Review Summary: The Orwells are here and give no fucks. Neither should you.
I arrived at Mix Brick Oven Pizzeria and Bar at the corner of 21st and Chestnut in the Rittenhouse Square neighborhood of my native Philadelphia, one block away from the First Unitarian Church. The Church is an actual church where people do religion things like pray, sing, eat Jesus wafers and drink wine. But in recent years, it's been struggling to stay open. As a result, the Church started renting out it's basement to R5 Productions, a local concert promotion agency in Philly. Lots of punk bands play the makeshift concert venue, which (because it's a church) lacks a bar, proper ventilation, and a dedicated area for merchandise sales, making for a real DIY atmosphere. But tonight I had tickets to see FIDLAR, with support from some band who's name was either The Orphans or The Otters ...or something like that. I sat down with my friend as we munched down on our delicious margherita pizza when a few punkish looking dudes walked into the restaurant, one of whom had stupid-looking long blonde hair. They looked like they were in a band. "Those guys over there look like they could be in the opening band," I said to my friend, thinking they were possibly grabbing a bite to eat before the show like we were. "Maybe," he responded, uninterested, before taking another sip of his Magic Hat #9. So we kept eating.
Fast forward about an hour or so, and I'm right up front waiting for The Orphans to come out. Eventually, out came the guys we saw in Mix, namely the clownish looking fellow with the Sebastian Bach hair. Before I could think, it happened: "bown dono ner ner ner, bown dono ner ner ner boooowwwn." It was the first couple notes of the song I later came to realize was called "Mallrats (La La La)," and from that moment I was hooked. The next 40 minutes were complete with sweat, bruises, getting kicked in the head by crowd surfers, an Iggy and the Stooges cover, and several beers dumped on my head (Like I said, the Church doesn't have a bar so contraband like beer usually has a blind eye turned to it, as long as it's in a can and not a bottle). But this show was just the beginning.
By the end of the night, FIDLAR had put on a mind-numbingly great show as well, but the main thing on my mind was how badly I had to check out more of that Otters band. I gave myself the night to recuperate from the post-show punk rock beating my body took, and the next morning listened to more of the opening band's stuff, whom by this point I had found out was actually named The Orwells, not The Ottomans. At that time, the band only had their debut album,
Remember When, out, which was a killer low-fi punk album. But could they top it?
Throw
Disgraceland onto your turntable, and at about 18 and a half seconds into album you'll hear lead singer/clownish-looking-guy Mario Cuomo belt the following words into your earhole: "Drink by drink, I think I'm thinkin' / Why won't you hang with me this weekend? / I can't talk and I can't dance / Give me a smile and then take off your pants." At this point your question is answered: Yes, they've topped it.
But the madness doesn't stop there. You go through the album and realize it's a flurry of non-stop moshers like "Dirty Sheets," the sex-filled rocker about the frustrating feeling of getting it in at night, but waking up to realize she left before the morning sex could happen. That song is followed by "Bathroom Tile Blues," The Orwells' attempt at an outside-the-box less-punky-and-more-bluesy, melancholic jam. And it totally works. "Another vacant room / I'm not ***ting you / I've got the bathroom tile blues / A bunch of empty bottles / Bunch of perfect models / It's the best that I can do," the chorus cries.
"Gotta Get Down" is the next track and my personal favorite on the album. A catchy guitar riff starts the song but later gives way to a ***-this-is-so-juicy bass riff from Grant Brinner for Cuomo to sing the following lyrics over top of: "I wanna get stupid / I wanna get limb / I wanna have faith in / something I don't get." But it gets heavy in the chorus when you almost start to worry for Cuomo's mental well-being as he sings seemingly suicidal lyrics such as "My daddy's got a twelve gauge / I hope I don't find it."
But then there's
Disgraceland's single. Cuomo has stated in interviews that he doesn't follow what's going on in the realm of politics, which is surprising given the lyrics in "Who Needs You." The song incorporates lines such as "You better pledge allegiance / You're not the only one," "Listen up forefathers / I'm not your son," and "You better join the army / I said 'no thank you dear old Uncle Sam.'" The song managed to make it's way onto an Apple commercial*, with the following controversial line seemingly edited out: "You better burn that flag / Cause it ain't against the law." This is because The Orwells say and do what they want, and if some company wants their music to sell the latest innovation in the market for semiconductor-infused technological devices mass produced by overworked 8-year-olds in a Chinese sweatshop, it's going to have to take the good with the bad and bleep out what it has to ***ing bleep out.
Since that night at The First Unitarian Church, I've seen the band several times. The best was when the guys happened to be in London, England at the same time I was studying in the city through Temple University's Study Abroad program. Luckily, I was able to catch their show at the Electric Ballroom in Camden Town. The show was so rowdy that the venue forbid the band from playing an encore. The venue's restriction led to guitarist Dominic Corso yelling "*** You!" at each individual security guard for not "doing their jobs," and ended with Cuomo stealing a fire extinguisher from backstage and spraying it all over the stage out of spite. The show was so awesome that I decided to see them the next night in Bristol at The Fleece, where Mario Cuomo decided to lick my phone* while I filmed him singing "Who Needs You." I later stole the set list off the stage after the show.
Are there some
meh songs on the album? Sure. "Norman" is kinda slow and "North Ave." I could do without, both of which keep the record from getting a 5 rating. But for five bored kids from the Chicago 'burbs, this is the best punk album you're going to get from 2014. It's probably even better than Against Me!'s
Transgender Dysphoria Blues, which is also ridiculously awesome and more than deserving of a shout out. But not quite as awesome as this.
Now, all we have to do is hope. I don't mean to scare anyone, but punk rock is riddled with bands that only release one great album before breaking up (see The Germs and Johnny Thunders & the Heartbreakers). If The Orwells followed suit, it would likely be the worst case of musical blue balls since The Sex Pistols only released one album and broke up. The good news is The Orwells haven't given any indication of ending the band anytime soon, and it's clear they have a ton of fun on tour. So do them a favor and buy their records, shirts, and concert tickets because they deserve it. Also they're reaching the age where they can legally buy beer now, so they'll probably need money for that.
*That Apple Commercial:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROZhrRm88ms
*Mario Cuomo licking my phone:
https://instagram.com/p/vrgw_Djc9J/?modal=true
