Jeremy Irons, 21 m, Midland, MI

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11.03.11 Opeth vs Tool10.30.11 Disappointing Albums
08.19.11 DEVIANT, for the love of God, Please...08.15.11 Neurosis Sucks, Lemme Explain Why.
07.15.11 Opeth Albums Ranked
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Opeth vs Tool

Probably the greatest mainstream bands of the last 2 decades, Tool rand Opeth sold a total of rr15 million albums together, Tool cca 13 and Opeth almost 2. They are known for having the rrmost retarded rfanbases in the world (after Radiohead and Porcupine Tree). I will now compare rrthem side by side, objectively, because I'm kinda bored.

Vocals: Maynard James Keenan 9.5/10: an old midget with the lung capacity of an olympic swimmer and the body build of a professional wrestler, an excellent screamer, his clean vocals are weird (The Pot) but most of the time he sings in falsetto to mask his pedophiliac voice. Mikael Akerfeldt 8/10: a swedish guy that looks like a beaver, with a funny mustache and beautiful curly hair (that probably smells nice), when he fails to growl live (every time) he becomes the best barkler and pig squealer on the planet, his clean vocals are pretty good for a monster.
My Arms, Your Hearse

Drums: Danny Carey 10/10: objectively the greatest drummer alive and possibly of all times, he is a level 32 master freemason and loves to introduce illuminati drum patterns in his beats, probably to brainwash his fanbase. Martin Axenrot 7.5/10: he looks exactly like Legolas from Lord of The Rings, but doesn't look like Orlando Bloom at all, decent drummer with no future, he improved dramatically on Heritage though and saved his career.

Guitar: Adam Jones 8.5/10: with strong and huge fangs and a bite that can rival the one of a croc, this weird fellow looks pretty creepy when performing live, he decided to create unique soundscapes with his creative riffs, all because he's having a hard time playing fast. Fredik Akesson 7.5/10: looks like an american redneck and he probably is really lame and horrible once you get to meet him in real life, he is also Mikael Akerfeldt's pet, he's very proud of himself because he is just playing what his owner writes for him.
Still Life

Bass: Justin Chancellor 9/10: looks exactly like Jesus Christ, that's because he probably is Jesus Christ, he is one of the coolest musicians ever, he can create boring basslines that never get boring, even if he repeats them for 11 minutes. Martin Mendez 7.5/10: Antonio Banderas with beard but without the charm and the musical talent, he is one of those "invisible musicians", he fits so well in the band you will never be able to hear him.
10,000 Days

Lyrics: Tool 6/10 : very eccentric, religious and philosophical, with preachy attitude and balls, sometimes profound, sometimes funny, sometimes lame, you won't know when to take this band seriously and not, but if you are impressed by american poetry this is the shit. Opeth 5.5/10: including themes such as: death, deaths, dying, laughing to death, worshipping lord satan, unfulfilled love and bad childhood, you would think this band is just another metal band, but they are actually death metal, which is much more retarded than normal metal.
Ghost Reveries

Chemistry: Tool 98/100: possibly the most complex band ever, they have no moments of weakness, when they're playing together it's like they're one single instrument. Opeth 77/10: hit and miss, they're changing the band's line-up like diapers, not once two consecutive Opeth albums had the same line-up, and that's saying something.

Conclusion: Waiting 5 or 7 years for a lifechanging, experimental, behemoth of an album without having to question its quality? OR Waiting 2-3 years for excellent albums that bring nothing new and keep you entertained only for a few weeks? You decide.
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