Before Going To College
Make sure you can pass this test. Otherwise you will go into crippling debt for no good reason and will never contribute anything of worth to society, scallywag. |
| 1 |  | Boris
Flood
HISTORY: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific. |
| 2 |  | Tool
Lateralus
MEDICINE: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes. Be sure not to spill blood on the page. |
| 3 |  | Deafheaven
Sunbather
PUBLIC SPEAKING: Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the room. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek. |
| 4 |  | Black Sabbath
Paranoid
BIOLOGY: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis. |
| 5 |  | Pink Floyd
Animals
MUSIC: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat |
| 6 |  | Primus
Frizzle Fry
PSYCHOLOGY: Based on your degree of knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Rameses II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate. |
| 7 |  | Karnivool
Sound Awake
SOCIOLOGY: Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory. |
| 8 |  | Blind Melon
Soup
MANAGEMENT SCIENCE: Define management. Define science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm; design the communications interface and all necessary control programs. |
| 9 |  | Paul Gilbert
Get out of My Yard
ENGINEERING: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision. |
| 10 | | A Perfect Circle
13th Step
ECONOMICS: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question. |
| 11 |  | Cloudkicker
Beacons
POLITICAL SCIENCE: There is a red telephone provided for you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any. |
| 12 |  | Deftones
Around the Fur
EPISTEMOLOGY: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position. |
| 13 |  | Astronautalis
Pomegranate
ENGLISH: Write an essay on the meanings behind and of James Joyce's Ulysses, and compare and contrast that work with Shakespeare's Love's Labors Found, Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass, and Rita Mae Brown's Ruby Fruit Jungle. Generalize and be specific. |
| 14 |  | Animals as Leaders
Animals as Leaders
PHYSICS: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science. |
| 15 | | Blotted Science
The Machinations of Dimentia
PHILOSOPHY: Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought. |
| 16 |  | Converge
Axe to Fall
COMPUTER SCIENCES: This test has circulated on the Internet for approximately 4 years. Trace its existence back to its original author and provide three forms of evidence proving authorship. |
| 17 |  | Neurosis
Times of Grace
EXTRA CREDIT: Define the universe; give three examples. |
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