ArsMoriendi
11.16.21 | Apply |
TheSpirit
11.16.21 | I should |
Sinternet
11.16.21 | Prog fan's girlfriend turns out to actually be real |
Dewinged
11.16.21 | I laughed at 3 more than I should. |
DavidYowi
11.16.21 | all of these are great but 1 is my fav |
sonictheplumber
11.16.21 | the fart times |
dedex
11.16.21 | you've got talent |
Purpl3Spartan
11.16.21 | This reminds me of the one article that goes something like "Turnstile's music is so good that fans are literally crapping their pants" |
DungeonBoy
11.16.21 | lol pretty solid |
TheSpirit
11.16.21 | Thanks everyone. Maybe I will get to writing one of these and see how it goes |
SteakByrnes
11.16.21 | Lol these are good |
TheSpirit
11.16.21 | OLATHE, Kans – Local goregrind band Keratoconjunctivitis have decided to call it quits after 6 years together, citing lack of inspiration after reaching back cover of the medical textbook purchased by vocalist Billy “Barber Itch” Wiggins in 2015.
“None of us actually went to medical school,” Wiggins said while packing up his gear after the band’s last show at Lumpy’s Bar on 151st street. “I bought the book [Principles and Practices of Surgery] at a garage sale for only $5 bucks. It was between that or a book on Egyptian mythology but we’re bigger fans of Carcass than Nile. Also, I met Karl Sanders once and I’m pretty sure he put some sort of curse on me – my toenails keep falling out. I decided to steer clear of whatever mumbo jumbo he’s into ever since.”
“I just don’t see a way for us to move forward,” Wiggins continued, leaning up against the stickered trunk of his Toyota Sienna.
Longtime fan, Jake Thorton, has expressed confusion at the band’s decision to end.
“They ever hear of something called the internet? I can look up medical terms all day,” he said, scrolling through an online medical dictionary pulled up on his phone. “Sacrococcygeal. Boom, there’s your next album. A Crippling Case of Macrophagic Myofasciitis. Bam, there’s you’re next single. I don't understand why they would end it like this."
“We like to keep it as old-school as possible,” Wiggins said. “Oh, Facetime this, tweeter that. Venmo me dogecoin for Ubers and Lyfts! No. We don’t just play music like it’s 1988, we live like it’s 1988. When you get to the end of a book, you close it, and that's just what we did.”
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DavidYowi
11.16.21 | fuck that's really good lmao. They should hire you |
TheSpirit
11.16.21 | thanks lol, i'm glad you thought it was good! i think i still need to practice this kind of writing a bit, but who knows, maybe i'll reach out to them in the future |
TheSpirit
11.16.21 | i sent them a pitch and also bump, would like some CC on this |
Snake.
11.16.21 | "Seattle Kraken already has entire local hardcore scene wearing their jerseys" |
Ryus
11.16.21 | 1 is good |
Gnocchi
11.16.21 | --I laughed at 3 more than I should.--
Chuckled in the office today a little too loudly. Got some loathsome looks. |
TheSpirit
11.17.21 | Thanks y’all! |
ConcubinaryCode
12.01.21 | Hard times is actually hiding freelance writers so make a shot if you haven't already. Old list but you should know just in case. Good luck! |
Frost15
12.01.21 | Yo this was funny af haha! |
TheSpirit
12.15.21 | I submitted an "app" but haven't heard back! |