BigHans
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03.05.14 Riffs Of Smash02.25.14 Riffs Of F*cking Fist
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10 Most Embarrassing Albums I've Owned

People often ask me why I worship Metallica's Black album so much. Well, in the late 80's to early 90's, right around the time I was turning Ten, this is the shit I was listening to. I legitimately owned all of these at one time, either I purchased them for myself, or they were given to me. All on cassette tape. Thank God for James Hetfield.
1 Milli Vanilli
Girl You Know It's True


You know, looking back, they were one of the worst acts in music history BEFORE the lip synching incident at the Grammys. In my 4th grader angst, I led a mass tape destroying session of Milli Vanilli albums in the school cafeteria after we found out about it. I'm not kidding. A shitload of kids actually owned this and brought it in. Good times. Quintessential Shitty Song: Blame It on the Rain
2 New Kids on the Block
Hangin' Tough


Many of you weren't even alive yet (count your blessings), but this band was huge at one point. Enormous. Lady Ga Ga big. Over half these songs have "Girl" in it, and are some of the worst songs in music history. The 13 year old falsetto of Joey McYntire do this day makes me want to bash my face into a wall. These guys suffered one of the biggest backlashes in history, and for damn good reason. Quintessential Shitty Song: Please Don't Go Girl
3 Michael Bolton
Time, Love & Tenderness


Actual Lyric from the opus "Love is a Wonderful Thing:" "The only thing a river knows is running to the sea/and every spring when a flower grows it happens naturally." It went downhill from there. Quintessential Shitty Song: Time, Love & Tenderness
4Kriss Kross
Totally Krossed Out


So yeah, the gimmick here was 12 year old boys rapping while wearing their clothes backwards. That, and laying down some of the worst hip/hop songs in history. Typical playground beats run amuk lyrics like "the miggidy miggidy MACK is here" and "Warm it up Chris, I'm about to, Warm it Up Chris, cause that's what I was born to do." Shameful. Quintessential shitty song: Jump
5Color Me Badd
C.M.B.


I can't decide if "I Adore Mi Amor" or " I Wanna Sex You Up" is the worst song of 1991. Horribly done synth pop, and one of the ugliest dudes in history sang in the band. Quintessential Shitty Song: I Wanna Sex You Up
6 C & C Music Factory
Gonna Make You Sweat


Believe it or not, there were three huge singles that came out of this river of festering shit. Bad techno beats, even worse singing, and probably the worst rapping in history was plastered throughout the album. Quintessential shitty song: Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm
7Vanilla Ice
To The Extreme


I'll still admit I like "Ice Ice Baby" in an ironic fashion, and its the ultimate guilty pleasure. However, the rest of Gangsta Wannabe Robbie Van Winkle's tour de force is beyond unlistenable. Ice introduces flavors of reggae, dance, and attempted tough guy rap. Absolutely none of it works. He also wrote a 200 page autobiography outlining all of his gang fights, and the trials of growing up in the ghetto. Of course it all turned out to be bullshit, and of course, I owned this book. Quintessential Shitty Song: Play That Funky Music
8 MC Hammer
Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em


I already mocked this one today: ://www.sputnikmusic.com/list.php?memberid=429519&listid=37995
9Garth Brooks
In the Life of Chris Gaines


There's really no excuse here, as I was 19 when I bought this. I was going through a country phase and love Garth, so I figured it was just another album. I guess the fact he was wearing mascara on the album cover should have given away the album contains some of the absolute worst rock/doo wap/R & B in history. I really can't describe how bad this really is. Quintessential Shitty Song: Driftin Away
10Boyz II Men
Cooleyhighharmony


The best of this lot, which is similar to being the strongest quadripelgiac in town. Some say "Its So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" is a touching and emotional song. I say it is one of the worst things I have ever heard, and its probably the best song on the album. Quintessential Shitty Song: Motownphilly.
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