Review Summary: A cloning experiment that met with some success.
Finnish cloning experiment a success
FIRENOTE ARE BORN!
Technicians from Finnish MetalLab Inc. have recently concluded a successful cloning experiment concerning the musicians in Sonata Arctica, one of the most popular outfits of that country. According to head ML technician, Doctor Blast, this experiment is an attempt to take the popular cloning process of that country “to the next level”. “We have successfully managed to create exact replicas of the members of Sonata Arctica, whom we then infused with an innovative personality streak that allows them to think for themselves”, Doc explains. “This has allowed them to name their band themselves, and record their debut album with very little external interference”.
However, Doc admits to there still being some flaws in the process. “We have managed to make the clones of Mikko Harkin and Tony Kakko perfect replicas of them, but sadly we failed to infuse the drummer with the ‘double-bass gene’ that the original uses”. This may explain why Firenote’s debut album contains absolutely no trace of Finnish metal’s most popular trait.
According to Doc, the clones – which, for safety reasons, have been renamed Ricky, Isko, Hammond, Gene and Mike – have been programmed to possess the very basest level of compositive skill. “We wanted them to evolve as time went by, so their first album may not be all that great”, he admits. Still, the infusion of the clones’ bloodstreams with the miraculous Finnish water has led them to possess the inate talent typical of that country. According to Sputnik Gazette’s resident music critic, Pedro B., Firenote have at least a few good songs in their current output.
“Oh, yes, there are a couple of standouts”, he avows. “Basically, any song where they don’t sound like a permanently mid-tempo version of Sonata Arctica. The opening eponymous track is one of the most rollicking melodic-metal anthems I’ve heard in a long time, and
Speed Freak is exactly that, a track that barely relents its tempo for its entire duration. Great chorus on that one, too, probably the best on the album”. The infusion of Edguy genes in the clones may also explain the success of tongue-in-cheek close,
She Stole My Speedos. According to Pedro, that track’s “purposefully ridiculous lyrics manage to raise a hearty laugh every time. And the musical part is not half-bad, either, pacy and catchy”.
Unfortunately, there are far too many flaws on this record for it to be considered good, says our music critic. “Most of the songs are either boring, or just a pastiche of what Sonata Arctica do better.
Sara La Fountain, for example, is a complete sound-alike, even down to the singer emulating Kakko’s trademark shouty falsetto. As for obligatory power-ballad
My Love Will Never Die, all I could think about while hearing it were the lyrics ‘little Dana O’Hara, oh Dana my dear, how I wish that my Dana was here’. That should tell you something about the originality level of this song”, he explains. “Plus, most of the mid-section of the album is unremarkable and a little plodding”.
But the worse example may well be
Love Me Or Let Me Live, Pedro explains. “Oh, God, that song!”, he huffs with a rolling of eyes. “Just the thought of its interminable, grating chorus is making me shudder. Plus, it has some of the most ridiculous lyrics on the album. Prime examples include ‘I'm the blindest man who ever walked the earth/cause once again/ I’m falling in your dirt/first so sweet, a feeling so hard to beat/ then so dreadful, like a poisoned marguerita’. Need I say any more?” he groans.
His final criticism has to do with repetitiousness. Maybe because all the musicians are clones, they “tend to repeat musical patterns and lyrical themes. The opener’s vocal line reappears, in musical format, on
Don’t Ever Fall In Love, then
again on
Heartbreaker. Not to mention, nearly every lyric talks about heartbreaks and loneliness. Oddly, the exceptions are the standouts, that talk about Firenote (
Firenote), a speed freak (
Speed Freak) and stolen Speedos (
She Stole My Speedos). Original, huh?!”.
In short, our critic leaves the following reccomendation: “if you don’t listen to this album, you’ll be missing out on at least two great melodic metal tracks. But if you do, prepare to be bored by the mid-section. I’ll rate it a 2.5 because of the standouts and because a few parts of the songs work well, and the choruses to
Suddenly and
Sara La Fountain are mildly catchy. But I cannot give it a pass mark, it is too derivative and has far too much filler to be considered acceptable”. As for Doctor Blast, he promises to continue honing Firenote’s skills, in order to make them the latest Finnish sensation.
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special correspondants, ReturnToRock and Pedro B., in Helsinki, Finland.
