Review Summary: Beautiful, creepy, demonic, breathtaking--Portrait of a Dream is an instant classic for music in general.
BOOM. You hear the loud, dark thud of an organ, a note being played so low that it's difficult to hear. That one low, nearly demonic note--it's foreboding, it's heavy, and it's uncompromising. Unsettling, really. For three heart-stopping seconds all you hear is...that...one...note. But it holds you in its evil grasp for much longer than that. That one note drills a hole into your brain, it expands to overflow your entire consciousness. But only three seconds after that first BOOM, another note is being played. And another. And another, each one repeating the brain-filling feeling of that first big tone. A violin begins to play in the background, and while it's probably just one violinist strumming along, or it may even be a creepy computer-generated effect, it sounds like a ****ing orchestra. The sound of that orchestra builds and adds layers upon layers of pure unadulterated sound on top of one another, just builds and builds, and than, all of the sudden, it spirals off slowly and softly...
Than you hear the thunderous sound of the heavy, tight drums, which sound like a stampede, and than the background vocals enter. It's probably just one person singing along, or, again, it may be another computer-generated effect, but like the violin, it sounds like a ****ing choir. Cymbals begin to ring, back and forth, changing pitches and changing time signatures, low keyboards begin to mix with those dark, demonic, thudding organs, and everything begins to swirl in and out, becoming louder and softer, your brain begins to flash on and off like a light switch, the room begins to spin, you hold on to your iPod like a torture device-
And than it stops.
And than the vocals begin.
If you can call them vocals. I don't know who the vocalist is for 1000 Funerals, a creepy, funeral-doom metal band from Iran, nor do I particularly care. Even if I someday meet this guy, I wouldn't think of him when I hear 1000 Funerals’ debut album, Portrait of a Dream. I'll think of the ****ing devil. Because that's the only person--or being--that could sound like this. The vocals are inhumanly low, yet they aren't growled or spit like death grunts are. They're more forced, they're bigger, they're more epic, and they feel like they are actually being sung, not just spit and growled. They're loud yet darkly quiet at the same exact time, they're completely and utterly unintelligible yet they come in and are as clear as a bell. Most of all they're everything. They're everything because nothing is bigger than 1000 Funerals. They are bigger than everything.
Not once do I look at the elapsed time on my iPod, I just stare straight ahead in my dorm, my mouth slightly open, transfixed, and mesmerized. The first song, "Final Wish", slowly dims and draws to a close. I feel small, I feel like I just went to a thousand actual funerals and feel worried about when my turn's going to be up, when I'm going to have to submit my life and stand before the ultimate judge and watch him decide my ultimate decision.
And then the next song starts.
Every song has this feeling; every song puts you through this demonic rollercoaster of emotions. This is mainly because every song is essentially the same--everyone begins crazily loud, everyone slowly builds up to the amazing vocal arrangements, which don't vary from song to song. But the differences between these five tracks don’t really matter--I could hear fifty of these types of epics and not be bored at all. You actually feel something when you listen to Portrait of a Dream, you actually feel something that you only feel when you experience the greatest albums. And that's what Portrait of a Dream is: it's one of the greatest albums I have ever heard. 1000 Funerals' debut is destined to become a classic, and not just in its funeral-doom-stoner metal genre. It's destined to become a classic in music in general. Sure, it's just one forty-minute repetitive song, but who cares if you feel this way after every track?
