MarsKid
Mitch Worden
Emeritus

Reviews 172
Approval 98%

Soundoffs 200
News Articles 34
Band Edits + Tags 478
Album Edits 1,058

Album Ratings 5909
Objectivity 86%

Last Active 01-01-70 12:00 am
Joined 01-01-70

Review Comments 21,030

 Lists
09.20.23 MarsBro's Court of 2023 08.30.23 MarsBro's NFL Ranking: '23-'24 Preseaso
06.23.23 Mars 23/5: All the Goodies 02.24.23 straight edge friendos
01.28.23 Mars Ranks: Avantasia01.11.23 MarsBro's NFL Ranking: '22-'23 Season F
01.09.23 The Weekly Dive: Doom and Melodic Death01.06.23 MarsBro's NFL Ranking: Week 18
01.02.23 The Weekly Dive: Hip-Hop12.28.22 Build-an-Album II, GAME OVER: Adios, Am
12.27.22 MarsBro's NFL Ranking: Week 1712.26.22 Mars Ranks: Blue October
12.20.22 MarsBro's NFL Ranking: Week 1612.13.22 MarsBro's NFL Ranking: Week 15
12.12.22 Build-an-Album II, R13(P3): The Final C12.08.22 MarsBro's Court of 2022
12.07.22 MarsBro's NFL Ranking: Week 1412.04.22 Build-an-Album II, R12(P3): Just One of
More »

MarsBro's NFL Ranking: Week 10

An update on last week's rankings. Let's see where things stand in my typically highly-biased opinion!
32Corey Feldman
Angelic 2 The Core


Houston Texans (+/- 0)

The tank must be preserved. At least, that is how David Mills played, what with two killer (and pretty awful) picks putting several nails in the season's coffin. In fairness to the oft-maligned Texans, their defense held admirably for a while, giving a normally solid Philadelphia OLine fits. However, once the dam broke, there was no coming back from the deficit. There are still many holes to plug on this roster, and after another damaging performance by Mills, the QB situation may be on the table to fix as well. Can't imagine Lovie lasts another year; he looks like he cannot feel anything other than vague disappointment.
31Eminem
Kamikaze


Carolina Panthers (-4)

Snap back to reality, Panthers fans. PJ Walker reverted back to PJ Walker as the Cincinnati Bengals rolled along and didn't even keep it close. With Sam Darnold activated from IR, the world's silliest QB carousel continues to spin while the team persists in its downward spiral. There is no positive momentum for this group both offensively and defensively. Nailing their eventual coaching search is imperative for the team's future lest they set themselves back another several seasons. There's talent at certain positions, but far too much needs to be addressed. The terrible NFC South ensures that the Panthers aren't toast yet, but after seeing a drubbing like *that*, it's hard not to feel the lurking negativity. What noise could this team make in the post-season anyways other than a dusty fart?
30The Chainsmokers
Bouquet


Las Vegas Raiders (-2)

Josh McDaniels has fundamentally shattered this team. In a near-mirror to the Cardinals game earlier in the year, the Raiders allowed a 17-point lead to slip through their fingers as a much more motivated Jags squad stormed back. The defense cannot hold a lead and the offense, despite thriving at times--Adams is in the top 10 for receiving yards, so he's definitely getting the ball--has a tendency to vanish. How much is due to scheme and how much is due to player execution? Hard to say definitively, but the rumors of McDaniels forcing Carr to throw to pre-assigned reads and the diminished role of playmakers like Renfrow speak to coaching issues.The punches just keep coming, and with the top of the AFC beginning to assert themselves, any hope of a wildcard spot is starting to disintegrate. There's far too much wrong with this team to really cover in just one blurb, but the fact they're this low with a reasonably solid roster is criminal.
29Attila
About That Life


Indianapolis Colts (-3)

A vintage spanking at the hands of New England led to the necessary firing of Frank Reich. This was followed up by... uh... hiring Jeff Saturday? Who has never coached at either the college or NFL level? I guess if you're trying to compete in the tank war against the Texans, you gotta get creative. The team's OLine remains a horror show, allowing nine sacks on Ehlinger, who is 100% set up to lose at this rate. Chris Ballard miraculously has retained his job throughout this debacle as if he wasn't the main culprit in demolishing the franchise the past few years. This team has zero road map to a rebuild under an apparently delusional owner and a GM that's more concerned with penny-pinching and complaining at the media than winning games.
28Limp Bizkit
Gold Cobra


Pittsburgh Steelers (+2)

By virtue of doing nothing, Pittsburgh moved up. Congrats? A struggling Saints squad approaches, providing a good opportunity to snag a decent W. A lot hinges on whether or not Pickett can adapt to the NFL and limit the "pick it!" throws he seemingly tosses on the regular. While you're at it, Pittsburgh, toss Matt Canada out the nearest window.
27Weezer
OK Human


Detroit Lions (+4)

In two stunning twists, the Lions not only defeated their hated rival in Green Bay, but they did so off of DEFENSE. A defense that had up until then been historic levels of awful somehow gave back-to-back MVP Aaron Rodgers nightmares. Three interceptions, all in the red zone, led to embarrassing the Packers in a game that was so ugly, you *may* be entitled to financial compensation for watching it. Detroit is still far too behind and, sadly, not coached nearly enough to make noise this year and deliver on Campbell's hype persona. However, at least for now, a good victory was secured and the football world can laugh at someone else for a change. The defense showing any life at all is at least a positive trend in the right direction.
26Shemales From Outta Space Of Death
You Never Get A Cannibal-Blowjob Twice


Los Angeles Rams (-3)

There's just nothing going right for the Rams. Stafford is not only cooked, but also on concussion protocol. The defense has regressed massively, including a horrendous 2-minute drill scheme that basically opened the door for Tom Brady's 69th game-winning drive (nice). It's as if the team got their ring and checked out--including McVay himself, who is rumored to be on the verge of retirement. All of the sudden, LA is potentially peering into an unexpected collapse, especially if key departures persist in the off-season. The loss of players like Big Whit damaged this team more than anticipated, and it's becoming more and more clear that they didn't plan for any sort of future. Rough going. Still got that championship at least...
25Sunterra
Reborn


Jacksonville Jaguars (+4)

There's still a fighting spirit in Duval. Although it looked dire there for a bit, the Raiders kindly folded in on themselves and allowed the Jags to run away with the dub. The same issues persist as usual, but you can never complain too much about a victory. Lawrence needs to have more games like this; he wasn't impressive, but he trimmed down on the mistakes and played solid. There's enough talent to push Jacksonville closer to .500 so long as the team can start to address coaching and offense dilemmas, and in the garbage heap that is the AFC South, .500 might be enough to win the damn thing.
24Breaking Benjamin
Dear Agony


Denver Broncos (+1)

Another ascent by virtue of doing nothing. The Broncos got to sit comfortably at home and watch the Raiders shoot themselves in the foot repeatedly. However, with both the Chargers and Chiefs winning, the team gained no positive ground. A match versus the Titans could help stay in the hunt. Considering the offenses of both teams, it's going to be a horrific viewing experience. Broncos Country, try not to die.
23For Today
Immortal


New Orleans Saints (+/- 0)

The Saints ran into a brick wall called the Baltimore Ravens. It's not even that the team necessarily played bad; they were just thoroughly outmatched. The Ravens defense bullied the Saints' line all day and made Andy Dalton's day awful and managed to clamp down on the running game. It's hard to feel *too* bad considering how most understood New Orleans required time and an extensive rebuild, but the lack of creative playcalling doesn't help. There's insufficient personnel to make a traditional pocket-passing offense fly. If the Saints want to try and run away with the Trash King Crown of the NFC South, they oughta just have Hill and Kamara out 24/7. I'm talking direct snaps to Alvin who passes to Taysom while Dalton is lead blocker. Get funky with it!
22In Flames
Battles


Green Bay Packers (-3)

The Pack is in a freefall never before seen by some NFL fans. From a loose defense to an offense that simply cannot get on the same page, everything is going absolutely wrong. This horrid losing streak persists, featuring poor playcalling, poor execution, terrifying stagnation, and the sudden decline of Aaron Rodgers. Really, falling to the Detroit was the culmination of years of complacency: of refusing to get any offensive weapons, of assuming Rodgers will just always bail out the team, of just expecting to roll over the North whenever. The inaction of the organization is coming to collect and there's nowhere to point the finger except at themselves.
21Cheekface
Emphatically No.


Arizona Cardinals (+/- 0)

Nothing new was learned about the Cards this past Sunday; their offense remains dangerously one-dimensional, the defense is ehh, and the roster is overall unimpressive and far too top-heavy to survive even a minor injury. They managed to be competitive, but once Seattle broke through and piled on the points, Kingsbury and co. had no solutions to offer, only blank stares as Kyler was left to die and chuck prayers to Hopkins. This organization has become enamored with mediocrity and can't seem to shake it off. If this skid endures, there's really only one answer: clean house. And instead of aging vets, surround Murray with young talent--preferably those that can actually perform in the clutch.
20Alestorm
Terror on the High Seas


Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+4)

Classic Brady came out to play, and for once in this down season for the 'Bay, his receivers didn't let him down. While the Rams certainly made his job easy, it was surreal to watch the Bucs finally amass a solid drive where everyone was where they should be and did their job, caught their passes, etc. It demonstrated that, no matter how faint, Tampa does still have a pulse if it can get its shit together. Brady, while showing some age--he's 45, so, uh, of course he is--can still lead this offense. If the supporting cast can improve, including the coaching of Todd Bowles, Tampa can maybe start to surge. Those horrific drops *have* to go, and the running game desperately needs to be augmented. But it's not an impossible task.
19The Fall of Troy
OK#3.2


Chicago Bears (+1)

Welcome to the world of NCAA football baby, cuz that was a certified quality loss! Seriously, the fact that the Bears--the honest-to-goodness BEARS--held their own in an offensive shootout is a massive testament to both the new coaching staff and Justin Fields' development. The loss stings in many ways due to how the Chicago offense outscored Miami, but a blocked punt ended up being a deciding factor, as well as a blatant no-call for DPI to close the game. Fields literally broke records trying to snag the dub and was denied. However, Chicago fans need to view this with optimism: the team is showing potential they've rarely seen, and the offense is perfectly suited to Justin's strengths as a QB. Snag some more wins, build up a culture, then start getting weapons and defensive playmakers. Could be a bright future ahead.
18The Hirsch Effekt
Kollaps


Washington Commanders (-3)

In what should have been a very winnable game, the Commies let the Vikings sneak away. Now, granted, a tactical ref stampede secured a key TD, but that was a vulnerable Minnesota squad y'all couldn't defeat. Taylor Heinicke, as beloved as he is, is not a starting-caliber QB in this league, and he proved it by failing to hold the lead and tossing an ugly pick. Their former winning streak aside, there's this consistent sense that Washington is a painfully mediocre team, as if they're spinning eternally in purgatory: never competitive, but never losing enough. If the rumors of Snyder selling are true, well, that's basically the equivalent of a Superbowl victory at this point. Hooray.
17fun.
Some Nights


Cleveland Browns (+/- 0)

Still hope y'all collapse.
16In Flames
Sounds of a Playground Fading


Atlanta Falcons (-4)

As soon as I said Atlanta turned a corner, they gifted the world with a trademark choke job. They had a nice win in their crosshairs and literally and figuratively gave it away. It's hard to get too mad since this is a team not even in the start of what could be a long rebuild, but it's frustrating to see the same failure to finish opponents off. It'll be easy to rebound from this if Arthur Smith can correct errors and limit mistakes, but the cracks in the roster may be hard to ignore for long. They've still got a decent chance to chase the division title if they can bounce back from this setback.
15Pianos Become the Teeth
Drift


Tennessee Titans (-5)

This is what happens when minimal to no effort is put into supporting an offense that is entirely devoid of talent, energy, cleverness, and scoring potential. The nice thing is that the Titans defense proved their worth; they absolutely appear elite at every position, and they're starting to gel at just the right time. But what's the point when the offense can and will routinely squander opportunities, leading to the unit getting tired out as soon as the second half hits? Oh, and the second half does, in fact, remains a terrifying time for the Titans, who are incapable of scoring or finishing opponents off. The squad had a signature win in their grasp and let it go in an agonizingly gradual fashion. Sure, they still lead the South, but if you cannot score, you cannot keep pace with the top of the league. This team needs to figure its shit out fast, Tannehill needs to be healthy, and they need to essentially pray for touchdowns. Embarrassing.
14Tribulation
Where the Gloom Becomes Sound


Cincinnati Bengals (+4)

Cincy desperately needed a game like that. Easygoing, low-stress, just stacking points on points on points. Beating up on the bad teams of the league can be very therapeutic. What's critical for the kitties going forward is that they translate these winning efforts into wins against stronger opponents. Dropping games to all three of their divisional rivals can come back to bite them if they're not careful and can't overcome the Ravens. You should probably still fire Zach Taylor no matter what.
13Iron Maiden
Brave New World


New England Patriots (+3)

Rookie QB? Flaws obvious on tape? Sounds like a recipe for the traditional Belichick spanking. And it was indeed: the Colts had no answers for a relentless New England defense. What was been made clear in 2022 is that a decent-enough offense and an elite-level defense can, in fact, dominate and control games. Having so many drives fizzle out into field goals is a problem that will absolutely require correcting, but this was a great game for the Pats to regain their footing. With Buffalo faltering, the AFC East has suddenly become a hyper-competitive warzone. Mac Jones and the offense will need to advance themselves if they want to join in on the action, and if there's anything I've learned watching the NFL, it's that you don't bet against the Hoodie until he's for-sure out of the playoffs.
12AC/DC
Powerage


Los Angeles Chargers (+1)

Here's your medal for being bailed out by the endless choking of the Atlanta Falcons. Have you kicked Brandon Staley out yet? No? Well, a game against a loaded Niners squad will be more telling than this: when needing to stand up to high-talent teams, can the Chargers put together a full game and avoid horrendous coaching errors? My gut says no and that the Chargers shall Charger as they always have, but Justin Herbert is capable of magic when given the chance. The roster desperately needs to get healthy, however, as the injury bug might pose a threat to any and all future game success.
11Modest Mouse
Building Nothing Out of Something


San Francisco 49ers (+/- 0)

The Niners get their first test of the new ShanaMcaffense when they face the Chargers this upcoming Sunday night. Jimmy G will need to continue to play solid, mistake-free football and pilot the offense. The playmakers should be able to make plays pretty easily in that environment, and that kind of firepower far outweighs most in the league when it clicks. Time to put up or shut up, lads.
10They Might Be Giants
They Might Be Giants


New York Giants (-1)

While the Giants rested, the top of the league surged. They didn't do anything wrong, but someone had to get moved back, so sorry I suppose.The Texans are their next stop, and while they should win on paper, Houston showed some spirit against Philly. Don't get caught sleepwalking.
9Code Orange
I Am King


New York Jets (+5)

I called the demise of the Jets far too early; that defense is, in fact, lethal. Josh Allen looked lost against a CB group that is reliably locking down any and all receiving threats. Wilson, while unimpressive, made throws when he had to and, most importantly, did not make costly decisions. Off the back of an elite defensive unit and the emerging star that is Sauce Gradner, the Jets snagged a key win against a division rival. With the Pats and Miami all keeping pace, the team will need to maintain this level of performance to stay alive.
8Alter Bridge
Blackbird


Baltimore Ravens (+1)

A dominant win was exactly what the Ravens needed. Despite the score appearing a little close, the game was realistically out of hand by the first quarter. Lamar was solid, but the true prize was a dominant defense that succeeded greatly off the back of veteran performances. Calais Campbell and Justin Huston are wrecking games as if age was a mere concept, which is an impressive sight to witness. This level of consistency and holding leads is key to future success, and as of now, the Ravens look very comfortable at the top of the AFC North.
7Forest Stream
The Crown of Winter


Minnesota Vikings (-2)

That was a precarious situation you found yourselves in, boys. Outmatching Washington in nearly every facet didn't prevent the Vikings from coming out looking as if they were unprepared. The team DID close out the game and they do indeed keep winning, but the concerns over their stability remain. The good news is that TJ Hockenson looks every bit the dynamic weapon he was advertised as, adding on some valuable receiving yards despite not fully knowing the playbook. As the offense proceeds through the season, fans can assume that that chemistry will only improve. Having to cover Thielen, Jefferson and Hock with Cook in the backfield is a near-impossible equation for defenses. Kirk looks like Kirk, which is exactly what Minnesota needs him to be. He'll just have to survive around the bright lights once primetime comes knocking.
6Silent Drive
Love is Worth It


Seattle Seahawks (+1)

There was a play where Geno Smith threw a pretty bad pick that was taken for six. What looked like a momentum swing became the exact opposite; Smith and the offense immediately responded with three TD drives, quickly shutting down the Cardinals and putting the game away. The offense attack of Seattle is quietly becoming one of the most well-rounded in the game; Lockett, Metcalf and Fant can score at will as Smith tosses them dimes, while KWIII can grab plenty of yards to eat clock once a lead is secured. It's an incredibly balanced team, which is helped all the more by a defense that is gradually coming into form. This is one of the more fun teams to watch in the NFL this year, and if they keep putting up points like this, it'll be hard to slow them down.
5In Vain
Aenigma


Buffalo Bills (-3)

The Jets defense proved to be too much to handle, with Allen committing two costly turnovers that hurt the Bills' chances of securing the W. Testing Sauce Gardner frequently was... a choice, for sure. Bottom line is that Buffalo got punched in the mouth by one of the more fearsome units they have faced, and once they were staggering, they weren't able to recover. While this is a loss to grow from, it's definitely a potential setback: both of the Bills' losses are from divisional rivals. Keeping atop the East is imperative now lest they get trapped in unfavorable tiebreaker scenarios.
4Blind Guardian
At the Edge of Time


Miami Dolphins (+2)

Tua is proving many, many doubters wrong; the man is not only having an awesome season, but one of historic proportions. Waddle and Hill will always be open at some point, and it will always be a massive gain that can completely flip the flow of a game. The only thing the 'Fins are missing is a sturdy defense to hold off leads, which is something a young Chicago team exposed. They will need more plays like the punt block to hold off the high powered offenses of the NFL (did I just call the Bears a high powered offense?!). Now that the team is healthy, there's far more stability, and they're now within striking distance of the Bills. Protect Tua and anything is possible.
3Styx
The Grand Illusion


Dallas Cowboys (+1)

Moving up while doing nothing. That's so very American of America's team! Not much else to say except that Dallas is gaining a lot of positive media attention, and for good reason: they have, on paper, one of the deadliest teams out there. They'll just need to capitalize, which is entirely possible. The world isn't ready if the Cowboys are for real, but if not, they're gonna drop FAR.
2Jeff Rosenstock
WORRY.


Kansas City Chiefs (+1)

An ugly, gritty win where Patty Mahomes put the team on his back was great for this team's character. Although Tennessee dragged them into a chippy, physical battle, the Chiefs managed to rise above it and make key plays when it was called for. Going forward, however, it's just not sustainable for Mahomes to sling it *that* much. I mean, gosh, nearly 70 pass attempts? Rest, recuperate, and resuscitate that running game as soon as possible. If nothing else, the game proved that Kansas can win by defense if necessary.
1Amorphis
Circle


Philadelphia Eagles (+/- 0)

The winning streak just keeps trucking along. It's the first time in the history of the Eagles' franchise that they've gone undefeated for 8 games, and they're demonstrated that they can play tough defense and explosive, dynamic offense. They found themselves tied to a poor Texans team, but they eventually found their footing and kept their foot on the gas. Good teams face down adversity just like that: adjusting, keeping calm, and aggressively taking control of the game. Philly silenced the Houston offense and rolled the defense and quickly increased the distance, leading to a game that started close and ended far from it. So long as they keep winning, the #1 seed awaits them.
Show/Add Comments (37)

STAFF & CONTRIBUTORS // CONTACT US

Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Site Copyright 2005-2023 Sputnikmusic.com
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy