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Staff
Reviews 265
Soundoffs 135
News Articles 33
Band Edits + Tags 56
Album Edits 41
Album Ratings 3484
Objectivity 69%
Last Active 12-23-22 6:13 pm
Joined 04-27-15
Review Comments 21,122
| Metal Archives Quote Megathread
So obviously a lot of us like to dunk on Metal Archives for their overt elitism and and ridiculous writeups. Well, I decided to make a list compiling the site's funniest/cringiest review excerpts; I'll keep updating it as I find more good ones, or if anyone else comes across ones I missed. Also, I'm not going to name the MA users I'm quoting from, because I don't want to be that much of an ass. | | 1 |  | Meshuggah
Nothing
"While I respect all kinds of artistic effort and never give out a 0% rating, Meshuggah really asked for it here. Both for making an album so bad that calling it shit would be an insult to shit, and for killing their old selves and creating a shitty pseudo-metal band that middle-class minnow teens who think they're tough can enjoy.
Highlights: Fuck you, no highlights." 0/100 | | 2 |  | Pantera
Vulgar Display of Power
"It would be one thing for the band to be as horrendous as they are - but to be so influential, and such obvious hacks - it's a travesty. How could such a completely worthless band become so popular and widely acclaimed? I could believe it's a conspiricy bigger than the JFK assassination, The Illuminati, Skull and Bones, Roswell and 9-11 combined. How else could I hope to explain that and still retain any sort of optimism toward humanity?" 0/100 | | 3 |  | Gojira
From Mars to Sirius
"I don't even want to talk about this anymore. From Mars to Sirius is just boring as fuck and that's about all there is to say about it. It slogs on and on through the same handful of tricks for a torturous amount of time and genuinely gives me a headache to listen to. I can dig simple shit, I think Amon Amarth used to be absolute titans when it came to making the most basic beginner level riffs sound like the coolest shit in the world, but Gojira absolutely misses the mark." 30/100 | | 4 |  | Metallica
Master of Puppets
"Random hippie crap, combined with a few random recycled Mustaine moments, all held together by the glue of Hetfield's average riff constructions - perfectly suitable for an average, mediocre, fifth-rate garage thrash ensemble. And Ulrich's megalomania, that realised that this steaming pile of directionless garbage was THE universal solution to bringing him fame. Not that it was any good - precisely because it WASN'T. Because it was mediocre, any idiot with an axe could be like Hetfield now, and if Ride the Lightning sold a whole fuckload of copies, then Master of Puppets, on inertia alone, would sell a whole fuckload more, and thus the seed was set. And that, my friends, is why Lars Ulrich is the worst thing ever to happen to heavy fucking metal." 0/100 | | 5 |  | Machine Head
Burn My Eyes
"And, frankly, that style of music blows ass. You take a perfectly good genre of music, and poop on it. There really is no good reason why, other than "it hadn't been done before". New shit is still shit. That's just how the world works. It's music like this that is the precursor to fucking mallcore. Look what you've done, you goddamn imbeciles. You took thrash and speed metal and turned it into this swill. Stupid squeal guitar, awful clean vocals, and other derivatives of modern filth that are pretty much a rebellion against common sense." 34/100 | | 6 |  | Wintersun
Wintersun
"Add to that a terrible idea of flow and structure and then make it all spew forth from one of the most intensely unlikeable cocks in metal and you end up with a pretty shitty album overall. Jari Maenpaa folded with a focus and intensity normally seen only in successes. I'm not gonna call the fans a bunch of turds who are entertained by jingling keys and believe that something is majestic and beautiful simply because it has keys and they're told as such, but OH LOOK GO GET THE BALL! *throws tennis ball*
PS - I hate how "Jari Maenpaa" is on the album art. God forbid somebody mistake this as a band effort instead of all coming from his one glorious, genius imagination. I hope he swallows a bumble bee." 34/100 | | 7 |  | Whitechapel
This Is Exile
"Fuck this pathetic band, they are brainwashing people and commercializing extreme music by the masses with it’s accessibility in the sound, it’s pathetic and I can’t understand how any real metalhead can be fooled by this. I want to seriously warn people because I see folks going around all the time telling others that Whitechapel is the band to stick with because it’s brutal deathcore or some form of lies. This is the most stereotypical form of breakdown laden deathcore with an edge of wanting to be ‘brutal’ by adding in other fake elements in an attempt to trick real metalheads; fortunately we’re smart enough to realize this… not so much with the other easily brainwashed folk." 0/100 | | 8 |  | Meshuggah
Pitch Black
"This band really reminds me of the soft-heavy, quiet-loud nu-meddle from the early 2000s. The fact that Meshuggah receives so much praise is almost scary because the music is so brain dead simple and arranged in such a boringly linear fashion that this comes off as being no more complex than AC/DC. Throw out the calculus and math arguments about the counterpoints (really clean guitar augmenting bowel movement sounds) and the "complex time signatures" (really just a drummer changing his pattern around lifeless riffs) and you end up with nu-meddle." 0/100 | | 9 |  | Deafheaven
Sunbather
"Understandably, I've had maybe 5-10 people recommend that I try listening to Sunbather. Which... given the irony of the genres here, is quite a task, because post-black metal to me doesn't read as my forte. That said, given the amount of praise (or, lack thereof, in some cases) with this album I keep getting, I feel... ever so more inclined. So... fuck it. This review is for you guys. You people who won't shut the fuck up about it. I'm nailing this down in the coffin. You guys deserve to know I fucking despise this record, and my job right now is to communicate to you why everything about this album reads to me like senseless dribble garbage garage fuck noise that I didn't need to hear." 15/100 | | 10 |  | Winds of Plague
Resistance
"This music has no meaning - it was written solely for the use as a backdrop for social interaction among the unwise. This heaping mass of rotting diarrhea ("album") destroys brain cells and causes wiggerfication faster than other wigger culture related activities like "huffing paint" and "smoking meth". I wouldn't wish this level of banality to reach the ears of my own worst enemy. If you care about better education, a destiny among the stars, anything - steer clear of this album that might as well have been the Insane Clown Posse's response to Metallica's Lulu. Avoid at all costs. Vapid (file next to Fallujah and Opeth)." 0/100 | | 11 |  | Slipknot (CT)
Slipknot
"Holy moses! It’s Slipknot on the Archives! What an abomination. Oh..wait..1980? Ah, well this is certainly not the infamous Slipknot we all know and despise." 90/100 | | 12 |  | Liturgy
Aesthethica
"I'll admit: Liturgy is not nearly the god awful obstruction we might have been led to believe through the front man's rambling. But the only boundaries being pushed here are those of my bowel walls." 43/100 | | 13 |  | Opeth
Damnation
"It really is difficult to point out a standout track, as every single one of them is horrid, but if I had a gun to my head, I would say track 3 “Death Whispered a Lullaby,” as it has vocals that don’t sound as if they were coming from a dying victim. The reason that this album is not memorable is because for the most part it’s boring uninspired shit. If the album contained more tracks like “Death Whispered a Lullaby,” this might have been an okay album." 20/100 | | 14 |  | Agalloch
The Mantle
"The rest is pretty much the same as A Celebration for the Death of Man. Grey, soulless half-metal. This album is the perfect sound track for filing a tax report, clipping your toenails, or mopping the floor. Anyone who likes this should consider a career in accounting - if this is interesting music to you, accounting will be like skydiving without a parachute while injecting pure adrenaline into your eyeballs." 15/100 | | 15 |  | Pantera
Far Beyond Driven
"So riffage is the most responsible agent for this explosion of bad-assness, with some pretty much mind bending solos that rip your brain cells like heroin does to a junkie. The riffs are pretty much simple at some points, and I read in some review that, I quote "anyone could have thought off this shit". OK, AC/DC's riffs are all pretty much simple and basic, and yet many people, including me, appreciate them and their work, and If you don't you're a fucking retarded." 90/100 | | 16 |  | Exhorder
Slaughter in the Vatican
“This is great fucking THRASH here - sure it has that Louisiana sound do it at times, but without ever sacrificing the RIFFS. Yes kids, if you want to write good metal, make sure to include lots and lots of riffs. Now drink your fucking milk and fuck off and die.” 83/100 | | 17 |  | Sepultura
Roots
“It has rightfully earned not only the honor of being stamped with The Royal Seal of Gayness, but the top status as valedictorian of the class for its helping spread the mallcore virus through the classrooms of crappy core high school, where all metal ceases to be.” 0/100
“My God, this album is so fucking atrocious. It's the equivalent of shitting on the ceiling. Sure, it's different, and takes some effort, but in the end, it's just shit all the same.” 8/100 | | 18 |  | Iron Maiden
Iron Maiden
"I'm always kind of intimidated when I approach albums (and bands) such as this one just because I feel hopelessly out of my element. Iron Maiden doesn't feature nearly enough slams to make it into my personal collection of favorites; there's a complete lack of wiggerisms in the lyrics, and gravity blasts are all but totally absent. You have to keep in mind that when it comes to metal, I really got into the scene through black and death, skipping most of the formative heavy and thrash bands most people are listening to long before Morbid Angel. This makes listening to bands like Iron Maiden sort of an odd, reverse-formative experience; in short, it's sort of alien to me, especially because I don't feel the sort of connection to bands like this one that others do. "Altars of Madness?" Of course, inspires youthful joy like nothing else. But "Powerslave?" I'm not so sure." 54/100 | | 19 | | Metallica
Master of Puppets
"And heavy metal is about BALLS. It's about riffs, it's about smashing a spike through the brains of the listener, making him/her/it perk up and die hard. It's about the slow, twisting zombie passages of Triumph of Death. It's about the flash and the colour and the violence of Chainsaw Charlie. It's about the constant multidirectional bludgeon of From the Past Comes the Storms. It's CERTAINLY NOT about Hetfield moaning "leave me be..." like a thousand other assrape victims to come. But, unfortunately, this is what the world caught onto." 0/100 | | 20 |  | Morbid Angel
Covenant
"Seems that no one can stop the fury of a crazy drummer and the fast solos. Vincent's growls, so inspired by Cronos but heavier, describe the tortures and the deaths of the Christians, operated by the Romans in the arenas. Oh, fuck…simply orgasm for my ears and my mouth when I sing those lyrics." 96/100 | | 21 |  | Death
Individual Thought Patterns
"His vocals definitely aren't as bad here as they would be on the next two albums, but that doesn't really make me think better of them in any case. If lyrics about goat fucking and Satan's penis will make for a more exciting vocal performance, I'll take those any day over Evil Chuck monotonously ranting about how everyone thinks they're smart but they're not, and also a plethora of other things that I don't really care about. Ghouls attacking a church to crush the holy priest seems like an infinitely more fun activity to do, anyway." 20/100 | | 22 |  | Kreator
Pleasure to Kill
"The next song is "Death is your Saviour" and it's title speaks for itself.... You don't even have to read the lyrics in order to understand that if you don't like this album and you don't bang your head like a maniac while listenning to these lethal riffs, the meaning of it is that you're a fuckin' poseur who doesn't understand what metal is all about and only an immediate death could save you from your meaningless existance! I was really surprised to discover that this song's lyrics have nothing to do with poseurs..... Well, death to the fuckin' poseurs again, anyway!" 100/100 | | 23 |  | Opeth
Blackwater Park
"This is not HEAVY FUCKING METAL the way it is supposed to be played - nothing comes out and screams "On your knees!! I want you on your knees!" like metal is supposed to do. Yes, I subscribe to some pretty old-fashioned metal ideas, that metal is supposed to be impressive and majestic and arouse me into battle frenzy. Not this." 3/100 | | 24 |  | Celtic Frost
Monotheist
"Whatever riffs you want to imagine on Monotheist, it's really the kind of shit they tried on Prototype to dream of baiting Korn and System of a Down fans into the morbid fold. That demo was shelved because it was as pathetic and obvious a "we follow every trend"-circus as Cold Lake, but the idea survived, it was simply reshaped to appear "more Celtic Frost" by changing the aesthetics. Same pitiful style of non-riffs, but re-imagined slower and sadder so the jumpdafuckup won't jump da fuck in your face as much, given a monolithic sound that courts similarities to the legendary Apocalyptic Raids EP and whoosh everyone is happy. You couldn't do the same with a Papa Roach album, because while musically it would be the same if treated to the same aesthetic change, Monotheist succeeds entirely on brand recognition. So the mind of the listener goes from "Oh this is a gothed up nu-metal album" to "Oh Celtic Frost are back with this dark and crushing sound."" 5/100 | | 25 |  | Megadeth
Countdown to Extinction
"My single biggest reservation about this album and Megadeth after Rust in Peace is Marty Friedman. The music speaks for itself. As soon as he got a little leeway to give his share, he softened the band with his "rock" riffs and sub-par contributions. The guy can play the shit out of a guitar, but apparently Megadeth "wasn't aggressive enough for him." And this is the guy who played on Risk, Cryptic Writings, Youthanasia, and CTE, the softest albums of Megadeth's career because of him. Go shove Peace Sells...But Who's Buying up your ass you pretentious poser and learn what aggressive really means."
"As Dr. Evil says: "You're quasi-evil. You're semi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the diet Coke of evil." This is the Diet Coke of Megadeth's career. The beginning of the end." 73/100 | | 26 |  | Mastodon
Leviathan
"In an interview, Mastodon claimed to be "cooler" than Dream Theater because Dream Theater "look gay" and James LaBrie "sounds gay like an opera singer" and various other things involving the word "gay". Gay or not (and the fact that they're all married with kids suggests otherwise), Dream Theater have infinitely better vocals, more interesting riffs, decent leads, and no groove/core bullshit (except in Train of Thought). Sorry, Mastodon, but you and your record are not cool. Not cool at all." 55/100 | | 27 |  | Dream Theater
Metropolis Pt. 2: Scenes from a Memory
"This story goes nowhere interesting and only ends with two of the three characters dead; a happy ending would have all of them dead, probably from suicide from realize that they're living inside a soap opera. I also don't understand why the dude in the present just had to go back to relive a stupid drama like this. Surely if he had traveled back further in his reincarnation history, he would have come across a Spartan, pirate, viking, or even a prostitute. If this soap opera is the most exciting past life he could get, his other lives must have been filled with Arabian carpet merchants, Irish sheep herders, and Indian garbage men." 21/100 | | 28 |  | Strapping Young Lad
City
"If it comes to industrial metal, Godflesh and Ministry managed to be percussive and relentless, but not this. This is no guitar god business for sure. The drums are also very, very mechanical and accurate, but the rhythms are lacking flexibility and hearing such simplistic songs does not make me too happy. Devin is the main figure for this album. This guy has got balls for an entire army of freshly-fired taxi drivers. He is loud as fuck, he possesses a great voice, but here fucking comes the fucking problem... These fucking lyrics would have fucking been written by my fucking five fucking year old fucking sister as well. Fucking dumb." 43/100 | | 29 |  | Black Label Society
1919 Eternal
"It's the worst BLS I've ever heard, not that their other efforts are exactly beacons of magnificence. The flamenco bit will probably make you shit your pants, but the rest of the album is more or less a fitting soundtrack to the act of cleaning it up. You'll feel pretty much the same about doing either." 19/100 | | 30 |  | Opeth
Still Life
""Serenity Painted Death" blazes forward at breakneck speed... well, for these guys anyway. I hope they didn't break too many bones playing at over 110 beats per minute." 6/100 | | 31 |  | Waking the Cadaver
Perverse Recollections of a Necromangler
"Waking The Cadaver have the image of dirty baseball snapbacks, oversized Kraanium and Vulvectomy t-shirts, and basketball shorts you get at Wal-Mart for 5 hard earned American dollars. They are the men with the "dankest of kush" and the "greasiest of foreskins." Take all this imagery and plug it into the grimy sewer known as brutal death metal. It fits! It really fucking fits." 95/100(???) | | 32 |  | Testament
Demonic
"Kill me now. About 1/3 of Testament’s catalogue sucks, and this is the worse of them all. Demonic Refusal (stupid fucking title) starts off with a boring intro and.. pig squeals??? Yeah, Chuck, slam called, they want their unlistenable vocal technique back. This guy can sing, and he choses to go oink oink?" 15/100 | | 33 |  | Gojira
The Link Alive
“I can imagine that the mosh pits at a Gojira would be quite strange, I picture a bunch of strange Frenchmen in checkered pants and bunny costumes diving and decking one another to the violent jerking of the band's almost menstrual rhythms.” 45/100 | | 34 |  | Cynic
Traced in Air
"This guy filtered his vocals through about forty thousand synthesizers, machines and other programs that make his vox sound like a god damn robot. Sorry. This 'trend' has never been cool. And by trend I mean the one hit wonder pussies on the radio who do that R&B garbage. Admittedly, he isn't as annoying because his vocals are entirely robotic rather than having that 'twang' the R&B pussies have, but they still suck." 14/100 | | 35 |  | Haken
Aquarius
"Okay, seriously, I don’t know that much about prog, but I know what I like, and in the prog I like that I’ve heard, those jerky, schizophrenic sections are the means to an end, never the end itself. They’re used to paint splotchy, colorful, quirky portraits that come alive with vibrance and energy. When Haken does it, it just sounds stupid and wrongheaded. They have as much articulation as a damn hand puppet made by a paraplegic, as much artistry as a one-eyed, half-retarded caveman. The mood is grotesquely fruity and fakely cheery"
"Okay, I gotta talk about the vocals – it’s the proverbial Elephant in the Review. What’s this guy’s name – Ross Jennings? He looks like a bad European attempt at channeling one of those old Spanish romantics you’d see in soap operas, with the wide-brimmed black hat and the goatee and the rose in his mouth and all. " 0/100 | | 36 |  | Sonata Arctica
Ecliptica
"Oh yeah and there are ballads too. I will not begin to describe them, choosing to say only that my time would have been better spent if I had chosen to, instead of listening to them, anally pleasure an adult male rhinoceros.
Oh yeah and for the certain people that think this is better than Painkiller? "EVIL'S GOING UNDER DEADLY WHEELS!!!!!" You know who you are." 15/100 | | 37 |  | Stratovarius
Episode
"This rate also comes because they are part of the bands that ruined the epicness and bravery of power metal, making place for flower metal. Power metal can have some beautiful moments as mentioned above, but when you do not have RIFFS (like Virgin Steele or Queensryche), everything loses its sense, and what you have are power metal fakes." 10/100 | | 38 |  | Pantera
Cowboys from Hell
"“Cemetery Gates” could have been a much better ballad than it is... It begins quietly with some acoustic guitar lines, but when Anselmo's vocals kick in... Man, he tries to sound very emotional and all, but he ends up sounding like a fucking copy of Corey Taylor. Emotional vocals? Heartfelt vocals? My ass!" 45/100 | | 39 |  | Lamb of God
Sacrament
"The band made a video for "Redneck", and that was what really got on my nerves moreso than anything. It was a stereotypical MTV-friendly video that would be similar to the likes of any A7X or Bullet For My Valentine video, about a girl's birthday party that "tuffxguys" Lamb Of God comes to play at! Of course they have to come in the girl's backyard and crush her blowup pool, because that's what happens in every shitty video like this. All in all it just made me angry how they were on an RV with hot girls, because whatever "metal" was left in Lamb of God just got fucking Annihilated." 35/100 | | 40 |  | Hellyeah
Hellyeah
"I guess I'll throw in 3 points for not being quite as big of posers as Annihilator. There you have it. A generous 8 points.
It really is too bad that Vinnie Paul was the one who lived....
RIP Dimebag" 8/100 | | 41 |  | Annihilator
Metal
"If I had my way, everyone who gave a positive review for this album would be deemed a poser and banished from the Archives forever! I guess that's why I am not in power :'(" 0/100 | | 42 |  | Death
The Sound of Perseverance
"And now, we come to this album's main fucking flaw. Chuck... seriously... just SHUT THE FUCK UP!. If he couldn't growl with some fucking BALLS, WHY did he do it at all? His 'death growls' are some of the most bitchy, cat-like versions of the vocal style I have ever heard. As autothrall said, they sound 'like a little girl'. Ooh, just what I always wanted, a grown man screaming like a little girl on a 'death metal' album!" 3/100 | | 43 |  | Fear Factory
Demanufacture
"Fear Factory tried too hard to be badass here on this album. These shit-smeared mongoloids have produced one of the worst metal albums to exist. The fame overshadowed the actual ability of the band. It faded out before they could ride it's coattails all the way back into social relevancy. Unless you, just like a one night stand, got drunk and got stuck with this forsaken problem-child are still listening to the other festering bowel movements they've released. If only you noticed it sooner then you could've aborted this fetal issue, but now you've let it get 17 years old and no one wants it." 0/100 | | 44 |  | Ulver
Blood Inside
"Yes folks, there is supposedly music in here somewhere though I have yet to personally hear it. Worse than the layers, though, at least I believe it's worse it's so difficult to decide for sure, is the incoherent noise than dominates the majority of the album. This is not musical noise, or noise-oriented music. This, is straight up fucking noise, period. Noise that can be heard on any Godspeed You Black Emperor or Sigur Ros album, so if you're lost on the concept of musicians creating music and you enjoy a bunch of dudes making noise to sell to you then Blood Inside will tickle you pink." 5/100 | | 45 |  | Ulver
Bergtatt - Et eeventyr i 5 capitler
"Chapter IV : A Voice is Calling: pretty fucking abysmal, almost as bad, if not as bad as drawing down the moon (that album doesn't deserve capitalisation), lame, boring guitar riffs and whispered vocals which sucks. The song isn't metallic but hey, what would you expect from such a dull song? This song is the reason why this album lost 10 points" 70/100 | | 46 |  | Meshuggah
Contradictions Collapse
"The band was accepted into the Metal Archives based on their material up to and including Contradictions Collapse." | | 47 |  | Killswitch Engage
The End of Heartache
"Clean out your fucking ears for a moment, or better let, floss them with barbwire and vintage Razor records, and see the forest for the trees, you apathetic swine. The End of Heartache is more like the Persistence of a Headache, so fragmented and pathetic that I'd rather listen to Justin Bieber lipsync Jonas Brothers covers for the 40 minutes here that do not include "And Embers Rise"." 12/100 | | 48 |  | Spawn of Possession
Incurso
"The problem however with the Michael Bay approach to songwriting is that when every scene is something exploding or some dudes yelling while firing their uberhightech sci fi guns in bullet time is that all these normally tolerable tricks of the trade pretty much lose all their taste in the same way trying to finish an entire bucket of Halloween sweets in under an hour does; maybe the arpeggiated-neoclassical-phrygian-sweep-chord-shred-whatever-the-fuck-these-are-supposed-to-be-called was fine for the first few times but when you have a few hundred more essentially interchangeable sections each competing to outdo the other with pure wow factor, the effect is lost quickly and you find yourself reaching for the barf bag." 4/100 | | 49 |  | Queensryche
Operation: Mindcrime
"Perhaps the only song on the album to deal with themes like regret, introspection, self-loathing, and disillusionment in an intelligent manner, "Eyes of a Stranger" manages to live up to the real moral ambiguity promised in its title. The verses certainly don't speed things up any with their slow-paced bass line underneath Tate's delivery, and-- is that-- yes, that sounds moderately similar to the verse melody in the infamous hit single "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. Listen to it, folks. Once you hear it, you can't unhear it! The melody isn't bad, though, and once we get to the chorus it's clear this is Queensryche cranked up to 11-- well, maybe 10 and a half, since Tate still sounds like a whiny prepubescent girl, but hey, you can't have everything. It is a relief to be treated to actual thought-provoking lyrical content, rather than the complete and utter dogshit lyrics present on the other 95% of the album." 53/100 | | 50 |  | Electric Wizard
Dopethrone
"You know the noise that your television makes when it is not working, right? Listening to this is about as much a musical experience as listening to that noise for an hour (and looking at the cover art would be like staring at the gray screen). This album is absolutely worthless and does not have a single good moment or a single good element. Dopethrone is a sonic trash, deserving to be thrown away into the nearest trashcan." 0/100 | | 51 |  | Behemoth
The Satanist
"The more I listen to it, the more certain things start to annoy me. Like, stop spelling “of” incorrectly. The V and F keys are very close to the keyboard, perhaps it was just a typo back in the day and they thought it sounded more kvlt or something. But it doesn't. It just sounds fucking stupid. If it has some other purpose besides sounding fucking retarded, then someone please enlighten me. Though I’m quite sure it’s just an effort to appear more kvlt. Thing is, the joke or whatever it is wore off a long time ago. Now you just appear to be three dudes dressed in clothes no one wears anymore, paints their faces, and can’t even spell." 15/100 | | 52 |  | Sepultura
Chaos A.D.
"Complete shit here from the cunts of Brasil. Again, I don't think this is a serious record. Like Bathory's "Octagon", they probably thought that people would - given the quality of the first four albums - buy anything with a 'Sepultura' tag on it.
Well, don't buy this shit. It's completely without value. Good grief, it's worse than the first Machine Head album. There's pretty much nothing catchy here - not the opening riff to Refuse-Resist, not anywhere else. Okay maybe the first few seconds of Manifest (before they get into the random stupidity), and about half of Slave New World, but come on, even Regurgitated Cow Fetus could come up with a minute and a half of thrash among forty-eight minutes of pure shit." 21/100 | | 53 |  | Between the Buried and Me
Colors II
"BTBAM hasn't had -core as the prominent part of their sound since Alaska. If this album doesn't get them in [the archives], I'm cutting my dick off." (from the Forums) | | 54 |  | Slayer
Seasons in the Abyss
"Boring, monotonous, predictable… oh, I already used the word “predictable” once in this review. Perhaps I should consult a thesaurus. I guess the aim for most of this album is to memorable but aggressive songs, but this only translates into simplistic, lengthy, monotonous, lazy, and otherwise quite aggravating choruses in nearly every song. Slayer decided that melody’s for fags and complexity’s for nerds, and so delivered an album of paint-by-numbers sub-Pantera metal retardation." 22/100 | | 55 |  | Five Finger Death Punch
The Way Of The Fist
"The first thing wrong with this garbage is the fact this band doesn't know what genre they want to play. The first song I heard off this album was, "Never Enough", which was a typical modern rock song that threw in some syncopated nu metal riffs. Gay, I thought to myself. Out of pure curiosity, my friend let me borrow this album and I was on the verge of crying after hearing it in its entirety. These guys try to sound metal in one song then cancel it out in the next with some emo, Hawthorne Heights bullshit. Why they try to act like a metal band, I'll never know, but they most certainly are a radio-rock pussy band with cliches left and right.
My next complaint is Ivan Moody, the vocalist. This guy can't shut the fuck up to save his life. Not that the music is any better than Ivan's vox, but he really needs to quit the band and go home. His voice always has this distinct, abhorrent sound to it whether he's doing his retarded, half-assed "grunts" or his AWFUL, emo-ridden singing." 0/100 | | 56 |  | Suicide Silence
The Cleansing
"This is why deathcore gets all the trash talk. This is why being brutal is completely fucking stupid. This is why clever marketing doesn't hide dog turds in musical format. I might as well subject myself to watching an endless marathon of Carlos Mencia's stand-up while resting my feet in a tub full of hydrochloric acid after hearing this, because that would be so much more entertaining than having this horse cum enema in my ears again." 0/100 | | 57 |  | At the Gates
Slaughter of the Soul
"Here it is obvious that without the imagination of former guitarist Alf Svensson, At the Gates is a very typical band that makes very typical music dressed up in a way that would appear "unique" to the Machine Head fans who wouldn't know anything about death metal and has thus, been falsely declared a classic (Kerrang readers loved this album because of the marginal increase in quality over their typical Chaos AD listening habits). This media product is just that - a product, and a vapid one at that. No higher function than "get down and boogie/raise your fists" and thus no different from the wigger/dance culture mentality of music like Machine Head or Britney Spears in pandering to the lowest common denominator with their doofus mentality noise." 0/100 | | 58 |  | Torsofuck
Erotic Diarrhea Fantasy
"The lyrics are mostly about feces, sexual depravations, gore and things like that, but the vocals are so low that is almost impossible to follow the song with the lyrics, which is a shame 'cause many of us (fans of Torsofuck) would like to follow Raped by Elephants along with the lyrics" 91/100 | |
Koris
01.20.22 | Just some good ones here to start off with :] | CottonSalad
01.20.22 | hope he swallows a bumble bee [2]
nu-meddle [2]
written solely for the use as a backdrop for social interaction among the unwise [2] | parksungjoon
01.20.22 | >So obviously a lot of us like to dunk on Metal Archives for their overt elitism
their elitism is ironic considering how much bland recycled garbage consistently gets 80%+ reviews just because its underground and sounds vaguely authentic
since you're doing this, id appreciate it if you could track down whatever discussion went down when destruction covered fuck the usa and the pissbaby admin threw a tantrum and removed them | dedex
01.20.22 | Random hippie crap lmaooooooooooooooo | parksungjoon
01.20.22 | also forum gems like mayhem being norsecore and never releasing any good albums | parksungjoon
01.20.22 | hall of shame shoutout to sputnik user nylonhair who insists on editing metal pages here to replace the similars with the ones from m-a (which are rarely very accurate) just to pad his edit stats prob | garas
01.20.22 | > So obviously a lot of us like to dunk on Metal Archives for their overt elitism and and ridiculous writeups
Hell no, I like them because that's a good place for research! | parksungjoon
01.20.22 | the website/database functionality is great, the users are some of the dumbest ive seen in my life | dedex
01.20.22 | ^ in a nutshell | Gnocchi
01.20.22 | Fuck it. Featured - that one Sputnik music staff guy | rellik009
01.20.22 | Whitechapel be like: move over Fox News, there's a new sheriff in town. | Koris
01.20.22 | @Park: I'll definitely try and track those down. The only thing I found on the Norsecore one was a discussion about what that "subgenre" is and who's part of it
@Gnocchi: Heh, thanks for the feature | garas
01.20.22 | Lmao, that Liturgy quote is great. | JeremiahBullfrog
01.20.22 | Gotta whole heartedly agree on Deafheaven im afraid. it's all super funny. I think that lot are about as autistic and pretentious as you lot. | Koris
01.20.22 | @garas: to be fair, I use the website as a database too. It's definitely useful in that sense, as well as when I want to pull up lyrics as I'm listening to an album | JeremiahBullfrog
01.20.22 | The lyrics are so much better than say, DarkLyrics, plus finding out album personnel | ToSmokMuzyki
01.20.22 | these reviews are great 10/10 keep posting | Cimnele
01.20.22 | agalloch review nails it | Demon of the Fall
01.20.22 | first 3 are based tbh
No Damnation review will ever compare to the classic we witnessed here, you know the one | Trifolium
01.20.22 | Ahahahaah some of these are fantastic.
Subscribed. | Koris
01.20.22 | Thanks Trif 😊 | tastepolice
01.20.22 | literally, LITERALLY all of these are correct though | Mort.
01.20.22 | 2 is completely correct | Egarran
01.20.22 | Awesome quotes, to be expected. Love that place. | alkostach
01.20.22 | As a Metal-Archives Elitist I don't feel offended at all. On the contrary, MA is full ov idiots, egomaniacs and posers, but it's the definitive place to get your metal info. And say what you want - if it ain't on MA it ain't metal. Sadly I'd say that about 50% ov the reviews are based on albums reputation and not the quality. What's even more sad - if there is an album getting amazing reviews (because it's good) there will always be some shithead, that rates it at 0% or 10% with some shitty explanation, just to get the overall rating down. | Trifolium
01.20.22 | "there will always be some shithead, that rates it at 0% or 10% with some shitty explanation, just to get the overall rating down."
This happens everywhere. Always. | Senetrix666
01.20.22 | what is it about deafheaven that makes so many internet dorks genuinely angry | TheSpirit
01.20.22 | Iron Maiden - Iron Maiden
"I'm always kind of intimidated when I approach albums (and bands) such as this one just because I feel hopelessly out of my element. Iron Maiden doesn't feature nearly enough slams to make it into my personal collection of favorites; there's a complete lack of wiggerisms in the lyrics, and gravity blasts are all but totally absent. You have to keep in mind that when it comes to metal, I really got into the scene through black and death, skipping most of the formative heavy and thrash bands most people are listening to long before Morbid Angel. This makes listening to bands like Iron Maiden sort of an odd, reverse-formative experience; in short, it's sort of alien to me, especially because I don't feel the sort of connection to bands like this one that others do. "Altars of Madness?" Of course, inspires youthful joy like nothing else. But "Powerslave?" I'm not so sure." | DType
01.20.22 | "and for killing their old selves and creating a shitty pseudo-metal band that middle-class minnow teens who think they're tough can enjoy."
The Shuggs sold out confirmed bois | Demon of the Fall
01.20.22 | okay the Agalloch one is legitimately funny, I think I might even be laughing WITH them | bloc
01.20.22 | Looks like we've started a turf war | LeddSledd
01.20.22 | Some of these are really good | z00sh
01.20.22 | "And heavy metal is about BALLS. It's about riffs, it's about smashing a spike through the brains of the listener, making him/her/it perk up and die hard. It's about the slow, twisting zombie passages of Triumph of Death. It's about the flash and the colour and the violence of Chainsaw Charlie. It's about the constant multidirectional bludgeon of From the Past Comes the Storms. It's CERTAINLY NOT about Hetfield moaning "leave me be..." like a thousand other assrape victims to come. But, unfortunately, this is what the world caught onto." | Emim
01.20.22 | I physically recoiled while reading some of these | NOTINTHEFACE
01.20.22 | That blurb for the Mantle is spot on. I guess that's why I love it so much lmao. | bludngorevidal
01.20.22 | MA isn't full of gatekeepers. MA IS the gate. | Sowing
01.20.22 | These are phenomenal haha | YoYoMancuso
01.20.22 | fuck you, no highlights. | ResidentNihilist
01.20.22 | Tbf they're right about Meshuggah | Koris
01.20.22 | @Spirit & z00sh: Thanks guys! Added | Hyperion1001
01.20.22 | this thread should be titled "paragraphs you can smell." | Koris
01.20.22 | ^ lol, probably
Also, I didn't mention this earlier, but I do want to give a shoutout to the guy who reviewed the Liturgy album on the list. His name is Autothrall and he's been one of my favorite reviewers on MA for some time... very detailed writeups with a lot of personality | Egarran
01.20.22 | What how do they smell? Cheap deo? | Source
01.20.22 | Cheese. Pure cheddar. I know it's a quote from something that they put in there, but the rest of the lyrics are just as sad. I know some people get off on that whole "spiritual" thing, but at least find a way to say these things without being such a tool.
Maybe they could have written songs about evil invaders from space who try to force all humans to abandon their spirituality, a war ensues and either we win or earth is scorched, or both. Sounds pretty far-out, but I'd rather hear that than this "divine mother" stuff. Save that garbage for when you're brainwashing weak-minded, depressed teenagers into joining your little Kool-Aid cult. At least in Cynic most of the vocals were buried in effects or rasp so you didn't have to worry about feeling lame for listening to music with such pathetic lyrics.
| tastepolice
01.21.22 | I wasn't gonna contribute to your stupid list cause I have the exact opposite viewpoint than you but I can't resist posting this one, it's probably my fav review on the website, I even read it for fun once in a while like someone would rewatch episodes of the Office:
"Whatever riffs you want to imagine on Monotheist, it's really the kind of shit they tried on Prototype to dream of baiting Korn and System of a Down fans into the morbid fold. That demo was shelved because it was as pathetic and obvious a "we follow every trend"-circus as Cold Lake, but the idea survived, it was simply reshaped to appear "more Celtic Frost" by changing the aesthetics. Same pitiful style of non-riffs, but re-imagined slower and sadder so the jumpdafuckup won't jump da fuck in your face as much, given a monolithic sound that courts similarities to the legendary Apocalyptic Raids EP and whoosh everyone is happy. You couldn't do the same with a Papa Roach album, because while musically it would be the same if treated to the same aesthetic change, Monotheist succeeds entirely on brand recognition. So the mind of the listener goes from "Oh this is a gothed up nu-metal album" to "Oh Celtic Frost are back with this dark and crushing sound." No, they're not back in any way and you've been tricked by clever marketing."
| Koris
01.21.22 | @tastepolice: Thanks! Added (though sadly I couldn't fit the last sentence in) | RogueNine
01.21.22 | Lol 12 is probably accurate. | Meridiu5
01.21.22 | thanks this is just what i needed to unwind after a 12 hr shift
i wonder what their BAC was while posting | Koris
01.21.22 | @Meridiu: Happy to help :] | LeddSledd
01.21.22 | Mastodon and Dream Theater ones are both hilarious | Koris
01.21.22 | Yeah, figured I'd pair those together since the Mastodon one already mentioned DT, lol | rellik009
01.21.22 | "I wasn't gonna contribute to your stupid list cause I have the exact opposite viewpoint than you"
okay you're really cool? | rellik009
01.21.22 | dream theater review is amazing lmfao | combustion07
01.21.22 | "making an album so bad that calling it shit would be an insult to shit"
Simply brilliant! | Donchivo
01.21.22 | Gojira review is actually spot on until when the reviewer starts to praise fuckin' Amon Amarth.... | Koris
01.21.22 | Yeah, the Amon Amarth part is why I put that entry on the list | CottonSalad
01.21.22 | Sorry, Mastodon [2] | manosg
01.21.22 | This is pure gold lol. | Demon of the Fall
01.21.22 | 'Gojira review is actually spot on until when the reviewer starts to praise fuckin' Amon Amarth....' (2)
yeah they messed up an otherwise accurate account, haha | Demon of the Fall
01.21.22 | 19 & 22 are legitimately quite tragic if the reviewers were being serious | Koris
01.21.22 | Same goes for 31, considering the reviewer gave it a 95/100 | Demon of the Fall
01.21.22 | Oh! You see I wasn't even sure if that was supposed to be positive or negative. Half the 'words' (are they real words?) didn't make sense. Whatever context it is supposed to have was completely lost on me. | tastepolice
01.21.22 | 19 is also one of the best reviews on the website and it's 100% correct on everything he says
| Donchivo
01.21.22 | I think the take on Monotheist isn't that bad, even though I disagree. But not horrible or cringeworthy to me. | rellik009
01.21.22 | "19 is also one of the best reviews on the website and it's 100% correct on everything he says"
oh, including the mocking of rape victims? | tastepolice
01.21.22 | oh ok sorry, whole review invalidated because he had no tact | tastepolice
01.21.22 | cause if you read that sentence and think it's mocking of rape victims rather than mocking of hetfield you're asking to be outraged anyway | tastepolice
01.21.22 | cause we all know heavy fucking metal is all about tact and political correctness | tastepolice
01.21.22 | dunce | Egarran
01.21.22 | damn this fucked u up, guys | Demon of the Fall
01.21.22 | I am merely a shell of my former self | Egarran
01.21.22 | such is the destiny for us all | rellik009
01.21.22 | "cause if you read that sentence and think it's mocking of rape victims rather than mocking of hetfield you're asking to be outraged anyway"
I mean I'm not outraged I'm just asking a simple question and you answered it so good enough. | rellik009
01.21.22 | why are there so many bowel and poop comments in these reviews lol | Koris
01.21.22 | 😏😏😏 | Cimnele
01.21.22 | korn are much better than metallica | Koris
01.21.22 | Based | Demon of the Fall
01.21.22 | @rellik: it's due to the absolute need for poseurs to eat fucking shit
of course | Demon of the Fall
01.21.22 | ...and die
forgot that bit | Hyperion1001
01.21.22 | 23 is kinda right tho | Koris
01.22.22 | I mean, I didn't say any entry was correct or incorrect ;] | Egarran
01.22.22 | There are still bewildered souls out there who don't properly appreciate MA. | rellik009
01.22.22 | "They have as much articulation as a damn hand puppet made by a paraplegic"
i actually lost lmfao | Hyperion1001
01.22.22 | "There are still bewildered souls out there who don't properly appreciate MA."
i appreciate MA like i appreciate varg's youtube channel: entertaining, but ultimately reprehensible. | Demon of the Fall
01.22.22 | 34 is also very much based | Demon of the Fall
01.22.22 | 23 is only right because yeah it isn’t ‘heavy metal’ at all | Egarran
01.22.22 | yeah hype that's just weird | Koris
01.23.22 | "i appreciate MA like i appreciate varg's youtube channel: entertaining, but ultimately reprehensible."
lol, sounds about right | aydross121
01.23.22 | Fuck you, no highlights | Koris
01.24.22 | Alright, just updated the list with the score each album got from the respective reviewer. Not sure why I didn't do that in the first place | Egarran
01.24.22 | FLOWER METAL
I want some | bloc
01.24.22 | aka Opeth | Egarran
01.24.22 | Oh yeah. I know there are some MA reviews that consider Opeth boring wankery. | Koris
01.25.22 | I'm actually surprised that MA wasn't more of a goldmine for Opeth quotes. Pantera, on the other hand... holy hell, there were way too many good ones to count | rufinthefury
01.25.22 | This is such a great thread idea lmao I havent been on MetalArchives since like high school
do they still have the first Rush album on there?3 | Koris
01.25.22 | ^ Yeah, Rush's whole discog is still on there. Probably the only 70s prog band that I can think of who actually got included on the site | Koris
01.26.22 | Updated with a few more. That Hellyeah one is a giant fuckin' oof | Gnocchi
01.26.22 | That Hellyeah blurb is a bit perverted. | Koris
01.26.22 | It’s fucked up and definitely didn’t age well, lol | Demon of the Fall
01.26.22 | are Rush considered 'proto' power metal and thus acceptable on MA or something? I thought they were pretty strict on what constitutes metal and therefore what was allowed to be catalogued over there | Egarran
01.26.22 | yes | Kusangii
01.26.22 | Mater of Puppets destroyed Heavy metal | Egarran
01.26.22 | Alma mater of puppets | Koris
01.26.22 | Mister of porpoise | Koris
01.27.22 | Updated with a few more entries | Kusangii
01.27.22 | Metal died in 1993. Only 12 good albums have been released since then (most of them in 1994, being already recorded by 1993). Metal achieved its creative peak in albums like Onward to Golgotha, Pure Holocaust, and The Red in the Sky is Ours, elevating the genre into a legitimate art form. Now, thanks to Slaughter of the Soul and Gojira, all its potential was squandered and the genre has been reduced into being mere gimmick ridden noise for drunk idiots (i.e. the lowest common denominator - stop trying to turn underground metal into AC/DC).
This one will always be the classiest of the classics | Koris
01.27.22 | Did you get that from Bitterman? I saw that quote on his profile in MA | Kusangii
01.27.22 | Yep lol. He has 55 reviews and every single one of them is 0% | Koris
01.27.22 | That’s what I thought, lol. Some of his reviews are on this list 😂 | Kusangii
01.27.22 | As soon as I saw this thread he was the first thing I thought of lmao | TheAntichrist
01.27.22 | OK, AC/DC's riffs are all pretty much simple and basic, and yet many people, including me, appreciate them and their work, and If you don't you're a fucking retarded | Keyblade
01.27.22 | most of these dudes prob approaching 50 now lol
14 is kinda accurate tho | Egarran
01.27.22 | I could never get into Fear Factory and today I feel vindicated | Koris
01.28.22 | @Antichrist: Easily one of my favorite quotes on here :D | porcupinetheater
01.28.22 | ok but that Wintersun write up is hilarious | rellik009
01.29.22 | wtf but how does the Fear Factory guy not understand that the point of the album is precisely that it is mechanical and primal | Koris
01.31.22 | "ok but that Wintersun write up is hilarious"
Especially the part about swallowing a bumblebee, lol | Dedes
01.31.22 | 33 is genuinely funny even if I don't understand
Everything else has greatly lowered my expectations for any metal forum | alkostach
02.06.22 | By a mere accident I just ran into one Sput sound-off which is right up there with all the MA "elitists". Check out https://www.sputnikmusic.com/soundoff.php?albumid=14284 and the sound-off from 13. Well, in the end Sput users are just as human as MA ones are ;-) | Koris
03.07.22 | "33 is genuinely funny even if I don't understand"
Yeah, I'm not even sure what the reviewer was going for on that one lol | FR33L0RD
03.07.22 | Interesting. Almost always funny when reviewers chase the hyperbolic rainbow. | Koris
03.08.22 | Finally updated this with a few Ulver albums | Boognish79
03.31.22 | Metal Archives are the most pretentious douchebag critics in possibly any musical genre. And that’s saying alot. Basically if you do the opposite of everything they say, you’ll be in great shape. | Egarran
03.31.22 | Haha calm down sparky. They also have Sputnik reviews. | Koris
04.06.22 | Yeah, I know Mike Stagno put a lot of his reviews on MA. I used to do the same at one point as well | Nikkolae
04.06.22 | reading these makes me wonder what does MA even listen to, like i lold at 31 for sure but the rest in here make my skin crawl with the cringe | FunJan
04.07.22 | This is another proof that humanity is failure. | Koris
04.07.22 | @Nikkolae: Yeah, 31 was probably one of the strangest ones I found on there. But it could also be because I couldn't possibly imagine that album getting a 95/100 | evilford
04.07.22 | 31 haha wow | Koris
04.08.22 | They are the men with the "dankest of kush" and the "greasiest of foreskins." | MO
04.08.22 | 30 is amazing hahaha | Koris
04.08.22 | There were definitely a lot of good Opeth ones, especially the ones who called them too slow or boring | Assemblage
04.09.22 | Yo, I didn't know about this list but I think I can pull up a few good ones later. Lol, bookmarking.
In the meantime, check the Killswitch Engage on that site, I know there's gonna be something. | Koris
04.26.22 | Yeah, I'm surprised I haven't used any KE reviews yet | Koris
04.26.22 | Ok, so that didn't take long lol | Egarran
04.26.22 | Haha I've never heard a KE track but the review confirms my fears. | Koris
05.01.22 | I wouldn't be surprised if that review came out around the "My World" era of Bieber | Koris
05.10.22 | Updated with the new Spawn of Possession review on MA :] | Demon of the Fall
05.10.22 | 48 is based af tbh
maybe the wrong album though, I mean it's actually alright
the general sentiment is on point and could be applied quite accurately to similar things, if one chooses to | Egarran
05.10.22 | Wonderful quote, there's even a semicolon! That's how you know it's elitist. | alkostach
05.10.22 | u; can; suck; my; "elitist"; duck;!;;! | DType
05.10.22 | "The band was accepted into the Metal Archives based on their material up to and including Contradictions Collapse."
Yeh, they stopped being metal after those | Keyblade
05.10.22 | I wonder how all those guys from the mid-late 00's on there are doing now. they seemed so damn depressed | TheSpirit
05.10.22 | who tf abbreviates killswitch as ke | DePlazz
05.10.22 | 48 is as hilariously good as it is hilariously inappropriate | DType
05.10.22 | The Whitechapel review looks like it was written by some teenager that just spinned his first floridian death metal record ever a few days prior | Koris
05.16.22 | ^ It does. I'm kinda ashamed of the fact that I had a phase like that when I was in highschool | DType
05.16.22 | Lolz it's all good now, i bet you're listening to whatever you like and not trying hard to be part of something | Koris
05.23.22 | Updated with a few more entries | Egarran
05.23.22 | >that sounds moderately similar to the verse melody in the infamous hit single "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. Listen to it, folks. Once you hear it, you can't unhear it!
Yeah I'm definitely not going to do that | pizzamachine
07.12.22 | Haha nice list | Willie
07.12.22 | Nice work. This list makes Sputnik and even Blabbermouth look reputable. My favorite was the dumbass claiming that Phil Anselmo circa-1990 sounds, "like a fucking copy of Corey Taylor." ha ha. What? | Koris
07.24.22 | Thanks guys. I've definitely gotta update this again soon, it's been a while | Koris
07.27.22 | Just updated with two more :] | heck
07.27.22 | "hall of shame shoutout to sputnik user nylonhair who insists on editing metal pages here to replace the similars with the ones from m-a (which are rarely very accurate) just to pad his edit stats prob"
so that's who's fucking doing that. I've had to fix like six of those. | SIMBOLIC
07.27.22 | Was 16 sonic or what lol | Donchivo
07.27.22 | The Behemoth one is actually spot on... | Koris
07.28.22 | @Simbolic: I wouldn't be surprised, lol | TheAntichrist
07.29.22 | "The next song is "Death is your Saviour" and it's title speaks for itself.... You don't even have to read the lyrics in order to understand that if you don't like this album and you don't bang your head like a maniac while listenning to these lethal riffs, the meaning of it is that you're a fuckin' poseur who doesn't understand what metal is all about and only an immediate death could save you from your meaningless existance! I was really surprised to discover that this song's lyrics have nothing to do with poseurs..... Well, death to the fuckin' poseurs again, anyway!" 100/100
sounds like something kill would say...or really anyone that isn't ratorded | SIMBOLIC
07.29.22 | Not enough spelling mistakes and homophobic slurs for kill tbh lol | LeddSledd
07.29.22 | 48 is based af [2] | Koris
07.29.22 | ^ Yeah, I can see how people would agree with that one | Shemson
07.29.22 | Lol Anselmo copying Corey Taylor on Cemetery Gates 🤣 | YuriZakhaev
07.29.22 | "Not enough spelling mistakes and homophobic slurs for kill tbh lol"
Damn, I miss KILL | Koris
07.30.22 | Updated. Can't believe I didn't include a Slayer quote until now | DePlazz
07.30.22 | "Complete shit here from the cunts of Brasil" rofl | Koris
08.09.22 | Alright, had to add a FFDP review from the Wayback Machine just for fun | Koris
08.09.22 | Ok, just one more from the Wayback Machine | Egarran
08.09.22 | fuck yes 56, couldn't have said it better | Mort.
08.09.22 | 'Gay, I thought to myself' | Koris
08.09.22 | ^ Believe me, that was the LEAST offensive homophobic remark on the entire page | Koris
08.09.22 | In any case, I'll have to see if there are any other bands who were previously on the site before being blacklisted | Egarran
08.09.22 | I pray you will soon initiate more rewarding endeavours | Koris
08.09.22 | I am, I've just been doing this on the side for fun :] | Egarran
08.10.22 | Ah good. Some people get disproportionately angry about their blacklisting. | Koris
08.10.22 | Yeah, I know. That's why I use Metal Music Archives, which is an offshoot of ProgArchives and is much more lenient/sensible about who gets included. They even have an entire section for alternative rock/metal genres like nu-metal and grunge :] | Egarran
08.10.22 | I can feel my anger bubbling already | Koris
08.10.22 | Hellyeah man, can't have that shitty mallcore in my music! Fuck everything that isn't true metal >:( \m/ | naughtcturnal
08.10.22 | metal archives is a copypasta goldmine | Koris
08.12.22 | It really is. It's also a glimpse into a much different time, in which the internet was the wild west and "gay" was the ultimate insult for bad music | KnickFurey
08.12.22 | 48 is based af tbh[3] | Koris
09.16.22 | Updated with a few new entries | KnickFurey
09.16.22 | Based list tbh | Koris
09.16.22 | Probably true yeah | Demon of the Fall
09.16.22 | I'm guessing fans of that band ^ are known as 'torsofuckers' | Kusangii
09.16.22 | Where is that FFPD quote from? They're not even in the metal-archives database lol. | Demon of the Fall
09.16.22 | Five Finger Punch Death? | Koris
09.16.22 | @Kusangii: I got it from the Wayback Machine, because (believe it or not) they actually used to be on the site once upon a time :] | Koris
09.16.22 | Same with Suicide Silence | Kusangii
09.16.22 | Holy shit no way lmao | Koris
09.21.22 | Yeah, they pretty much got driven off the site by the userbase, lol | Koris
04.06.23 | I really should update this again at some point | Relinquished
04.06.23 | lmao I remember some of these from YEARS ago |
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