mechanicallungs
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Last Active 05-09-16 10:39 pm
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05.02.16 Douchebaggery 101: Ways of the Douche05.01.16 Rate My Music Taste

Douchebaggery 101: Ways of the Douche

*Commentary on a douche I know. Made this just for shits and giggles so don´t get your panties in a bunch.* The following list includes: 1. Favorite albums of said douche and explanations of their ultimate douchery 2. National geographic style narrative of said douche´s behavior 3. The word ¨douche¨ being said at least 124 times 4. Explicit Content
1Five Finger Death Punch
Got Your Six

When someone dares to question the douche´s favorite band and their ¨talent.¨ The douche enters a state of rage, pulling ridiculous facts from said douche´s ass in order to support his argument such as ¨Five Finger Death Punch are the greatest metal band in the universe¨ or ¨Five Finger Death Punch were the number one band in the world in 2015 and all the years before that too¨ or simply ¨Fuck you, bro.¨
Now FFDP is a band comprised of douches made for douches and the chug-chug-chuging of their hollow guitar riffs simply reek of old sweaty jockstraps and horny virgins.
2Limp Bizkit
Three Dollar Bill Y'all

The douche is a mysterious creature, a short and somewhat stout being who often chooses to waddle about like a sad penguin and wear horrible 80´s acid wash jeans that said douche most likely stole from his mother´s closet. The douche is cool and the douche knows it.
No need to explain Limp Bizkit´s douchery, it´s pretty clear. *Cough*Cough* Fred Durst.
3Korn
The Path of Totality

The douche insists that the only genre of music worth listening to is Nu-Metal and the douche owns it. The douche likes new Korn better than old Korn and the douche knows it.
Korn should´ve hung up their kilts and freaks on said leashes when they were still good. Now they´re just being douches.
4Slipknot
Iowa

I actually like Slipknot but when you have song titles like ¨People=Shit¨ you´re bound to attract some douches. So Iowa is basically a breeding ground for the douche and his douchey friends that live in ¨Canada.¨
5Kanye West
Yeezus

¨For me to be saying I´m not a genius I´d be lying to you and myself.¨ - Kanye West
In other words, I AM GOD. The douche worships his all-mighty douche-god and tries so hard to imitate his behavior but ultimately, and always, fails and is lumped in with his other douchey subjects and minions. Now I´ve got to admit that Kanye has talent but unfortunately it is masked by his ego and blatant arrogance. The epitome of the perfect douche.
6Nickelback
Dark Horse

Everybody hates Nickelback. I´m sorry Canada.
7Attila
About That Life

Cancerous. Awful. Terrible. Homophobic. Misogynistic. The ultimate douche royalty.

Observations of our young and impressionable douche after listening to About That Life: the lowering of one´s pants, general hygiene decreases, the repetition of the word ¨bro¨ and stating that everything is ¨gay¨ for ex: bro, you´re so gay! Bro, that chair is so gay! Bro, getting a good education and being decent human beings is so freaking gay! Highfive, brosef, let´s go huff some elmer´s glue and make terrible life decisions! Hell yeah bro, life is so gay!!111

Fuck you, Attila, fuck you and your douchey hair.
8Blood on the Dance Floor
Epic

An utter disgrace. Douchiness oozes from every pore of this atrocity that needs to burn in Hell along with whatever douche decides that these insects are the bee´s knees. I mean just look at that album cover. LOOK AT IT!!

I am dead.
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