Review Summary: “I love djent, but Macro is trash” - Spock
Music is not always equal to, or the sum equivalent of hard riffs - this is what I call the Jinjer Sux Effect. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good wank on a hot summer day, but Jinjer are in a ***ing hurry. They try to beat Animals as Leaders, Monuments, and Volumes in a 10 meter dash but forgot their leg was broken. In a surprise twist, when they didn’t win, it made Jinjer so mad they decided to never write a good song again, hence Macro was born (check out the epic tale in issue #156: The Secret Metal Wars). Hence review was born. Hence we begin at the beginning.
To begin with, the music is dumb. They’ll slap with the force of a level 50 wizard in D&D in the verse, and then gently whisper in your ear that your microwave dinner is heated up in the chorus (cause their lyrics are trash too). Or they’ll give a generic verse, then suddenly spaz out, and then they’ll be boring again and so forth. And then they’ll be “poppy” and “soulful”, or maybe they’ll have a “faux-proggy” section, or “reggae” *** out of nowhere, and a “half-time” or “double-time” or “bull***-time” section blah blah, etc. *** is more bi-polar than Queen, but the difference is Queen is ***ing awesome and Freddie Mercury is a studmuffin, and better singer, and a legend, and his moustache makes me tingly. But it’s okay guys, cause metal doesn’t have to be well written as long as they strum the guitar really really fast and have chunky riffs. Even Mort would agree! Not. If Jinjer was a human, they would be the type to murder a goose with a frying pan, and then give a million dollars to charity. The album is reminiscent of dumpster fire queefs, but not good ones.
It’s not all bad. Really. The singing is lovely, the growls are spanknificent, the drums have slaptitude, and the riffs spank with the force of HYDRA’s secret weapon in Captain America: The First Avenger. This certainly doth m3tal. Back in the day, Jinjer would utilize those mad skillz to create memorable songs like Teacher, Teacher!, and I Speak Astronomy. In this album, the memorable song is the false reggae song (kinda fun tbh), and that’s the only fun song here. I’m being generous too, because the reggae-ish abomination does not stroke my objective musical taste.
In conclusion, Jinjer are a forgettable band that are memorable cause the riffs are hard and the female lady is pretty cool. But there are many bands with heavy riffs and a cool female. You might say that’s literally just a band, and is not a musical style aside from m3tal. Their musical style is <insert riff here>, with songwriting stolen from The Delicious Bread Collection and Anal Cunt. I always thought Jinjer were a great, generic metalcore act, but now they are a disgraceful, generic metalcore band. RIP.
