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Last Active 01-11-12 1:46 am
Joined 07-31-09

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Bungy's Very Nice Pro Health Tips #1

health is an important aspect of life and has a direct consequence of a sputnik user's happiness. over the years i have picked up on some valuable techniques for improving one's health in many different ways and decided it was only appropriate to share them with the user base as i'm sure your mom's can only do so much on their own.
Mellow Cruisers

Problem: YOUR POSTURE. you all spend too much time hunched over your keyboards with your arms up pulling your shoulders forward and your neck slumped down as if getting your face closer to the screen would increase the verity of your opinions. it wont. your opinions are terrible that will never change.

Solution: it's pretty obvious. you already know the solution instinctively. let me give you a quick lesson on human anatomy. the body is amazing in that it alerts you to things possibly damaging to you through things like pain and discomfort. if you try to staple a file to your ear it will hurt so stop it. if building your shoulder muscles and stretching your neck is hard or a little uncomfortable, that is your body's way of telling you to find a different and smarter solution.
3The Methadones
The Methadones

you need a more comfortable way to counter your rounded shoulders: make your stomach way bigger. this will force you to pull everything back without even thinking about it to simply prevent you from falling on your face. and trust me you will land on your face because you look like a fucking skinny hunchback why are you trying to look forward so hard. there are multiple ways to accomplish this.
Gone Fishin'

way 1. this way is a combination of a worse diet and even less exercise. your body will store most of the fat in your gut. when you are eating worse you may vomit. DO NOT LET IT ESCAPE COVER YOUR MOUTH AND SWALLOW IT BACK AS FAST AS YOU CAN. remember you are doing this for your personal happiness, eating a little vomit is a terrible reason to lose sight of your goals. speaking of goals, ive always said that winners have three things in common: goals and a burning desire to achieve them and a burning colon. maybe set a goal of consuming 12,000 calories per day by the third week. if you already don't exercise, by the way good for you, maybe think of ways to move less. trips to the bathroom and kitchen can be considered exercise. i would recommend grabbing all your food for the day and piling it up next to you in one trip and instead of going to the bathroom, just go in a nearby container of something you've already eaten.
New Brigade

way 2. get kangaroo surgery. there is a third world country south of europe called australasia. it is inhabited mainly by spiders and kangaroos. kangaroos have a pouch on their tummy where they can store weights to improve their posture. simply order a surgery for a kangaroo tummy and put heavy stuff in there. this may not be feasible for everyone living off the gov oh wait medicaid will pay for it.
6The Broadways
Broken Star

way 3. this way is the ostensible pick. staple stuff to your stomach. you can only really staple paper and ears so you will need a LOT of staples to add enough weight. this might also hurt, if so attempt ways 1 and 2.
7Husker Du
New Day Rising

8Pissed Jeans
King of Jeans

9Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
Shake the sheets

albums i have a massive crush on
10Bent Outta Shape
Stray Dog Town
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