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Last Active 01-05-23 6:04 pm
Joined 05-30-20

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05.25.25 Gene's belated 2024 list ♦02.09.25 trying to watch tv with my gf
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11.21.23 23 2023 sub-2307.25.23 fine, i'll also make a mid-year list
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01.26.23 what are you playing now?01.23.23 REVIEWING your worst REVIEWS ♦
01.01.23 Gene's 2022 Bash: Full Throttle ♦06.25.22 these damn covers
04.11.22 Users REVIEWED ♦02.24.22 gene's 2021 gigathread. shit's going do
02.23.22 gene's gone nuts: 2021 honourable menti01.28.22 21 2021 sub-21
01.23.22 Gene is EP-keen: 2021 whatever ♦12.26.21 global warming general thread
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REVIEWING your worst REVIEWS

SandwichBubble made a thread where you submitted your worst reviews, now I'll try to see how bad they really are. Here is SanBu's thread: https://www.sputnikmusic.com/list.php?listid=202291
1Flower Travellin Band
Satori

SandwichBubble
why you hate it: cause you felt like the album needed it and felt obliged to write it, however forced it read. as a result you poured out some questionable formatting, pointless trivia, trite observations etc
should you?: hate is a strong feeling, but we are our own worst critics (unless we are narcissists). it's clunky, but not the worst. the circumstances of you writing it as a rushed May 23rd joke excuse the quality a teeny tiny bit. for the future, maybe don't start talking about the actual album about halfway through, unless there is a good reason for that. check formatting, a good paragraph is between 4 and 8 sentences long. it overall reads a little amateur, something i'd have expected you to write as your first reviewing attempt.
rating: no satori this time, maybe next time/5
2Baroness
Yellow and Green

Kompys2000
why you hate it: written under pressure, while real life was weighing down, making you feel like you haven't produced your best work
should you?: odd to hear a staff writer dissatisfied with most of his work. i get what you mean with going into many directions, i did feel like the focus was somewhat lost several times, especially with how long the review was. but its length was really my main issue. it reads quite tedious. there's also something about the sections of the review being more opulent in size than others. the finish is just an onslaught of words that are exhilarating. but it's not bad. i still got the point(s) and felt generally entertained the whole way through. and who am i to give Kompys corrections. it's a decent review, sufficiently wordy for an anniversary piece.
rating: long legal document with a twist/5
3Earth Crisis
Slither

Storm In A Teacup
why you hate it: written as an early covid panic
should you?: pretty much reads as an early covid panic. i like those subtle-not-subtle nods that you are losing your mind due to lockdown. it's all so very uneven and messy. chaotic piece for chaotic times. kinda makes sense to look at it as a relic of time, but i get why you hate it.
rating: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggghg/5
4Norma Jean
O' God, the Aftermath

twlight
why you hate it: you find it cringe and think there are some bad takes
should you?: this reads like something you said out loud and then transcribed to text unchanged. too many repeating words, too much running in circles with your comparisons and attempts at contextualising, too many derivative sentences. a good chunk of this could use a trim, but then you'd end up with three mid-range paragraphs. those by themselves are not bad, just don't really delve far beneath the surface. it all boils down to "this is enjoyable, because it is enjoyable, therefore it is enjoyable.
rating: Norma Jean's mother/5
5Banks Arcade
Future Lovers

Manatea
why you hate it: a confused, chaotic early review
should you?: yeah, early attempts syndrome all over this. undercooked structure, awkward lead-in and finish, poor formatting, superficial takes, the whole package. it's a good look at what one's writing was like at first, especially compared to your more recent reviews that (although could benefit from better formatting and expanded observations) are much more cohesive
rating: broken arcade game/5
6Fucked Up
Dose Your Dreams

CugnoBrasso
why you hate it: just doesn't like how it reads, EASL to blame?
should you?: "8 out of 8 thought this review was well written" should probably tell you enough. at worst, this is an overly dry recap of the band and the album. a bit simplistic in its structure, with sentences that could use a tweak or two every now and again. just overall dry and bland. but mane, if that's your worst offence, then we good
rating: chill out, not that bad/5
7MUNA
About U

Dewinged
why you hate it: personal ahtred and the album deserves better
should you?: with anyone else, i'd say it's as good a review as any. we are still an amateur site, after all. but i must take into consideration the typically high calibre of writing Dewinged spawns. even after cutting some slack for being an early review. it's more of a "trying to meet the monthly quotas" situation
rating: look how far you've come since then/5
8Muzz
Muzz

someone
why you hate it: claims of worst review ever
should you?: you absolutely should. kill yourself, why don't you
rating: disgrace/5
9Kayo Dot
Moss Grew on the Swords and Plowshares Alike

JohnnyoftheWell
why you hate it: too long, inconsistent, overly eager hype and lack of focus, apparently
should you?: you're at your best when he tackles the mesmerising worlds of silliness and self-imposed memeology. this Kayo Dot rev is a little too self serious for its own good. sure, you're a good writer, but trying to be an honest-to-god RollingStone type reviewer makes your words come off dry
rating: it's still Johnny, folks/5
10Dream Theater
Awake

Parallels
why you hate it: a tbt with too many low-tier jokes, messy narrative and lack of focus
should you?: not actually the tbt i expected. there is a certain flow here and the review follows a decent structure. it kinda leans a little into expecting the readers to already be well familiar with Dream Theater's style. spends too much time going into tedious detail, before fizzling out in a surprisingly rushed ending.
rating: trim could work, but it's not bad/5
11Deathmoth Necromachine
Grim Void

pizzamachine
why you hate it: apparently it's all bullshit
should you?: joke reviews shall not be tolerated (unless funny)
rating: not even an actual machine for pizzas/5
12Melanie Martinez
Cry Baby

Sinternet
why you hate it: sloppiness
should you?: i see what you mean with it being sloppy. this reads mostly like an outline of a review, where the every paragraph is awaiting expansion.
rating: first draft/5
13Pet The Preacher
The Cave and The Sunlight

Flugmorph
why you hate it: according to Flug, it should be quite clear as to why this review is bad. we'll just have to see
should you?: a little presumptuous at times (why the Denmark remark?) and certainly disjointed. it's like you're saying things circulating around this album, but nothing actually connects here. quite the odd pacing. It picks up in the second half before quickly dissipating into awkward finish again. i can see your dissatisfaction, but you only wrote this one review. why not give it another shot?
rating: you've made your mistakes, now go learn from them/5
14TotorRo
Home Alone

AsleepInTheBack
why you hate it: awkward and formulaic
should you?: i can definitely see what you mean. the whole thing reads as a force of necessity rather than genuine interest. a brief text hurled out in a quick session so that the album gets traction. the final coffee story is indeed clunky and makes one question your focus completely. then again, you've still managed to get your point across and create discourse, so...
rating: if that's your worst, what's your best?/5
15Hath
Of Rot And Ruin

Egarran
why you hate it: reasons not provided
should you?: the wretched piece that made Eg want to write and subsequently never write again. it's an outline for sure, far from a full review. a series of observations more like. it reads as somebody's first knee-jerk impulses of thought spilled onto a page and hastily posted. but maybe if you slept on it, thought it through thoroughly, then tried to expand on your points and observations, you'd get somewhere fuller. maybe still not quite there yet, but closer.
rating: outline/5
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