|Bungy's Very Nice Pro Health Tips #1|
health is an important aspect of life and has a direct consequence of a
sputnik user's happiness. over the years i have picked up on some
valuable techniques for improving one's health in many different ways and
decided it was only appropriate to share them with the user base as i'm
sure your mom's can only do so much on their own.
Problem: YOUR POSTURE. you all spend too much time hunched over your keyboards
with your arms up pulling your shoulders forward and your neck slumped down as if
getting your face closer to the screen would increase the verity of your opinions. it wont.
your opinions are terrible that will never change.
Solution: it's pretty obvious. you already know the solution instinctively. let me give you
a quick lesson on human anatomy. the body is amazing in that it alerts you to things
possibly damaging to you through things like pain and discomfort. if you try to staple a
file to your ear it will hurt so stop it. if building your shoulder muscles and stretching your
neck is hard or a little uncomfortable, that is your body's way of telling you to find a
different and smarter solution.
you need a more comfortable way to counter your rounded shoulders: make your
stomach way bigger. this will force you to pull everything back without even thinking
about it to simply prevent you from falling on your face. and trust me you will land on
your face because you look like a fucking skinny hunchback why are you trying to look
forward so hard. there are multiple ways to accomplish this.
way 1. this way is a combination of a worse diet and even less exercise. your body will store
most of the fat in your gut. when you are eating worse you may vomit. DO NOT LET IT
ESCAPE COVER YOUR MOUTH AND SWALLOW IT BACK AS FAST AS YOU CAN. remember
you are doing this for your personal happiness, eating a little vomit is a terrible reason to
lose sight of your goals. speaking of goals, ive always said that winners have three things in
common: goals and a burning desire to achieve them and a burning colon. maybe set a goal
of consuming 12,000 calories per day by the third week. if you already don't exercise, by the
way good for you, maybe think of ways to move less. trips to the bathroom and kitchen can
be considered exercise. i would recommend grabbing all your food for the day and piling it
up next to you in one trip and instead of going to the bathroom, just go in a nearby container
of something you've already eaten.
way 2. get kangaroo surgery. there is a third world country south of europe called australasia.
it is inhabited mainly by spiders and kangaroos. kangaroos have a pouch on their tummy
where they can store weights to improve their posture. simply order a surgery for a kangaroo
tummy and put heavy stuff in there. this may not be feasible for everyone living off the gov oh
wait medicaid will pay for it.
way 3. this way is the ostensible pick. staple stuff to your stomach. you can only really
staple paper and ears so you will need a LOT of staples to add enough weight. this might
also hurt, if so attempt ways 1 and 2.
|7||Husker Du |
New Day Rising
King of Jeans
|9||Ted Leo and the Pharmacists|
Shake the sheets
albums i have a massive crush on
|10||Bent Outta Shape|
Stray Dog Town