved Master's Hammer cassette with Vanessa Carlton. actually love this one as it's humorous and touches on everything absurd about grim and frostbitten kvlt music while making for a memorable avatar in its own right.

ApatorMasturbateInPraiseofBlackSatan/666
18Dancing Pigeons
Dancing Pigeons

Fogza - look at that he's a cute little dancing bird fella! High on the charm and totally benign in intent this little guy portends excellent times and chill vibes. He's got no beef with anyone he's just getting his groove on and damned if I don't want to be there with him. Highly symbolic in Chinese lore, the rooster represents vitality, courage and integrity and this impetuous little gallus is just smooth sailing through life with those virtues on full tilt.

Five totoros/Five totoros
19Rocka Rollas
Metal Strikes Back

Rockrollacola - a crude picture of a fish on wheels wearing a top hat, apparently made with a graphing calculator. This one's slightly baffling in that the image is low res, the character is comically rudimentary and the medium is just fucking weird but you know what, it leans into those things just enough to come back around and be a hilarious avatar picture. His tight-lipped grin and unlikely taste in headwear make him relatable, you say ok, I could see Rockarollacola looking something like this, or perhaps there's something we can all relate to here, perhaps we're all just fish on wheels, rolling through life with our tight-lipped anxious smiles and our embarrassing hats.

Anyway, 4 dollars a pound/5
20Nazgul
De Expugnatione Elfmuth

Steak - less steak-related than hoped for but the retro game aesthetic is pretty fuckn cool even though I have no idea what it's referencing. Looks kinda like a Nazgul though if you squint or maybe a Castlevania I don't know I've never played it before. Anyway this isolated, shrouded figure standing in front of a grim windswept castle and sort of getting blown about by the wind or perhaps just pulsating with malice as we all do from time to time is quite instantly iconic and also quite big or maybe he's just bobbing to some sick beats at a party and he's too shy to dance poor guy I think that's what I'm going with.

9 rings/9
21Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
From Her to Eternity

porcupinetheater - FAKE DRACULA SINGS THE BLUES! It's an amusing dig at the somewhat posturing nature of everyone's second favorite australian behind Bluey, and a great meme in its own right but it doesn't really convey the personality behind it other than a certain irreverence, and a pointed derision for gothic affectation. It's pretty clear that this isn't Nick behind the keyboard here, but beyond that it could quite literally be anyone else. Most likely suspect as a user of this av would probably be Anthony Kiedis or perhaps Flea.

That one scene in Wings of Desire/5
22Iron Monkey
Iron Monkey

Zac124 - The frenzied face of Donkey Kong about to burst the boundaries of the image. There's a peculiar blankness in Donkey's expression that one typically sees in a creature so consumed by rage that all physical affect is purifies by fire into a consuming blackness. Only the bared teeth reveal the total urge to destroy. Teeth that seek only to sink into the flesh of the hated. The face of total annihilation. When the black gate is opened and the Beast is drawn from the pit, it will be wearing the face of Donkey Kong.

Return to monke/5
23Sevendust
Sevendust

Sevengill - The face of a smiling woman wearing red lipstick with the L'Oreal logo emblazoned at the bottom of the image. Her smile is mysterious, fleeting, her head turned away as if this is a parting glance. There is a slight air of condescension about her, about the way the warmth of her smile doesn't extend to her eyes that says "I'm better than mass-market basic bitch shampoo ads and we all know it". But do we though? No doubt she's attractive, but there's a lack of refinement in demeanor that somehow makes her association with L'Oreal fitting, if poignant given her presumed ambitions to represent I dunno Oribe or something. It's a fine avatar, its feminine associations benign enough that one can't be accused of any overt objectifying, while being unique in that it's product placement is played surprisingly straight.

5 shampoos/5 real poos
24mewithoutYou
Catch For Us the Foxes

ConcubinaryCode - Two separate images of foxes, one realistic, one stylized. I like this one, its evocative and slightly mysterious, an eye-pleasing image that speaks of duality and perception. Foxes are excellent animals with a strong folklore tradition behind them and these ones mark a contrast between that storybook association and the reality of the animal itself. One subject would perhaps better fit the ideal of the internet avatar, but this one can hardly be faulted.

no fox given/5
25Borracho
Splitting Sky

Borracho - it's a molecule, unfortunately I'm too dumb to say for certain what it is but it's no doubt something funny in context. If I had to guess given the username it's alcohol or ethanol or w/e, in which case, very very nice for those in the know. In spite a certain lack of visual pizzazz in the execution, there's enough elegance in simplicity of this symbol for it to be am excellent stand-in for one of our finest new writers, despite the fact that his style is both sober and eloquent, belying the boorish connotations of his username.

Hemingwayfallingdowndrunk/Faulknerfallingdowndrunk
26Bat!
Bat Music for Bat People

BAT - Tails the squirrel has seen some shit. There's a frazzled, traumatized quality about this poorly drawn image that amply showcases what too much internet can do to a man. That neurotic, shell-shocked quality doesn't really come out in this user's interactions though, making it somewhat incongruous as an av but still unique and recognizable as an image attached to a user.

Sonic fanfiction/sonic the tv series
27Toby Keith
Shock'n Y'all

UncleReich - Dale Earnhart Jr's no. 8 car proudly flying the flag of the United States while doing a burnout. Hell yeah. It's loud. It's jingoistic. It's terminally brain damaged. It's the best god-dang display of patriotism I've ever seen. Zuckerberg wishes he could rock to this level, fuckin creep. Whether it's done out of irony or not, this is the kind of avatar legends are made of. Outlandish displays of patriotism make for a fine indication of an outsized personality and UncleReich delivers.

Five hell yeahs/five hell yeahs
28Jeezy
Come Shop Wit Me

JEET JEET - A bemused African-American man looks in the direction of the comment. I don’t know who this person is, if he's anyone notable, but the placement of the image in relation to the comment make this a nice av on a few levels. But really, at the end of the day, it's a stock photo of a dude, and there's not much to be read into this image beyond that fact. Haven't really interacted with Jeet so can't say how well this jibes with his personality, but it speaks of a certain cleverness and doesn't really indicate much in the way of personality beyond that. Some googling revealed an Indian action movie titled "Jeet" which further deepens the mystery.

Whatever is filling the space immediately behind Gwyneth Paltrow's face/5
29Manatees
Manatees

Manatea - A manatee poking his flumpy head out of a cup of tea. It's exactly what it says on the tin, and made me want to switch from coffee to tea just so I could have this little guy taking a little hot tub break while steeping my brew. It's charming, it's simple, it's manatea. It would take a boat propeller to the dome to ruin this guy's day and we're not about to let that happen, are we? ARE WE? Hell no!

5 cups of tea/5
30Toundra
Toundra (II)

Tundra - a cartoon creature, based on a salamander, possibly a Pokémon? I don’t know what this thing is, and I feel like I’m better off not knowing. I choose to believe that it’s an artists rendition of a cryptid local to Tundra and spotted crossing country roads on moonlit nights. Locals refer to it as the Madfallygors, or bog lizard and it most often appears to those who are dangerously steeped in the local swill and stumbling home along the high road above the fens. Tundra has not yet seen one, but maintains the hope, like many of those local to his area, that he’ll finally be the one to document it. I refuse to countenance the possibility that this is a Pokémon.

Big Lizard in my Backyard/5
31Suffocate For Fuck Sake
Suffocate For Fuck Sake

ffs - a monster that I think is from a children’s book. I wish I could remember where it comes from, it’s tickling some part deep in my brain that says this once evoked something deep in me at one point in my life. The design is evocative and atmospheric, if lo-res, thanks to its venerability. ffs has used this image for over a decade, and for good reason. It’s atmospheric, easily identifiable and interesting in its own right.

5 vague, mysterious childhood(?) memories/5
32Shiner
Lula Divinia

Mort. - An ink press on cardboard of a child falling or just past the peak of being tossed, above a pair of waiting arms. It’s a concept with a lot of depth that’s rendered in as basic a medium as possible, in short: prime avatar material. What I like about this one is the tension and ambiguity of meaning behind the image, it recalls the sense of weightlessness and trust that being tossed into the air as a child brought up, and the placement of the child high above the parent adds to the sense of risk. There’s a duality of perspective between the two subjects, the trust and thrill and fear of the midair child and the arms reaching up, in a saving gesture. Ambiguity stems from the adult’s presumed responsibility for the moment, if the parent is responsible for this moment, is the child’s faith truly justified? More thoughts on faith and responsibility follow; in short this simple image evokes a lot of thought with almost minimal effort, as expected from an often prickly philosoph

5/5
33The Preacher
Burn My Soul

PumpBoffBag - Jesse Custer from Preacher, with a sardonic grin and a cigarette. I liked Preacher for what it is, always found that Cassidy’s terminal fuckup nature made him a more compelling character, but this makes for a fine-ass av. It’s cynical, it projects world-weariness, it’s cool as hell. Preacher isn’t exactly high art but its ridiculous edge is mostly entertaining as hell and I always found Jesse and Cassidy’s drunken dialogues the high point of the whole saga. Makes you want to get hammered and bullshit about Dylan or Cash or something.

SaintofKillers/arseface
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