Review Summary: "Symphonic pornogore from Italy". Yes, it's as bad as it sounds.
In a scenario where hundreds of thousands of local bands are trying to emerge, to elevate their status to a point where they won't be playing their shows only for their families and friends anymore, the struggle for crafting a relevant, original, appealing musical product is realer and fiercer than ever. So, while scrolling your average social media home page, or while watching videos on some well-known online platform, you may as well get recommendations about bizarre acts playing "Australian symphonic fantasy death metal", "American death slamming gore groove", or "Italian symphonic pornogore". Wait, what?
Yes, my friends. While all of the aforementioned subgenres sound unlikely to say the least (and the funny thing is, they are all actually real-existing stuff!), you have to admit that the latter pledges to be a special kind of bizarre. So here we are, year 2019, and we have these guys, called "Breethoven" (BREE. As the sound of a pig squeal. Hilarious), boasting the title of fathers of "symphonic pornogore". Now, I don't want to dwell on the musical validity of the term "pornogore" (I knew about "goregrind", "porngrind", "deathgrind", "powerviolence", and so on, but "pornogore" sounds to me like something devoid of any peculiarity), or try to guess what LSD trip may have induced someone into thinking that mixing grindcore with symphonic metal would lead to something actually cool. I'll just say that I have managed to listen to the full EP on YouTube (thankfully, it's just a ten minutes long affair), and I can assert that it's an atrocious auditive experience.
The first issue of "Bree che Dire" is the production. The guitar tone is absolutely muddy, and, during the fastest sessions, the guitars, the vocals, the bass and the drums all blend together, topped only by the keyboards, in a result that is nothing less than a damned cacophony. I don't expect a stellar production from and independent release, but, when you plan to record some music, you should actually make sure that the result is at least LISTENABLE. The keyboards again are especially terrible, as they honestly don't sound like keyboards, but like a goddamn TOY PIANO. Add the fact that they seem to play random notes over the rest of the instruments, and you'll start getting a vague idea of how painful this EP can be. I mean, guys of Breethoven, when I think to "orchestrations", I don't think to a toy piano playing childish, random arrangements. So, in the end, the band members weren't even able to pull off correctly their own (bad) idea of combining grindcore with symphonic metal. Sorry, but in all honesty you can't call this a "symphonic-anything" album.
Another big issue is the songrwriting, which is dispersive, uninteresting and chaotic. When I think to grindcore pulled off right, I think to intricate, lightspeed-fast tremolo picking and crunchy power chord based riffs. Once again, here we have nothing like that: the guitars spend the whole duration of the album playing rather simplistic and trivial riffs, based on scarce tremolo picking patterns and palm-muted power chords, sometimes accompanied by pinch harmonics. Add the fact that the vocals don't live up to expectations (all the song titles revolve around the onomatopoeia corresponding to the pig queal, yet there isn't A SINGLE pig squeal performed correctly for the whole duration of the EP. Oh, the irony!) and often result absolutely annoying, and that the drumming is definitely inadequate for a release of this kind, being characterized by poor, scarce blast beat sessions and simplistic drumming patterns, and you'll understand what I mean with the word "unlistenable" when I refer to this CD.
I understand the fact that these guys were trying to pull off something original and humorous "Ã* la Nanowar of Steel", relying on the humorous side of the compositions, but the result is unfortunately an abomination that isn't funny even in the slightest, and, as I stated above, the fact that they couldn't even pull off their own idea decently makes things even worse. One can only hope that possible future releases will be better than this.