Gavierra
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Soundoffs 3
Album Ratings 886
Objectivity 70%

Last Active 06-08-23 2:58 am
Joined 06-08-23

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 Lists
10.20.23 The Tea Party Ranked10.20.23 Live-Action Star Wars Ranked
10.06.23 Motorpsycho Full Discog Ranking06.09.23 Opeth Rounked

Live-Action Star Wars Ranked

I haven't seen all the animated shows so I won't be including them on here, but if you're curious I'd likely put Clone Wars 2003 just a couple hairs below Return of the Jedi, as I believe it's the most airtight of all the animated stuff in terms of writing, with the 3D Clone Wars show being just behind it.
16Yeule
Glitch Princess

THE LAST JEDI

Let's get a couple things straight first. TLJ is visually stunning, Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill's performances were solid, the cinematography is award-worthy and the soundtrack is a minor improvement over TFA. Too bad the rest of the movie is abysmal, especially the writing. The movie's use of themes is so on the nose yet it's not explored thoroughly. Sure, failure being the best teacher sounds good on paper, but where do we see that here? Did Rey fail to convert Kylo despite witnessing him kill his own dad? Luke's entire character is retconned just to give him an arc that made him look worse than before, Kylo Ren's motivations are incredibly inconsistent, Poe is treated like a moron despite helping his crew escape, Hux is turned into a joke and the humor is so out of place. I think what frustrates me most about this movie is that it's clear a lot of talented people worked on it, so it's evident that Rian Johnson simply hated the franchise's fans. Fuck this film.

2/10
15Queensryche
Dedicated to Chaos

THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

As fun as it is to dunk on this movie, I can't hate it as much as TLJ. While that one felt like a carefully-constructed middle finger made by a pretentious manchild who wanted to piss off all fans, this one feels like a frankenstein of a film that was butchered and then hastily stitched together by a corporate committee and a hack director who admittedly had no idea what he was doing. It aims to please everyone in the most ludicrous way yet it fails to do even that. The Force is treated like plot magic, completely ruining stakes and payoffs from prior movies. Palpatine's return completely nullifies Vader's redemption. Finn, Poe the Knights of Ren (remember them?) and most of the other characters from previous entries are useless now, and of course Rey stealing the Skywalker name instead of embracing her heritage as a Palpatine (as dumb as it is) so the name would have a new meaning. Oh well, at least C-3PO had some funny moments.

2/10
14Savatage
Fight for the Rock

THE BOOK OF BOBA FETT

I never understood the hype for this guy. He was just an uber driver with a gun and a bucket on his head who died in the most embarrassing way possible. At least until this series came out. And sadly it doesn't do him any justice whatsoever. What could've been a neat opportunity to build upon a blank slate character and make a cool bounty hunter series ends up being a fever dream of random filler content with no throughline. Boba is brought back only to play a background character in his show when Mando, Ahsoka and impostor-Luke are brought in. And even then his female partner acts as both his brains and his muscle by making most of his decisions for him. It's nice to see Mando visit a new location that looks like something out of Halo doing what Boba could be doing. Bounty hunter stuff. Not sure why but hey the set looks cool, and that's about it. This was clearly a rushed production to keep fans occupied until Mandalorian S3. A total waste of time.

2.5/10
13Storm Corrosion
Storm Corrosion

OBI WAN KENOBI

Easily one of the most disappointing things to come out of the franchise. The amount of missed potential this series had is off the chart, to the point where it fucks with continuity in the OT. The first episode showing Obi-Wan's daily life on Tattooine was decent, but the moment he has to give up his position protecting Luke to rescue Leia is awful. Obi-Wan is later cast aside for one of the worst characters in Star Wars, namely Reva. Her motivations make zero sense and she's nothing but a poor attempt at building up a sympathetic villain. Leia's actress does a decent job and you can tell Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen are acting their hearts out here, though it's a shame their characters were so mishandled. Why is Vader ok with letting rebels escape just so he can duel with Obi? Plus the show looks incredibly cheap, and don't even get me started on the constant shaky-cam. At least Uncle Owen was a chad for trying to protect Luke from an Inquisitor.

2.5/10
12As I Lay Dying
Shaped by Fire

SOLO

Honestly who asked for this movie? I'm all for spinoffs but this one really flew off the rails from the get-go. A lot of the decisions made here range from awful to downright hilarious. For example, did we really need to have a shower scene with Han and Chewie? How Han got his last name? What's with the strong focus on Han's dice? It made for an ok moment when Luke gave it to Leia in TLJ, only to be shattered when you realize it belonged to Han's ex. Also having Lando's feminist sex-bot getting it's consciousness uploaded into the Millennium Falcon which was truly baffling. I didn't know Disney could ruin a ship, but they did it. C-3PO must've been spooked as hell when he plugged into the Falcon in ESB and heard "Droid Rights!". And don't get me started on the forced fan-service at the end. At least the soundtrack was banging and the train heist scene was neat, not to mention the weird Cthulhu monster which showed up only to get sucked into a black hole immediately.

3/10
11Metallica
Death Magnetic

THE FORCE AWAKENS

A love-letter to the OT. That is, if you only care about the more superficial elements. While it does have some of that OT charm and it was fun to see the old actors return, this felt less like a Star Wars movie and more like a Marvel movie cosplaying as one. Han went from war general back to smuggler, Luke vanishes for some reason, and Leia is...around I guess. Snoke and the First Order coming into power isn't explained, nor is it specified how much control they have over the galaxy. I guess the New Republic did nothing for decades and just let it happen? The whole film isn't just a clone of ANH, it's a very poorly-written one. Remember when Vader blew up Alderaan because he wanted Leia to reveal the Rebel Base's location? Let's make it 5 planets and not explain why they're targets. Rey remains as an overpowered blank slate for the entire trilogy. Finn was set up well but was cast aside by the end. And Kylo Ren was cool up until he took his mask off.

3.5/10
10Black Sabbath
13

AHSOKA

Ah yes, memberberries: the show. Seriously, this entire season is just Dave Filoni playing around with his OCs like action figures in a bathtub while offering nothing new or unique to the franchise. Anything that's semi-interesting is hashed from the animated shows but with far less intrigue and is watered down completely. Ahsoka lacks the spunk and personality she had in Rebels and TCW and is just a plank of wood, Sabine is an annoying caricature with infinite plot armor, Thrawn was wasted completely, and the idea of zombie stormtroopers is just absurd. Ezra was ok, Baylan showed some potential, the scenes with Anakin were decent and the David Tennant droid had some good lines. Overall the show was a boring, bloated excuse to reign in more meaningless fanservice and show off animated characters in live-action with no throughline for a proper story.

3.5/10
9Dream Theater
Train of Thought

THE MANDALORIAN

I'll be honest, I really wanted to like this show. I was hooked when I heard this would be it's own self-contained story, and for a few episodes that's what we got. The story itself just didn't click. Rather than giving Mando character growth over the series, he remains a personality-black hole with literal plot-armor. His connection with Baby Yoda isn't fleshed out beyond "he's cute I guess". Season 1 was tolerable with it's homages to old spaghetti westerns, but after season 2 it became apparent that they wanted to add in legacy characters for no other reason than to push views up. And just like BoBF and Kenobi, Mando gets sidelined by season 3 as a secondary character, nullifying the finale of S2. Overall, the entire series feels like a dragged out cutscene where you're waiting for the gameplay, only it never comes. Is it better than the sequel trilogy? Absolutely. But I guess when you're given rotten food for years, bland soup must taste great by comparison.

4/10
8Fear Factory
Digimortal

ATTACK OF THE CLONES

Likely my least favorite of the OG 6, but there's still plenty of good moments that keeps it above the previous entries. The conflict between two governing bodies being orchestrated by Palpatine and the introduction of Dooku being a fallen Jedi who wanted to tear down the Republic and the Jedi Order to create a new government free of corruption a.k.a the Separatist movement was neat. Jango is more badass than Boba (sorry not sorry) because he's more of a threat to the heroes and has a significant role in the story and Ewan McGregor kills it as Obi-Wan. However there is a lack of connective tissue between the events that happen, namely Obi-Wan and Anakin being split up for two different missions and not having enough chemistry building up, Dooku not having more screen-time, the garish effects that were groundbreaking at the time looking dated now, and... the romance. We know Anakin never flirted with a girl before but the execution could've been much better.

5/10
7Paradise Lost
Host

THE PHANTOM MENACE

Watching this movie in hindsight, it's really not as bad as people think. While I agree that Jar-Jar could've been far better written, he does play a role in the story and does go on an arc of sorts. Though it would've been better if he'd traded places with Obi-Wan on Tattooine so we'd have more time with him and Qui-Gon's relationship, as well as his feelings towards Anakin. Not only is the movie visually stunning for it's time (it has more practical effects than the entire OT), the music, the podrace, the fight choreography, particularly with Maul is awesome. Qui-Gon is a really interesting character who's more passive and morally gray and isn't by-the-books like all the other Jedi. The movie however does suffer from a severe lack of tonal consistency, since we didn't need to see Jar-Jar cracking jokes after the scene where Qui-Gon gets stabbed. The pacing in the second act could've been tweaked more as well, and Natalie's performance needed lots of work.

5.5/10
6Gospel
The Moon Is a Dead World

ROGUE ONE

Easily the best Star Wars movie to be released under Disney, there's no doubt that the filmmakers really wanted to honor the legacy of the OT by keeping the story and visual aesthetic consistent with ANH. While the plot itself is fairly solid and simple, the charaters are very lacking. Jyn is the protagonist who rebels, Cassian is the guy who was in this fight since he was 6 years old, Rook is the tech guy, and Baze is the brawns. The only characters that really stood out was the blind spiritual guardian Chirrut and K-2SO who had some humorous scenes and a pretty impactful death scene. The movie does have it's fair share of fanservice, but it's utilized in a much smarter way that favors the plot, especially the ending scene where Vader tears through rebels to recover the Death Star plans. Overall, a very decent movie that I wouldn't mind watching again every now and then.

6/10
5The Moody Blues
Days of Future Passed

A NEW HOPE

There's no denying the impact this movie had after release. It showed that you could take sci-fi, strip it down to it's core and add things that many would see as unconventional. Instead of having a futuristic synthesized score, how about a bombastic orchestral one with some militaristic themes? Instead of laser guns, how about we add samurai with a glowstick instead? The story is super simple; it's a fairy-tale in space where a farm boy, a pirate, a wizard and a beastly creature save a princess from an evil sorcerer. And that's mostly it. While I do like this one a lot, I think the franchise became more than a flash in the pan with the movies and shows that followed. The effects are a bit dated and there isn't much going on in the first two acts that impact the bigger overarching story, but I don't blame Lucas as this was a tight gamble so there weren't many obvious threads left open for sequels. It works well on it's own and it's easy enough for anyone to follow.

7/10
4Deep Purple
Perfect Strangers

RETURN OF THE JEDI

Maybe not the strongest written in the OT, but definitely the most emotionally resonant. The payoffs in this movie, especially the conflict between Luke and Vader before the latter chooses to risk his life to save his son is peak cinema. And ties up the six films neatly with a bow, especially after the second Death Star is finally brought down. While many would dislike the Ewok battle in the final act, I wasn't bothered by it. It was a classic underdog story that took inspiration from the Vietnam War where the less powerful Vietcong fought and won against the stronger American troops. Luke's arc is complete, though he isn't invincible as we see at the end. The first act where the heroes try to free Han Solo from Jabba and escape is a bit muddled, but is still engaging nonetheless. Overall, it's a very satisfying conclusion to a beloved franchise and I'm so glad that they didn't make any more movies after this one. Big-budget fanfics don't count either.

8/10
3Alice in Chains
Jar of Flies

ANDOR

Yep I'm surprised too. Andor is not only the best live-action Star Wars show, but it's also the best thing to happen to the franchise in years. It does what Mandalorian and TLJ tried and failed to do by being completely different and introducing new and unique ideas and concepts, while being consistent with the universe it takes place in. Gone is the recycled Jedi vs Sith dilemma, the show is more grounded and small-scale while expanding on the Empire and portraying them as an actual tyrannical threat with some moral grays working for them. Luthen's monologue is Emmy-worthy, Cassian and Mon Mothma are more fleshed out as characters, Andy Serkis gives an outstanding performance as a random prisoner than whatever we got with Snoke, and the production is top-notch. It's worth recommending to anyone regardless if they like Star Wars or not. The show is a sci-fi thriller, heist film, prison breakout movie and political drama rolled into one. Hope Season 2 is just as great.

8.5/10
2Yes
Close to the Edge

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

Definitely one of those rare films that deserves all the praise it gets. The pacing, the writing, the visuals, the themes, and the way it builds off of what came before it is all perfect. There are some minor flaws here and there but the struggle between the rebels and the Empire combined with Luke's training until the final twist at the end showed that the franchise was more than just a silly space adventure. It was darker, more mature and it left everyone on their seat right until the duel between Luke and Vader, before ending in an unexpectedly bittersweet fashion. Yoda was a great addition to the franchise, Vader's character had more depth and intrigue the moment the Emperor was introduced and the chemistry between Han and Leia was spot-on. A worthy blueprint for how sequels could and should be done, and a film that stands the test of time even today.

9/10
1The Cure
Disintegration

REVENGE OF THE SITH

I'm biased on this one, but while I think TESB is the best on a technical and filmmaking level, this one eases it out on a storytelling and thematic level. The concept of good and evil not being so cut and dry like what we'd expect from both the Jedi and Sith was very intriguing, Anakin's turn to Vader was exceptionally compelling and Palpatine absolutely owned this movie. You can tell that Ian McDiarmid was having a blast. The movie is also the most operatic of the saga, playing up the campiness here and there while also being the most poignant as well as the richest in terms of story and character conflict. The music, the space battles and the lightsaber duels are the best of the franchise, and while it does suffer from similar issues from 1 and 2, they're nowhere near as apparent. Ignoring some of Hayden's goofy line deliveries and the ambiguity of Padme's death, this is a clear narrative tentpole in the saga and is peak Star Wars in almost every aspect.

9/10
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