Cringe Queue Ratings, Part I
I dug up some of the most seemingly painful albums I could find from old metalcore acts as well as a few others with extremely low ratings.
Average Score: 36.67 (1.83 / 5.00)
I'll upload part 2 once I finish listening the albums on it and put them together. |
| 1 |  | Miss May I
Rise of the Lion
A surprisingly enjoyable listen. It's nothing that will blow you away, and at times borders on generic, but it still manages to pull off what it tries to pretty well considering how dated many of its ideas have become.
64/100 (3.20 / 5.00) |
| 2 |  | Attack Attack! (US)
Someday Came Suddenly
A generally pretty fun listen that can miss hard when it does, but still has some enjoyable tunes.
62/100 (3.10 / 5.00) |
| 3 |  | Blink-182
Nine
It's Blink-182. It's no secret that they're long past their prime, but at least this record has a lot more to offer than their previous offering, California. Though it doesn't have a song which stands out as great, like Bored to Death, it's more consistent and enjoyable as a whole than that album was.
58/100 (2.90 / 5.00) |
| 4 |  | Bring Me the Horizon
Music to Listen to...
It's pretty interesting, if I'm being honest. I would be inclined to give this a higher rating, and it was higher for a while, if it wasn't for the track the Underground Big. It's probably the worst track on here by far, which isn't good considering its runtime of 24 minutes. It starts off good, but then devolves about 4-6 minutes in into a poorly thought out podcast-bit where the artist fumbles through a bunch of faux deep lines for the next 20. There are moments like this throughout the album that bog it down greatly, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have its fair share of interesting ideas.
55/100 (2.75 / 5.00) |
| 5 |  | Saliva
Saliva
Somewhat run-of-the-mill for what it is, but with some pretty entertaining tracks and some that I ended up enjoying more than I thought I would.
53/100 (2.65 / 5.00) |
| 6 |  | The Used
Imaginary Enemy
There are some interesting ideas and strong lyrical themes throughout this album, and some that are done in a really entertaining way, but they are usually bogged down by the lyricism when considering this project as a whole. At times these are specific things that the artist is pointing to, however at others the lyrics just wander into the stereotypical rebellious teen music territory where it wants to say something and revolt against something, but never really knows what.
52/100 (2.60 / 5.00) |
| 7 |  | Black Veil Brides
We Stitch These Wounds
A metalcore classic with songs like Knives and Pens and Perfect Weapon that, while edgy, I still have a nostalgic soft spot for. There are some other genuinely good tracks in this album as well, however there are also many tracks that fall flat or don't reach the high highs of those tracks. Still, like the albums before this one, there are many enjoyable things scattered throughout this album.
51/100 (2.55 / 5.00) |
| 8 |  | Hinder
The Reign
Sometimes hard rock gets a bad rap. Yeah it's corny, yeah the lyrics aren't always the best, true, but it can be fun and pretty enjoyable when you're in the right mood. This album is no exception.
50/100 (2.50 / 5.00) |
| 9 |  | Nickelback
Dark Horse
This album is jarring. At many points it seems more like a compilation of songs put together than a single album with a single purpose. This is because of how much this album tries to be. On one track, the singer talks about his friend dying in an alley of an overdose, then in the next tries to make a family friendly song about advice in life. The lyrics on this album are probably the corniest you're going to find anywhere, like with If Today Was Your Last Day. Still, there are some really enjoyable moments in this album (though with how many songs on this album are extremely nostalgic for me I think I do have a fair amount of bias on this one).
49/100 (2.45 / 5.00) |
| 10 |  | Of Mice and Men
Cold World
Some parts of this album slap, others just on their faces. It's a mixed bag from a band who usually produces mixed-bag albums. However when this album goes in, it goes in hard.
49/100 (2.45 / 5.00) |
| 11 |  | Bullet For My Valentine
Temper Temper
It's alright, sometimes it works, and other times it doesn't. The band tries to rehash old ideas, which at certain points ends up pretty well like the continuation of Tears Don't Fall (though the intro to that track saying "let's go again" was painfully meta) and other times doesn't really go anywhere.
48/100 (2.40 / 5.00) |
| 12 |  | Disturbed
Evolution
Featuring a boomer anti-phone song that was at least entertaining in that it made me laugh at it a good bit, with lyrics like "you move like an electric zombie". There are a good amount of really bad moments like this scattered throughout this album, however there were others that were genuinely not that bad, and some that were pretty good like the stretch from Stronger On Your Own to Savior of Nothing, with Hold on to Memories being a surprisingly strong track all things considered.
46/100 (2.30 / 5.00) |
| 13 |  | Theory of a Deadman
Wake Up Call
It's hard to fully knock this album. Some of the lyrical ideas are pretty clever and interesting, but where they flounder is in their execution. While I often found myself interested in what the artist was singing about conceptually, and at some points lyrically, more often than not the poor lyrics and somewhat generic instrumentation and production bog these ideas down heavily.
44/100 (2.20 / 5.00) |
| 14 |  | Green Day
Father of All Motherfuckers
Something about this album seems so hollow. The instrumentation makes it sound like it's supposed to be this big fun pop punky album, and the vocals make it sound like it wants to be there, but that end only really seems artificial. The vocals try to capture something that Green Day hasn't had for a long time, and because of that it just seem like an imitation without much energy.
40/100 (2.00 / 5.00) |
| 15 |  | Imagine Dragons
Origins
It's a pretty generic, though somewhat awkward pop album. There's not really much to say about it that hasn't already been said. It's not the worst thing I've heard, but I don't think it's something I would return to any time soon.
39/100 (1.95 / 5.00) |
| 16 |  | Godsmack
When Legends Rise
Classic "we're so cool guys, right?" music that doesn't really say anything. It tries to make you feel pumped up without really providing anything to supplement that feeling. A good album doesn't have to have a message, but when the album doesn't really offer anything, it's hard to give it the time.
38/100 (1.90 / 5.00) |
| 17 |  | Fall Out Boy
M A N I A
This album has some alright tracks, though it can be pretty hard to listen to. Unfortunately the latter is true more often.
35/100 (1.75 / 5.00) |
| 18 |  | Drowning Pool
Hellelujah
An overly edgy album from a band that is already pretty edgy. The album does go in hard sonically, but as soon as you start to read or listen to the lyrics, they get so bad that it's often difficult to listen to. One of the most egregious examples is the track "Meet the Bullet", which starts with the mother of all horror-esque clichés, the singing little girl, going into a song with the opening chorus "if you're crazy and you know it, shoot yourself". I think that should speak for itself on this one.
31/100 (1.55 / 5.00) |
| 19 |  | Falling in Reverse
Fashionably Late
The mother of all ego stroking albums. This entire album is just the band stroking its own ego, then failing at trying to stroke the listener's. Even the more listenable and nostalgia-ridden tracks on this one don't really do anything for me anymore, and listening to them in the context of the album has made me like them even less.
30/100 (1.50 / 5.00) |
| 20 |  | Skillet
Victorious
The lyrics on this one are laughably bad. Extremely corny choruses that would make Godsmack run for their money. One of the absolute worst examples on this album is the track "Finish Line" that I almost had to listen to twice to believe how bad the chorus was: "Heroes never die/They're gonna make it to the finish line". There are a few somewhat enjoyable moments on here, especially if you're a fan for their sound because of nostalgia or otherwise, but the lyrics on this album are pretty bad.
26/100 (1.30 / 5.00) |
| 21 |  | Asking Alexandria
Like a House on Fire
It's weird how an album like this exists in 2020. An overly masculine metalcore album (or at least one that tries to be) with so much exaggerated swagger without anything to back it up. The sound is stuck in the 2000s in the worst possible ways, and the lyrics and lyrical themes so overly macho and confrontational that the insecurities of this band are practically calling out to you.
22/100 (1.10 / 5.00) |
| 22 |  | Motionless in White
Disguise
Something about this album irked me so much. It's not just the fact that these same ideas are being done in 2019 that haven't worked since the 2000s, but that this album tries to throw in cliché horror movie tropes and tries way too hard to be a "creepy" or "horror" related album while using the most stale samples it could find in those genres.
19/100 (0.95 / 5.00) |
| 23 |  | Five Finger Death Punch
And Justice for None
The lyrics. Oh my god the lyrics. This album is worth listening to if for no other reason than to hear how hilariously bad the lyrics are at so many points throughout the album. Just look at the reviews of this album for some of the highlights, or listen for yourself.
18/100 (0.90 / 5.00) |
| 24 |  | Corey Feldman
Angelic 2 The Core
It's not good, yeah, and while I can't really see myself giving this album a much higher rating, I think it's still a very interesting album, if for nothing else, for learning about Corey Feldman. Throughout this album, especially in his cover of Working Class Hero with some specifically altered lyrics that call to the traumatic experiences he's had growing up, hint at what lies beneath the popiness of this album and the attempt to do whatever it was he was trying to do with this. I think that no matter what your opinion of this album is, or of Corey is, it's worth at least looking into these things, if for nothing else so that they're not buried under the rug or under the fact that yeah, this album itself is really bad.
8/100 (0.40 / 5.00) |
| 25 |  | Capture the Crown
‘Til Death
This is the only album in this series that I stopped listening through mid-way, and which took more than 1 listening session to get through. I have no idea what they were going for here, but the end result is like someone tried to play Attack Attack using a chalk board and nails.
3/100 (0.15 / 5.00) |
| 26 |  | Annoying Orange
Emoji Raps
It's an Annoying Orange Emoji Rap album. I don't think I even really need to explain myself here.
0/100 (0.00 / 5.00) |
| 27 |  | Cokie The Clown
You're Welcome
I'm just going to copy and paste my short statement from somewhere else because honestly this album isn't worth the effort.
Wow this album actually is terrible. I can’t tell whether this is a joke or not, because a lot of the comments on this album say or imply that it was intended as a joke album. In that case it is beyond edgy and just blatantly disrespectful of serious and extremely personal and scarring situations. If it’s not meant as a joke album, it still handles these things with little to no respect. It’s sung like it’s narrated, which makes it really unclear what he was going for. Is it supposed to be autobiographical? Is it meant to call light to these issues? Is it actually meant to be an overly edgy joke album? It’s honestly extremely hard to tell, and every answer leads to some conclusion that the album is shit. It sounds like shit, is written like shit, and handles these serious topics shittily.
0/100 (0.00 / 5.00) |
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