[QUOTE=Tillius]I doubt it.
Many guys have this kinda paranoia about their girls.[/QUOTE]

Did u read that huge message i just wrote.

Yeah. Doesn't seem like much is wrong.

[QUOTE=Destined_for].....[/QUOTE]
keep doing that and you'll have good reason to be paranoid

[QUOTE=mmfan486]OK chap... this is what you need to do, having read both your posts.

Firstly, you need to figure out which way round the letters go in "that." It was really irritating trying to read that post at the top of the page. Next, learn about paragraphs. Formal for a message board, sure, but you have no idea how easier your posts would be to read if you broke them up a little bit.

Now, this is going to hurt, but I need to tell you this: Stay away from her. If she's freaked out by you, then calling her, talking to her, or in any way trying to contact her through myspace or anything like that is only going to make matters worse. Whether you love her or not... well you've told her now, and she knows it. She probably won't forget any of this. See where I'm going? THERE IS NO NEED TO TELL HER AGAIN!!!

Honestly I think things have got bad enough to the extent that it's not worth having her in your life, and it's not worth her having you in hers. She needs... ok I'm going to go all insensitive again but this is the truth. You say you want to be her friend and make her as happy as you can, and the fact of the matter is that she doesn't need you right now. She needs a friend who's slightly less ****ed up, (It's not your fault you're ****ed up, it just happened that way because of the break-up,) because this can't be easy for her either and she needs to talk to someone with a clear head. In fact I'm half expecting to see a post from her on this very thread any minute now.

The danger, of course, is this: If you completely shun contact with her, bridges will be burned and will be very hard to repair. If you let her go now, it's unlikely that you'll ever go out again or even be friends again. This has happened to me, though on a less dramatic scale. You might not speak to her again. But from the way things are looking right about now, that may be the better option.

You've totally screwed this up man, and I say that with sympathy rather than spite. It's not going to be easy to recover from this, like you said. But whatever you do, don't go making matters worse. Niether of you needs it right now.

Post back in about a week and tell us how you're getting on.[/QUOTE]


Thing is,that she sometimes has headaches where she can't control what she says and she says sorry to me all the time.I accept those apologies because I know she means it.

She not completely freaked out by me and i don't think she's at all freaked out by me...she just gets mad that i want to know the little things that she's doing..

Why would I try and make matters worse? I'm not gonna bother her about "us" anymore. I feel at ease when i'm with her...she makes me forget how bad i feel of doing what i did...i'm just not gonna let her go...i can't leave her alone since she hardly has anymore friends now.She told me she cherished her friendships with people...

[QUOTE=mmfan486]To summarise my last post in 2 sentences:

Don't try to make things better. You'll only make them worse.[/QUOTE]

Agreed. And on the subject of her friends, those aren't very good friends, so I wouldn't worry about it being all your fault.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Agreed. And on the subject of her friends, those aren't very good friends, so I wouldn't worry about it being all your fault.[/QUOTE]
123'd

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]Agreed. And on the subject of her friends, those aren't very good friends, so I wouldn't worry about it being all your fault.[/QUOTE]


How will things get worse? I jsut can't seem them getting worse..

[QUOTE=man_with_bass]How will things get worse? I jsut can't seem them getting worse..[/QUOTE]

If you slip and say anything about the "us" factor, they will get worse.

[QUOTE=Chaindrive]If you slip and say anything about the "us" factor, they will get worse.[/QUOTE]


That's exactly what i'm trying to avoid...cuz it hurts us both.I don't want to leave her without any friends so it's the most i can do for her.

[QUOTE=Tillius]Yeah. Doesn't seem like much is wrong.[/QUOTE]


Ya i agree.

I just need some mind exercises or something.

Ugh

This is annoying me :(

EDIT: Being paranoid sucks.

Im posting this for a friends, you guys know I have no problems posting my problems so here it is-

him and this girl are in a wierd situation, shes my ex(thats not an issue though), and he wants to go out with her, and he asked her out, she gave him stuff about how she wanted time, okay. So, they talk alot, and she says I love you and stuff, and i think, from what i've heard, that she wants to go out, and so does he, but she said she'll tell him when she's ready, but its been like a month, and it seems like shes not interested, to me. Should i tell him to tell her "Hey, listen, if theres no "us" in the near future, you need to tell me" and some stuff about leading him on? whould that be right?

[QUOTE=The Fonz]Im posting this for a friends, you guys know I have no problems posting my problems so here it is-

him and this girl are in a wierd situation, shes my ex(thats not an issue though), and he wants to go out with her, and he asked her out, she gave him stuff about how she wanted time, okay. So, they talk alot, and she says I love you and stuff, and i think, from what i've heard, that she wants to go out, and so does he, but she said she'll tell him when she's ready, but its been like a month, and it seems like shes not interested, to me. Should i tell him to tell her "Hey, listen, if theres no "us" in the near future, you need to tell me" and some stuff about leading him on? whould that be right?[/QUOTE]
You could do that. Here's something else you could do, though.

Tell her that this guy's your friend, and you're gonna be there for him, and that you believe that she may be leading him on. HE needs to see what's up, though. Kinda to confirm the things you're hearing about her wanting to go out.

Well, she told him that she wanted to. But since then I've heard that she was making out with college guys and such(from her) and she very flirty though, so that mightnt mean anything. alright though, thanks ,I'll try and use that.

So, as some people know me and my girlfriend have been having issues lately, and since you don't know what they are I guess it's explination time.

Basically, it's a very one sided relationship. Me being the one side. I have to do all the attempting to fix things. And these things that need/needed fixing was basically us talking. I don't know why but she kind of stopped talking ot me for a while, and then after we talked about it for a bit (This talk was instigated by me) things have been progressively getting better.

Now, today, apparently my friend overheard her telling her friend she was planning on breaking up with me tomorrow.

This is now where the one sided thing comes in. So far, all the big steps taken in the relationship have been started by me. And even most of the small ones have been as well. She hasn't even expressed any problem to me since the last talk. And I really wish she would, because I don't know what I'm supposed to do to help the problem if I don't even know what the problem is..

So, I just called her, well actually I got her to call me, but anyways, and we talked for a bit. I was planning on asking her if what my friend says he heard was true, but she started talking a lot and it was just nice that we were talking a lot in the first place so i got side tracked for a bit. Once I got it back in my head that I had to ask her she started talking about us hanging out a lot more in the future and stuff. I don't know if that's supposed to be hanging out as a couple, or just friends, but after that I couldn't bring myself to ask her.

As a side note: I'm her first boyfriend, and I didn't know this until recently. I'll feel extremely bad if I do anything remotely mean to her, as I don't want to ruin her feelings towards relationships.

To be honest I don't know where I'm going with all this. I'm just kind of rambling for now. I guess some input wouldn't hurt as well. Even though I already know what I should do for the most part.

[QUOTE=Tillius]True true.
As men, we can be idiots quite often.


BTW, I tried that trick you told me and failed miserably. :lol:[/QUOTE]

What trick?

[QUOTE=Destined_for]It really is. Thats why im wondering if its a disorder.

Here is something i wrote for her and its a poem, here is what she wrote.

I wrote: I am so in love with you.
I would do anything to make you happy
I would do anyting so you would not feel one drop of sadness
Your the most beatuiful girl ever. No exceptions.
I love you with all my heart and all my soul.
Your The best Thing that has ever happened to me.
Your everything i ever dreamed about and wanted in a girl.
I cant stop thinking about you baby.
I just love you so much.
And i want to be with you forever.
I just Love you so much!
You make me feel like the happest guy ever.
I want to hold you and never let go.
I will always be here for you, in times of good and bad.
I love you so damn much.
You have the coolest personality ever. Hands down.
You are my love.
And i love you with all my heart.
Forever

I wrote this poem about you.

I just love you so much.

She wrote: babe your so ****in cute i love you so damn much!

I wrote: And i really mean all the things i said in the poem.
I love you so much.
So ****ing much.
You have no clue how much i love and care about you.
I would do anything for you.
I love u so so so so so so so so so so so so Much!!!!!!
And hopefully we can hang out this weekend cuz i really want to see you so bad!
I love you with all my heart!
Have a good day babe!
Muah!


She wrote: babe your soo cute!
I wouldnt trade you for the world!
your amazing!!
I love you soooooo much!
yeah i really hope i get to see you this weekend too.
I LOVEYOU I LOVEYOU I LOVEYOU


I know that this is no reason to be paranoid.
My mind is just playing tricks on me.[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but that was really hard to read. Things may be fine now, but you really need to lean back and do your d[size=2]a[/size]mndest to avoid sounding needy and clingy.

Remember Han Solo?

"I love you."
"I know."

If you continue to act so sentimentally over-the-top, she's going to get sick of it in a hurry. You don't want that. Just lean back... take it easy... and tease her a little. Flirt with her like when you first started dating her. Be witty, charming, funny, exciting. But don't go into the whole Lord Byron wannabe routine.

[QUOTE=The Fonz]......[/QUOTE]
yeah waiting around for a chick while she's off with other guys

real attractive

tell him to stop. none of this "hey i need to know if anything's gonna happen". it doesn't really sound like she wants anything exclusive so she's not going to get with him if he's just going to get all attatched.

solution: he does what she's doing

flirting and seeing other people i mean

not making out with college guys

unless he's into that

[QUOTE=Fire Whispers]To be honest I don't know where I'm going with all this. I'm just kind of rambling for now. I guess some input wouldn't hurt as well. Even though I already know what I should do for the most part.[/QUOTE]

You're not going ot ruin relationships for her unless she's just that unstable.

And personally, a one-sided relationship is something to avoid. For some reason, there are these women who get into their heads that the guy should be doing all the give and her doing all the take because it's a stereotype negatively reinforced by a society dumb enough to believe it. All the while, these women end up wondering why their relationships always end badly, and I just sit there thinking "Could it be because you keep sticking to the omegas when your biological impulse is to seek an alpha male?"

I'm not accusing you of being one of those doormats. But a line needs to be drawn in every relationship.

my gf broke up with me over the phone and didnt tell me why

[QUOTE=Naminator]my gf broke up with me over the phone and didnt tell me why[/QUOTE]

Context please? If we don't know the whole story, what are we supposed to say?

[QUOTE=Steerpike]What trick?



I'm sorry, but that was really hard to read. Things may be fine now, but you really need to lean back and do your d[size=2]a[/size]mndest to avoid sounding needy and clingy.

Remember Han Solo?

"I love you."
"I know."

If you continue to act so sentimentally over-the-top, she's going to get sick of it in a hurry. You don't want that. Just lean back... take it easy... and tease her a little. Flirt with her like when you first started dating her. Be witty, charming, funny, exciting. But don't go into the whole Lord Byron wannabe routine.[/QUOTE]

Okay thanks. I dont even want to be clingy or attached to her at all because then it hurts more when we break up. Ill just relax and take it easy. Because nothing is bad. Everything is good.

Do i have the right idea?


EDIT: I know i went over the top on everything. Like the "i love you thing"

[QUOTE=Steerpike]You're not going ot ruin relationships for her unless she's just that unstable.

And personally, a one-sided relationship is something to avoid. For some reason, there are these women who get into their heads that the guy should be doing all the give and her doing all the take because it's a stereotype negatively reinforced by a society dumb enough to believe it. All the while, these women end up wondering why their relationships always end badly, and I just sit there thinking "Could it be because you keep sticking to the omegas when your biological impulse is to seek an alpha male?"

I'm not accusing you of being one of those doormats. But a line needs to be drawn in every relationship.[/QUOTE]
I know that. I just feel bad.

I'm trying to make it into a not one sided realtionship, but apparently I won't have the chance to. I don't even know if it's worth trying anymore.

I know not to be a doormat. It's not that she's walking all over me, it's kind of hard to walk all over me when I'm the one doing everything anyways :-\

PS: It's nice to see that you're back dishing out the advice again :)

[QUOTE=I Am a Hat]yeah waiting around for a chick while she's off with other guys

real attractive

tell him to stop. none of this "hey i need to know if anything's gonna happen". it doesn't really sound like she wants anything exclusive so she's not going to get with him if he's just going to get all attatched.

solution: he does what she's doing

flirting and seeing other people i mean

not making out with college guys

unless he's into that[/QUOTE]


:lol:( to mr. hat, not tillius)


Wait, Tillius, just now?

[QUOTE=The Fonz]:lol:( to mr. hat, not tillius)


Wait, Tillius, just now?[/QUOTE]
If you mean the phone break up, that's not Mitch.

[QUOTE=Fire Whispers]If you mean the phone break up, that's not Mitch.[/QUOTE]


Oh.. i guess i read wrong, my bad.

ohhhh, they have similary looking avatars at a glace, whoopsies. But still, what happened?

Okay thanks. I dont even want to be clingy or attached to her at all because then it hurts more when we break up. Ill just relax and take it easy. Because nothing is bad. Everything is good.

Do i have the right idea Steerpike?

EDIT: How can i raise my self-esteem. Apprently this is related to my jealousy

[QUOTE=Destined_for]Okay thanks. I dont even want to be clingy or attached to her at all because then it hurts more when we break up. Ill just relax and take it easy. Because nothing is bad. Everything is good.

Do i have the right idea?


EDIT: I know i went over the top on everything. Like the "i love you thing"[/QUOTE]

That's one way of looking at it. I prefer to think of it as "Okay, here's my problems right. How can I get those out of the way? Which ones can't I fix so I can stop worrying about them?" From there it's just prioritizing getting the biggest and/or most immediate ones out of the way first.

I also take stock of what I managed to accomplish and check it off the to-do list.

That way, negative or positive, at least I'm being productive with my time, so in the end I don't have a bitter taste in my mouth at the end of the day.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]That's one way of looking at it. I prefer to think of it as "Okay, here's my problems right. How can I get those out of the way? Which ones can't I fix so I can stop worrying about them?" From there it's just prioritizing getting the biggest and/or most immediate ones out of the way first.

I also take stock of what I managed to accomplish and check it off the to-do list.

That way, negative or positive, at least I'm being productive with my time, so in the end I don't have a bitter taste in my mouth at the end of the day.[/QUOTE]

That made me feel so much better
Here is my list

1. Not to worry and get attached to her. (i still worry when i trust her) )but how can i do this)
2. Not be clingy
3. Have some fun with her and to relax
4. Take everything easy.

That's a good list and should help your problem.

[QUOTE=Destined_for]EDIT: How can i raise my self-esteem. Apprently this is related to my jealousy[/QUOTE]

For one thing, don't let other people opinions define you. You need to focus on where you want to go, what you want to be and interalize that.

If someone disapproves of you, take one moment to consider "Is it because I really did do something uncouth or unacceptable, or is it just that they personally don't like that sort of thing?" If it's the former, put a little effort into that. If it's the latter, wave it off.

Also, learn some new skills. Enjoy the process of learning, and appreciate the fact that as a beginner you have a unique viewpoint on all subjects you approach.

Customize your living space into an inner sanctum. You'd be surprised how cheap that can be.

Posters - average about $2 apiece
Paint - $10-20 for an average-sized bedroom
Decorative knick-knacks - anywhere between 50 cents and $10

Find a theme you like, and go with that. For example, I have a love of Japanese culture and various esoteric subjects. Since I couldn't paint my dorm room, I opted to cover the walls with posters (a total of $5), a pair of wall scroll ($10, purchased on a vacation 6 years ago), two corkboards ($6 at Office Depot), an Iron Maiden textile poster (Christmas gift), four plush Cthulhus (been collecting them since 2002 anyway), a dragon fountain (again, Christmas), and just my guitar in a visible place. I also used the two ten-gallon storage bins I keep for transporting stuff to and from home as an endtable by stacking them on top of each other and draping a throw over them. To finish it off, I lit the room by hanging a Japanese lantern ($4 at Target) from one of the exposed pipes in the ceiling.

Now, I feel very at-home in the dorm, and it makes me feel like more of an independent individual. By making your territory a very personal self-expression, you feel even less need to have validation from people outside of you.

These are just some of the little things you can do.

[QUOTE=Steerpike]For one thing, don't let other people opinions define you. You need to focus on where you want to go, what you want to be and interalize that.

If someone disapproves of you, take one moment to consider "Is it because I really did do something uncouth or unacceptable, or is it just that they personally don't like that sort of thing?" If it's the former, put a little effort into that. If it's the latter, wave it off.

Also, learn some new skills. Enjoy the process of learning, and appreciate the fact that as a beginner you have a unique viewpoint on all subjects you approach.

Customize your living space into an inner sanctum. You'd be surprised how cheap that can be.

Posters - average about $2 apiece
Paint - $10-20 for an average-sized bedroom
Decorative knick-knacks - anywhere between 50 cents and $10

Find a theme you like, and go with that. For example, I have a love of Japanese culture and various esoteric subjects. Since I couldn't paint my dorm room, I opted to cover the walls with posters (a total of $5), a pair of wall scroll ($10, purchased on a vacation 6 years ago), two corkboards ($6 at Office Depot), an Iron Maiden textile poster (Christmas gift), four plush Cthulhus (been collecting them since 2002 anyway), a dragon fountain (again, Christmas), and just my guitar in a visible place. I also used the two ten-gallon storage bins I keep for transporting stuff to and from home as an endtable by stacking them on top of each other and draping a throw over them. To finish it off, I lit the room by hanging a Japanese lantern ($4 at Target) from one of the exposed pipes in the ceiling.

Now, I feel very at-home in the dorm, and it makes me feel like more of an independent individual. By making your territory a very personal self-expression, you feel even less need to have validation from people outside of you.

These are just some of the little things you can do.[/QUOTE]

Thanks. A lot.
Well i really like metal music so i might go buy some posters.
I really tend not to care what people think of me.
if they dont like me its not my fault. They dont accept me for who i am.
i also want to learn a new langauge. I want to learn Norweigan. Where do u think i could learn it?