Review Summary: SOBAD
I like to think I’m a positive guy. I really do try, though failure is always an inevitable option when the latest false metal plagues the scene. The latest I am referencing is DOGMA, an album in capitals, though the music is in lowercase (not intentionally). Time to mention a random track. In Another Life features a breakdown at the end, but it is not breaking anything except my will to live. The song features someone and I’ve no idea who, although the track title states who. Forgettable? Yes — that is one track, though. Now listen to Dancing with the Dead, or don’t, and realize what this band is going for. It’s modern metal (ala Wage War) that has been so overdone lately it is beyond burnt, the house is burnt down too and with it, the masters are hopefully destroyed. This kind of “metal” gives the perfect excuse to fart out songs and not attempt anything remotely scandalous or impactful. Pop hooks are all that are needed to munch on, correct? Hmmm no, and I love pop. Riffs are generally useful though for creating metal, generally speaking. Some distortion is effective too, so I hear.
Anywho, this is metal but pop. The band can’t decide if they want to make squeaky toothbrush noises (pop) or beat the listener to death with giant iron toothbrushes. They are better at the pop stuff though, because the metal portions are so generically dumped out with no actual oomph. At least give us milk with that oatmeal, but alas, I sink into a horizon of boring, second hand riffs that have faded colour and also no style aside from sort of loud. Just think, I could’ve been listening to Breaking Benjamin instead. And then there’s the breakdown in Labyrinth which, well, can it even be called a breakdown? Then Labyrinth transits straight into a poppy bit, complete with inspirational ooohhhss because breakdowns are too scary. The appeal to be listened to by any old listener is apparent and my non-pleb taste is insulted. On the bright side, the breakdown in the title track is decent, if so short it leaves such minimal impact it might as well have not happened.
Sometimes Crown the Empire get it right, not often mind you, but it
does happen. For example, Black Sheep is a survivable bit of pop/metal that’s catchy enough to boogey with. It’s not special, but it works somewhat, if painfully. It’s like an extremely rough Enter Shikari bled dry of all fun. Someone Else is another sort of decent track, sounding like We Came As Romans if they forgot how to pick up guitars. Wow, there aren’t many highlights. I thought there would be more but somehow I only barely survived the album. I blame this band and everything they stand for. They go on the path of least resistance, doing whatever will give them fame as per usual, and their mediocre musical passion is showing. Everything barely works in this album. The metal is barely edgy, the catchiness is negligible, and the pop is not blissful. It is the perfect album to skip, because most tracks are excruciating like being rolled in a barrel with spikes. Let this band die please.
