Review Summary: We were dead before the ship even sank.
I could preface this review with some obnoxiously long intro about the state of EDM and how Rob Swire and Gareth McGrillen should have stayed in Pendulum, but that’d ultimately be pointless in the long run. You see, at this point in time, I’d be lying if I tried to convince you that Knife Party has anything even remotely interesting to offer for non-fans. Sure,
100% No Modern Talking wasn’t all that bad, even if it was just dumb party music you could get lost in. However, that was three years ago. Everything the duo has put out since has been boring, mediocre, or just flat-out garbage. But as awful as their previous work is, it pales in comparison to the monstrosity they've had in store. Because now, Knife Party have released their first full-length album, ironically entitled
Abandon Ship. And it’s every bit as bland, unoriginal, and painful to listen to as you’d expect.
In all honesty, not every song is entirely irredeemable. Opener “Reconnect” has a relatively pleasant synth melody thrown in, and even the monologue is bearable. “Begin Again” does have a fairly catchy albeit cheesy vocal melody, and “Resistance” works well enough as a pump-up track. “Give It Up” has a decent enough bass drop, although it is ruined partially by the useless pseudo-reggae elements. But then, there are tracks like “Boss Mode”, with its annoying vocals and fruitless muddling about, and the god-awful “Micropenis”, with its awkwardly-placed vocal samples making you question whether the song is an unfunny joke or just a poorly executed experiment in excess. Everything else is your run-of-the-mill generic electro-house/brostep type of party music, but with a lack of the charm and staying power that’s so essential to good EDM. It tries to be interesting and dynamic, but comes off as a jumbled, inconsistent mess.
But what is it then that makes the album worthy of such a low rating? After all, it shouldn’t seem to be anything worse than below average dubstep. Here’s the thing, though: As awful as their previous release
Haunted House was, it had the decency to be mercifully short.
Abandon Ship is over
fifty minutes long. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. Rob Swire and Gareth McGrillen have somehow found a way to take the various atrocities of their previous work and stretch them out across a nearly hour-long timespan. If
Haunted House was like waking up hung over, then
Abandon Ship is the aural equivalent of choking on your own vomit.
Ultimately, Knife Party’s biggest problem (besides their blatantly unoriginal style) is the fact that they can never seem to decide what tone their music is aiming for. It feels too loud and over-the-top during supposedly subtle moments, and by the time the buildup reaches some sort of remotely sufficient climax, all the energy and aggression feels tired and worn out. And instead of trying to remedy this by changing up the music in any way, the band instead opts to take the same monotonous beats and drops and repeat them over and over again. Even the better tracks (“Begin Again”, “Give It Up”) drag on well past their welcome. Truth be told, if you’re a Knife Party fan, you’ll probably love this as much as their previous work. But you’ve probably already made up your mind at that point. As for anybody else: Literally any other brostep/electro-house album will suffice. Hell, even
Recess is less of a chore to listen to than this. Because with
Abandon Ship, Knife Party have established the new standard for soulless, vapid club music. Congratulations, gentlemen. You’ve somehow managed to make Skrillex look appealing.
