Review Summary: A musical Holocaust
Roger Water’s father didn’t die for this
The Nostalgic Critic (Real name: Douglas Walker) is/was one of the most popular content creators on the internet. Captivating audiences with his fast paced and wild humour, he built a name for himself reviewing films and tv shows from the 80s and 90s that haven’t aged too well. The Critic built an empire, with several other reviewers joining him on the site ‘Channel Awesome’ where they would also post their own content. But then, something happened. Walker lost interest. And people lost their respect. It would take hours to detail the fallout Doug and the site received after the ‘Not So Awesome’ document was released. A mass exodus from the site occurred and dozens of accusations of mismanagement, harassment, bullying and even rape were thrown at the site and a select few members. But the critic continued on as if nothing was amiss, which along with criticism aimed at his rapidly changing style (more focus on skits, less focus on the film and his commentary) led to many fans dropping him altogether. Yet Doug powered on. His review of The Wall was released in late 2019 and along with it came an album, a “parody” as Doug would call it. It bombed. Hard. Let’s see how that’s the case.
To make a parody, you first have to understand the source material. Otherwise, you’ll be fumbling in the dark. You’d think a man who bills himself as a critic would understand the complexities and background of a film like the Wall, in order to give it a fair billing. Doug, however, either doesn’t get the plot and its context, or simply chooses not too so he can make a couple of cheap jokes. He chooses the latter in this case, so the entire album is filled to the brim with inaccuracies, intentional or not. These range from minor (saying the film bombed and was forgotten when in reality it did fairly well at the box office and is fondly regarded to this date), to completely infuriating (saying ‘Another Brick In The Wall: Part 2’ is a whiny song about how school sucks, completely missing the point that it’s based on the brutality of the English school system in the mid 20th century). Doug probably knows this, but he chooses to ignore it. Speaking of Doug, he’s not a singer yet he chooses to grace the entire project with his wonderful voice. Roger Waters is hardly a solid singer but Walker makes him sound like an angel here. Like his comedy, Doug resorts to screeching loudly in an attempt to incite a laugh. It quickly becomes incredibly grating, and the poor mixing makes half of his genius lyrics almost indecipherable. Either that or he sings as flatly and dull as humanly possible on the slower tracks.
Musically, the songs are backed with cheap tinny sounding recreations of the classic Floyd songs Doug is attempting to wring a laugh out of. YouTube Musician Rob Scallon handles the instrumentation here and admittedly does a fairly solid job at recreating the songs (he even adds a few guitar flourishes to the end of ‘Another Brick Part 2’ that weren’t present on the original song). While his takes on the songs are faithful, they frequently sound cheap and processed, as if run through a midi keyboard half the time. The mixing is also frequently shoddy with Doug either being too high in the mix or too low, and his sloppy awkward vocals don’t help things much. There is one track that actually seems to feel slightly natural and stiff and of all things it’s a cover of the Spongebob theme song sung by COREY ***ING TAYLOR. For some inexplicable reason, the lead singer of one of the most successful and popular metal bands on the face of the earth decided to lend his talents to this fine piece of art (Taylor and his son prominently feature in the video review too). Funny how Slipknot released their best album since Iowa earlier in the year, yet here’s Corey taking part in this trainwreck of all things.
Suffice to say, Nostalgia Critic’s The Wall is a nightmare from start to finish. Be it the borderline offensive takes on classic Floyd tracks, the complete lack of humour and the sheer obnoxiousness that coats the entire record, you’d be hard pressed to find anything even vaguely good here. Scallon (Who I’m certain did this as a favour given how his girlfriend is a member of Doug’s crew) and Taylor didn’t have to dedicate their talents to this. But I’m sure Doug’s massive ego wouldn’t let them out. He probably has dirt on Corey. World War 1 could’ve been prevented. JFK’s assassination could’ve been prevented. THIS could’ve been prevented. But they happened and they’re forever stains on the human race’s legacy. At this point I’ve given up wondering why.
