ianblxdsoe
05.19.17 | pay attention to structure and word choice. also make sure you explain WHY you like something instead of being like "uh oh yeah this song is sick". also don't do a track by track |
KManoc1
05.19.17 | Make sure your review isn't biased. |
Satellite
05.19.17 | make sure it's a track-by-track review. |
Winesburgohio
05.19.17 | have a thicke, creamey one before you write it |
CompostCompote
05.19.17 | Rely on factual information only. Do not just make up any old shit. |
dbizzles
05.19.17 | You can always have a staff or contrib reviewer proof read it. I'm sure someone here would be willing to help. Ianblxdsoe's advice was good as well. |
GhostOfSarcasticBtrd
05.19.17 | 1. Spellcheck and grammar check your review. Please. Twice. Three times even.
2. Don't overuse the same descriptive adjectives, especially not more than once in quick succession.
3. Have a flow to your review. Don't just jump all around cause it makes it a chore to read.
4. Read it aloud and make sure that it doesn't sound awkward. If it sounds awkward being spoken that means it's poorly written. |
ianblxdsoe
05.19.17 | [2] |
rodrigo90
05.19.17 | Read theory about writing paragraphs and essays, it helps a lot |
Astral Abortis
05.19.17 | "Make sure your review isn't biased."
Worst advice ever, every single review is biased. If a review isn't biased, it's not a review.
My advice:
Have some structure. Start with an introduction, elaborate your initial thought process, give some flavour to your review.
Have a couple of paragraphs with some loose descriptions of sound, how the albums makes you feel, if there is any band info you're particularly well-versed in, neatly intertwine it with these. Keep your opening paragraph in mind, it sets a tone and standard in mind you should stick to.
Close it by tying up your thoughts, feelings, etc.
Things to avoid: assuming the reader knows too much about the band/album, assuming the reader knows too little about the band/album, being overly descriptive of the album's sound, being overly metaphorical, meandering thoughts, etc.
And good luck! |
GhostOfSarcasticBtrd
05.19.17 | Avoid describing something as having "dancing monochromatic beats." |
CompostCompote
05.19.17 | So avoid reviewing all techno |
Demon of the Fall
05.19.17 | Use lots of complicated & unusual words that people will be impressed by.
Don't mention how the music sounds, instead concentrate on pointless background information & irrelevant political musings that are teniuously patched together.
Don't use paragraphs & make sure you include a comprehensive track-by-track section, in fact make that your whole review.
Make sure the review is overly positive or negative, there is no middle ground & people don't like pussies who sit on the fence. Write the review like you're personally insulting people with the opposite viewpoint.
Write important bits in UPPER CASE, it helps effectively get your point across without the unnecessary effort.
Thank me later.
|
anat
05.19.17 | Focus on tautology, people often make the same point a few times over just in different ways, using different words that mean the same thing, in order to lengthen or extend their review and make it longer. |
Astral Abortis
05.19.17 | "So avoid reviewing all techno"
Bingo. |
Sinternet
05.19.17 | track by track
unfunny pun as summary
give it a 5 and fail to justify it to any degree
make sure the album has an average no higher than 3.0
use 'I' a lot
spend at least half the review talking about yourself (keep it as self-centered and unhumble as possible)
gratuitous grammar and spelling mistakes
pick a fight with everyone in the comment section
thats the checklist for a sputnik-tier review
|
Maco097
05.19.17 | Nothing because I'm not gonna read it. |
dbizzles
05.19.17 | 'Avoid describing something as having "dancing monochromatic beats."'
Best review of 2016 used that. Don't listen to this advice. |
Astral Abortis
05.19.17 | Still the best review i've ever written tbh |
GhostOfSarcasticBtrd
05.19.17 | Not exactly a high bar tbh. |
dbizzles
05.19.17 | Knew that was coming.
Harmonica, just check my reviews as advice for what not to do. |
GhostOfSarcasticBtrd
05.19.17 | He teed it up for me... I had to swing. |
Astral Abortis
05.19.17 | Yeah you're not difficult to bait it's true |
hasan
05.19.17 | try to just get on the page and say alot in the post good words, just to type very very fast is a good thing and say what is on your mind as fast as you can on the key board i think and make a good write up on the cd |
Astral Abortis
05.19.17 | Just commenting in the same thread as you always guarantees some kind of tired reactionary insult |
hasan
05.19.17 | Today i was wondering what is everyone fav pop punk band mine has to be sum 41 brandnew and the maysides tell me your fav pop punk bands |
NastyCrab
05.19.17 | commenting to bookmark this thread so I can absorb hasan's sage advice |
Spec
05.19.17 | get decently buzzed beforehand, write that bad boy and edit out the grammar the next day |
dbizzles
05.19.17 | 'the maysides'
lololol please be bayside haha please. |
pizzamachine
05.19.17 | When you write a review, write a good review |
Ocean of Noise
05.20.17 | Best thing you can do is read lots of reviews, write lots of reviews and listen to any and all criticism you receive. The best way to get good at something is to do it a lot. Getting good writers to proofread for you will probably help too. |
Rigma
05.20.17 | use phrases such as "trap influenced" and "hailing from the uk" |
CompostCompote
05.20.17 | Avoid describing female genitalia as 'trap influenced' |
