ControlDarts
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Last Active 05-10-12 7:53 pm
Joined 08-11-11

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 Lists
06.09.12 Ghetto Indie Recs05.30.12 The Story Of Deviant ♦
05.25.12 Teenage Donuts05.23.12 Post Pictures Of Your Girlfriend/wife
05.18.12 What Kind Of Gamer Are You05.03.12 This Bitch Is Fine
04.24.12 I'll Trade A Recipe For Your Recs03.29.12 Family Guy, American Dad, And The Cleav
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03.02.12 Sputnik's Ads02.28.12 I Made Stool
02.17.12 Degrassi12.21.11 Don't Feature This List
11.12.11 Everything

The Story Of Deviant

It all began when he was 7. His grades were atrocious and he had really bad asthma, he never participated in gym class or raised his hand for help. His best friend Todd wore his silver jacket one day and never returned it to him, but Deviant quickly forgave him because that's the kind of person he was back then. You see, age 7 was his first year in public school and up until that point he only had his parents and his nanny, and they never let him down. He was never exposed to the wickedness that was spite or cruelty.
1The Prodigy
The Fat of the Land

Todd was his first public school friend. They shared their poptarts together at lunch and sometimes they would laugh at the handsome students and milk would come out their noses. They liked girls but Todd was a little more curious than Deviant was. During recess, Todd was over by the Tower of Tires (otherwise known as the "Pee Pee Palace") and was looking up the skirt of one of his classmates. Deviant didn't know what was going on or thought anything of it, but Deviant didn't say anything. When winter was finally over of that school year, Todd finally returned his silver jacket, only to find it torn and with chewing gum holding one of the pockets glued together. Deviant loved walking around with his hands in his pocket, but he had to make do with only having access to one of those cozy holes. Todd apologized for returning it so late and Deviant forgave him. Summer break began and the 2 slept over at eachother's houses every weekend and ate poptarts all night.
2Autechre
Tri Repetae

Middle school finally came around. Deviant and Todd started listening to Atheist and Alice in Chains, and that was the soundtrack to their friendship. Deviant was in danger of repeating the sixth grade come June, so Todd did all his homework for him because he was his best friend and he would do anything for him. So Deviant yielded all of his assignment to his partner and crime and they were done over the next week. Todd's grades were good, what could go wrong? When Deviant got graded on his papers, however, Deviant was screwed. Drawn on all of his papers were orange phalluses ejaculating Toaster Pastry icing across a doodle of Deviant's advisory teacher. This teacher was very not-white and that was mocked and ridiculed in the most offensive way. Deviant was suspended and subsequently held back while Todd went on to the seventh grade.
3Sepalcure
Sepalcure

When he was 13 years old, Deviant joined the neoseeker forums because he was an avid Final Fantasy addict and wanted to chat with other people about the game. Upon asking a simple question in the forum, he was told off vigorously by a user with over 20,000 post count, where dozens of other users followed, which traumatized Deviant for life. One day he was eating a poptart when he heard UK garage on some youtube video he was watching. It was very different from the metal and hip-hop he had listened to growing up and he loved it's mechanical sound. "This is NOT metal or hip-hop", he thought to himself. Everywhere he looked the genre of that song was "electronica" but that did not please Deviant. It was too much of an umbrella term so he kept looking. Finally he came across a label specific and scrutinizing enough that it could only be the truth: UK garage. Why was Deviant so keen on finding this exact label?
4Aphex Twin
Selected Ambient Works 85-92

At age 16, Deviant was a freshman in high school and fit in with no one. The girls were all dating guys who listened to metal and hip-hop, a genre he had all but abandoned. No one liked Burial or Sepalcure, so Deviant sat alone. Todd was a sophomore because he jackassingly flunked him, and therefore he had no friends in class or at lunch. He instead wrote journals about why he loved Burial so much and how everyone in this school who liked Death and had facial hair was a fag and needed to die. He did this every day to compensate for the fact that he had no one to talk about his favorite bands with.
5Clubroot
III - MMXII

Deviant was failing all of his classes except for English, which he didn't even do the actual assignments in, he just handed in music reviews for every due assignment and the teachers were impressed with his writing to let that be enough. Todd was nailing Deviant's sister, which made him worry because he knew the demon that was Todd better than she. For a while he denied it, sitting in the corners of him room, isolated from his family and friends telling himself "this is not the truth....this can't be real!" and he had himself convinced that his best friend wasn't nailing his sister. No, he convinced himself that it was much more than that. Just "getting nailed' wasn't a logical enough position for his sister to be in. It HAD to be more than that. Maybe she was feeling depressed since her ex got in that DUI accident? Maybe she really loved him and that they were embracing the future they had together as teenage lovers? It could not just be that she was being "nailed". No, it couldn't be...
6Basement Jaxx
Remedy

Deviant finds sputnikmusic where he can express his love for post-Netherlands psy-step garage-dance music. He does so religiously where people are capable of hearing him out and sharing their love. They would read his reviews, be convinced to get this album, and go out and get it and rate it highly. This made Deviant feel good. He would celebrate every 20 votes he can draw in on an obscure EP with no votes with a milkshake and a poptart.
7Grimes
Visions

Todd shows up at Deviant's doorstep one day. It's been a long time. He comes to say he's apologized and that he wants to make peace with him. Deviant is very hesitant, but he invites him to sleepover for the first time in years, this time with Jagermeister and porn. Todd swore off making intercourse with his sister. They made a bowl of poptarts and smoked the little crumb particles where they jammed to Burial for hours and hours. Seeing as his metalhead/wigger was enjoying the Burial atmosphere, Deviant was convinced that his best friend was back and had an open mind about their relationship. He really did change.
8The Avalanches
Since I Left You

Out of high school, Deviant is free. Sure Todd had already been free for a year, but now HE was free. The world was his oyster. He could do anything he wants. He could explore the world, marry a beautiful New Zealand girl, and sample many flavors of food and drink. After his graduation ceremony he went home and went straight on sputnik. He made a list commemorating the milestone, with a list of his favorite 100 "house" albums, where little inferior sputnikers were dancing in a shower of recs like Mexican kids under a broken pinata. That made Deviant proud. Life was looking good again.
9Air
Moon Safari

With the monkey out of his sister's vagina, Deviant could give recs like Santa Clause on Christmas. Hey. I am like Santa Clause, aren't I? That'll make a great avatar!
10Bassnectar
Freakbeat for the Beatfreak

Deviant was smoking poptarts in an empty mansion under construction with his buddy Todd. Little did they know a gas leak started. Only half-stoned, they smelled the gas and quickly made way out of the house. Unfortunately, they were all the way on the third floor in the central bedroom, very far away from the front door. With the windows all covered in plywood, the front door was their only escape. They wrangled up all their poptarts and fled. While running, tripping on debris and loose tools, Deviant fell down the stairs and couldn't walk. Todd ran ahead into the infirmary, but when he left he walked out wearing a gas mask, staring at him wickedly, not ready to save him, just ready to leave. It all came back to him at once; since Todd was nailing his sister, Deviant hallucinogenically saw his sister's face behind the mask. Todd left the building, leaving Deviant to rot. He lost consciousness.
11Swarms
Old Raves End

Deviant woke up in the hospital a month later. He was in some kind of coma but luckily lived. His parents had found him passed out inside the mansion. They're lucky they even found him. But they said very little after that; Deviant had been avoiding his family for the past few years, and his relationship with them was sour. But his sweet, sweet sister...please don't fall for Todd's lies........
12FaltyDL
You Stand Uncertain

Age 20, journalist, night-clubber, fill-in DJ, and Jager bomber. Life is mellow. Life is dark. Life's soundtrack at this point is Untrue. He isolates himself from relationships, just deviates himself. He would pray for his sister's serenity but he doesn't believe in Jesus. The Jager bombs and the music will take good care of him, put him in his cozy room. Sputnik's full of musically idiotic inferiors, he can always abuse them if only it can ease the pain a little bit.
13Lone
Galaxy Garden

Deviant goes to a strip tease where Alice in Chains was playing in the background. Surprisingly he had no flashbacks, just remorse. Just defeat. He put on his headphones and put on Burial. Sweet sanctuary. A nice lady wearing nothing but poptarts came to give Deviant his money's worth. She couldn't get his attention so she took off his headphones and pressed them to her breasts. Deviant quickly remembered: it's over. You can only hope your sister is happy. Just enjoy the music. And he did.
14Shackleton
Music For The Quiet Hour

Deviant becomes staff writer at sputnikmusic. Somehow, it meant less to him than all the hard work would have suggested. He was just jaded. What does it mean to be staff writer anyway? It's just a label. It doesn't even fully describe me all the way. It's just an umbrella term.
15Burial
Untrue

Present - Deviant gets a call from his sister. She left Todd. Todd was arrested for domestic abuse. He could say "I told you so", but he's just happy his sister is alright. He can be in peace now. Burial had him convinced, but this feeling is very True.
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