RobertChristgau
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Last Active 03-27-12 2:55 pm
Joined 03-27-12

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03.27.12 Albums That Are Bad. F-03.27.12 Albums That Are Good. A+

Albums That Are Bad. F-

The five worst records in the history of music.
1King Crimson
In the Court of the Crimson King


Despite what you may think, this is the absolute worst record of all time. No songs about rock n roll, sex or drugs, and my biggest complaint is the display of talent, flawless combination, juxtaposition and integration of jazz and classical into sporadic 'rock' music. Integrate? Taking ideas from another genre, placing them perfectly into a diverse set of rock songs and making an album that rides on it's composition, elegance and quirkiness rather than on pop hooks and lyrics about doing drugs? Lol, hard. Pretentious drivel. Ersatz shit. Why would somebody torture themselves with supposed 'rock' music that doesn't even rock hard? Oh, please. Talent? Why display that in music? Why show off Fripp, why? Sure your compositions on this album were dense, artistically genius, varied, new, and light years ahead of their time but so what? Where are the fucking pop hooks and short songs? And what about the manipulation of the main melody in the closer track "Court of the Cocksucking King"? You think you're smart for placing a slower ambient section of a reworked version of the same fucking melody you used for the entire song as a bridge to a huge, loud, and epic conclusion. Haha. Nonsense. Is it rock n roll? Nope. It's talent. Who the fuck wants that? Ersatz shit to the highest degree.
2Rush
Hemispheres


Haha. Bad lyrics about aliens and space ships? Yes. Nerdy synths and atrocious vocals? Yes. A drummer who is obsessed with himself and spends his time wanking on his 100000k dollar drum set rather than composing artsy pop songs? Of course. Atrocious band? You got it. Rush is the worst band of all time. Is this what rock n roll has come to? A bunch of fucking talented nerds singing about trees? My god. Ersatz shit.
3The Decemberists
The Crane Wife


Why listen to huge melodies, fun songs and great vocals when you could spend your time with something more useful like listening to Pavement? You know, real indie n roll. This is just ersatz shit. I will now mention how bad this band is in EVERY indie-folk related review a write, just so you know how bad they are. Ersatz shit.
4Pink Floyd
The Dark Side of the Moon


Wanna know what my favorite Pink Floyd album is? WYWH. Why? Cause it's got soul, rather than tasteful experimentation, beautiful soundscapes, a cinematic flow and interesting lyrics? Experimentation? Not rock n roll enough. Album is a snooze fest. Ersatz shit.
5Radiohead
Ok Computer


Fuck this band. Radiohead isnt indie you failed hipsters, the only good indie band is Pavement. Are you people serious? Why ruin half decent rock music with blippity bloopity bullshit? And why did Radiohead select Thomas Yorke as a 'singer'? There's no rock n roll in his voice. Just gorgeous melodies, paranoid yet somehow mystifying and genius lyrics, propelled by Johnny Failwood, who's creative compositions, diverse set of songwriting skills and incredible ability to create dense melodies and arrangements is completely set to flames by the fact that he is not Steve Malkumus. He just sucks. Album has no soul. Ersatz shit.
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