Winrar
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Soundoffs 5
Album Ratings 496
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Last Active 03-03-13 4:08 am
Joined 02-20-12

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Skyrim = Morrowind For Special Kids

4proggy
1 
Album


Story- Fuck storytelling, we want a game that's easier for people to digest. Let's make a game about a legendary hero who slays dragons to save the world. Now, that's some genius storytelling right there.
2 Band
Album


Gameplay- Okay, remember when RPGs involved strategic thinking and dedication to clear monsters so players get a great sense of satisfaction after tough battles? FUCK THAT. Let's get rid of half the spells and skills to limit gameplay, add some fully sick slow motion scenes and have Michael Bay design the combat system. Let's make some skills break the game so more kiddies can rape dragons!
3 Band
Album


Characters: Now, we want players to feel that THEY'RE the most important character in the game. This is easier for us so we don't need to bother coming up with an interesting character that people will remember. Let's throw the same shitty voice actors on everyone and the only slightly unique character is a shitty joker clone. If other characters were cooler than the dovahkin, the kids will feel shitty.
4 
Album


Monsters: Okay, guys remember that game we made called Morrowind? Yeah, we had some pretty unique ideas for monsters... Ummmm... Can you guys think of any more monsters? No? Let's add Dragons, that's never been done in an RPG before. We want our players to feel comfortable fighting monsters that they're familiar with, i mean, who would want to fight something completely new and learn to develop strategies? Not our customers!
5 Band
Album


Dungeons: Add some bandits here... place some bear traps here and there. let's put an iron helmet of restoration at the end of the dungeon. We want our kids to feel rewarded for wasting half an hour on these shitty dungeons, so we feel that a special helmet for special kids would be perfect.
6 Band
Album


Environments: With maxed graphics, our water looks like water from Pokemon Emerald! Except twice as gay and no surfing. We wouldn't want our kids to feel any sort of immersion, we want kids to keep studying and being good kids, not addicts!
7 
Album


Quests: Okay, how do we engage our players without coming up with any sort of interesting quest? ...How about we reuse the same quest, change the location, change the quest giver and change the reward? BRILLIANT IDEA. Killing bandits at Point A and killing bandits at Point B would be two completely different quests!
8 
Album


Difficulty: Okay, we want our kids to feel special for completing our game, how about we make a master difficulty level where enemies hit twice the damage and have twice the health pool? Of course, there would be no strategy at this difficulty level, just longer battles but if we call it MASTER difficulty, our players will think that its' actually hard!
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