Janelle Monae
Dirty Computer


0.5

Review

by DoofusWainwright USER (100 Reviews)
April 28th, 2018 | 723 replies


Release Date: 04/27/2018 | Tracklist

Review Summary: “Siri, can you clear all my google searches for ‘Dirty Computer’ when I die?”

A pop album such as this one resembles a product to me more than anything else...so a ‘track by track’ fits the bill. I’ll be skipping the interludes, so apologies in that regard. Onwards...

1. Dirty Computer - this title track is little more than an extended intro; lots of ‘baby’s, lots of sub-Flaming Lips swirly FX and harmonies. Brian Wilson gets a writing credit?Did he cough and I missed it?1/10

2. Crazy. Classic. Life - starts with a sample that has nothing to do with any of the lyrics or themes that follow in the song itself, so trend hopping as far as I’m concerned. Lyrics are vacuous platitudes and the tune itself is pedestrian with some Fleetwood Mac style ooh-ah backing vox which are sadly the best feature of the song. Monae finally kills this effort by breaking into her first rap of the album rhyming ‘sandals’ and ‘Rambo’. Probably her best rap on the album. 1.5/10

3. Take a Byte - geddit, take a...byte. Picking up the theme you see. This sounds like an MGMT song, I just can’t remember which one. Weak, disposable trash; Beck dropped a whole album of this rubbish last year, lest we forget god rest my soul. 1/10

4. Screwed - more of a rocker, but only as far as Lenny Kravitz is ‘rock’ so fear not, no one is going to spill their drink. She wants to get screwed at the ‘matinee’, at the ‘festival’, ‘like an animal’...that’s a ‘Downward Spiral’ Janelle. Song is harmless fluff but I'm calling it the best track so far. 3/10

5. Django Jane - ooh, the heavy rap track. It’s terrible, Monae has no talent for this. Karaoke quality. ‘Y’all! Y’all!’ Nah. 0.5/10

6. Pynk - the queen of vapid guff, Grimes, features. Dunno what she really adds, song is just a baby talk slog. The number of ‘baby’ lyrics reaches critical mass at this point in the album. Dull. 1/10

7. Make Me Feel - she’s using horse clip clop noises like you did in first grade...she’s the new Prince! This is so average I haven’t given up the possibility Prince’s corpse could still write a better song in 2018. 5/10

8. I Got the Juice - this is one of those songs with so much ‘featured artist’ influence I don’t get much of ‘Janelle’ from it. ‘I got juice between my thighs - if you try to grab my pussy...cat’. She’s turned into an Austin Powers one-liner. 3/10

9. I Like That - I get some personality from the lyrics more on this song, but the music is so tepid and the vocal melodies are permanently locked in this uninteresting ‘safe zone’. A very uneventful song, if you were feeling kind you could label it ‘chill’ at a real push. 3.5/10

10. Don’t Judge Me - sweet if uninspiring uber-bland soul love song. Twinkly and old school, you wouldn’t kick it out of bed but...again it’s boring, and nothing new. At all.
5/10

11. So Afraid - very sing-songy dull tra-la-la vocal melodies with equally wandering guitar melodies and a cheesy chorus of bored sounding backing vocals. It sounds like a certain sort of late album track. The sort where you start thinking ‘what else can I listen to?'. Still, at least it’s not the very last song - that’d be tragic. 2/10

12. Americans - hoo, there’s life in that ‘Dirty Computer’ yet. This song at least tries. Real hard. I mean really hard. Lyrics are so inane in this tune - every political diatribe cliche is wheeled out. A last desperate attempt to apply a theme to this album - sure enough here comes another sample that sounds totally lost in the context of the album as a whole. It’s obvious, it’s a bit tacky, it’s a sentiment that’s hard to disagree with but...what does it add to the album?Not a whole lot. 2.5/10

So there we have it, a polite and insipid pop/soul album with a side order of amateur hour rap verses. As safe and uninspiring an artistic statement as you could possibly attempt to release in 2018.



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Comments:Add a Comment 
DoofusWainwright
April 28th 2018


19991 Comments

Album Rating: 0.5

Welcome to hot take valley, may I take your order?

Papa Universe
April 28th 2018


22433 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0 | Sound Off

HE DID IT! HE DID IT! BLESSED BE!

Papa Universe
April 28th 2018


22433 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0 | Sound Off

use this for the questions: ?

JJKeys
April 28th 2018


1084 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0 | Sound Off

I can't believe Doofus actually called for the eradication of women and plotted an incel uprising, wow

DoofusWainwright
April 28th 2018


19991 Comments

Album Rating: 0.5

Only bad thing is this review replaces my sound off - a long standing Doof law

DoofusWainwright
April 28th 2018


19991 Comments

Album Rating: 0.5

A Transformers uprising JJ, or was it Gobots

LethalPaintball
April 28th 2018


1003 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

pos

DoofusWainwright
April 28th 2018


19991 Comments

Album Rating: 0.5

Serious point time - I do dig the album cover.

luci
April 28th 2018


11881 Comments


We get it, you hate pop music by women. Why beat a dead horse?

rabidfish
April 28th 2018


5448 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

i'm so glad this is the default review. Let's keep it that way.



Disappointing record. lacks energy, sounds safe and sanitarized.

Digging: JP Bimeni And The Black Belts - Free Me

polyrhythm
April 28th 2018


2112 Comments


I refuse to believe this is a 0.5, even if it does prove disappointing

Digging: Goat - World Music

LethalPaintball
April 28th 2018


1003 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

anything can be a 0.5 if you dislike it enough

LethalPaintball
April 28th 2018


1003 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

"We get it, you hate pop music by women. Why beat a dead horse?"

even i know this isn't true and im barely even here anymore

DoofusWainwright
April 28th 2018


19991 Comments

Album Rating: 0.5

'Why beat a dead horse?'



Surely not, at least not when we're dealing with...



'Why beat a dead Prince-shaped horse?' - The Album

JJKeys
April 28th 2018


1084 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0 | Sound Off

Listening through rn and Pharrell Williams just dropped the line "yellow like pee" - I'm done

Like I get Janelle dropping obscenities about her pussy if its about female empowerment but this is just bizarre

rabidfish
April 28th 2018


5448 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

lol, everyone knows piss is supposed to be red, lmao

DoofusWainwright
April 28th 2018


19991 Comments

Album Rating: 0.5

I have to be honest I don't really distinguish between 'pop' and other music. Why's this pop and Beach House not pop? It's all the same. I just think this is very boring and sounds recycled.



I didn't like a single melody on the thing and I still can't really describe Janelle's signing - very nondescript.

butcherboy
April 28th 2018


9464 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0 | Sound Off

shit album is shit..

LethalPaintball
April 28th 2018


1003 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

Doof Has An Opinion I Dont Agree With Better Get Upset Over The Internet Grrrrrrr

Papa Universe
April 28th 2018


22433 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0 | Sound Off

Beach House is not pop?



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