Review Summary: *tips fedora polyrhythmically*
PRELUDE
O, the whimsy. Meshuggah is the collection of swally metallers whomst’d’ve’ly creates the djent genre of heavy metal, which oft can beest distinguished by nimble-footed musicianship and high optimal intellect. An oceanic support of carbon based humans doth not understandeth the aptness and acumen behind Meshuggah, but these art the same pleb normies who is't wend to church every Sunday and voted for Hillary Clinton. Tis comes to no surprise they wouldn’t understand. In many a way, Meshuggah is the Rick & Morty of music; many not comprehendeth and 't doth grasp a person with abnormally high IQ to truly understandeth the polyrhythms. Thou doth not knoweth the wit behind Pickle Rick also doth no knoweth the wit behind Meshuggah.
ACT I
Hailing from the nordland evergreen located at 60.1282° N, 18.6435° E in the northern hemisphere known as Sweden, Meshuggah plays in style known as djent metal, a subgenre of progressive metal that is often characterized by deep chugs, low tunings, and exponomically high understanding. To say with much embarrassment and sorrow from my tongue, Meshuggah did indeed enter the world as a thrash metal band akin to Metallica, a dark period of time whence they did do bethink the only way to produce music successfully wast by copying 4/4 pleb music. I can’t even say the name of that contradicting collapse on an album, it’s abnegating cecity a stain on the mattress of paralyzing ignorance. Cadaverous mastication it is, indeed a depressing revelation, but who is't can beest did shock at which hour we liveth in an ordinatrical whence a neanderthalic band like Metallica is controlling the minds of metallers? Thankfully, Meshuggah did realize they didn’t hast to copy Metallica (thrash metal, ha! O, the pity) and yarely inurn'd their debut with their sophomore album, Destroy Erase Improve, which did see the dawning birth of djent metal. Each album further explores this style of djent, each time getting moreso intelligent and progressive than the last. Which leads us to this album. O, pasai!
ACT II
ObZen ties with the other Meshuggah albums (as well as with a few Tool, Opeth, Steve Wilson, and maybe a Death album) as the greatest album ever released. Above all, it also ties first as the smartest album ever released. Contrary to the boring 4/4 time signature, Meshuggah chooses to instead conformulate music in 9/8, 5/8, 17/4, 11/9, 23.5/7, 5.5/5, 134/7.8196, and others. These time signatures are usually very difficult to count and usually it leads us Meshuggah fans to simply guess the time signature instead of counting, for we reserve our brain power for deciphering Tool lyrics and obliterating liberals (ugh, the thought of liberals brings me great displeasure). Meshuggah would never stoop so low as to use 4/4, begah! The thought is laughable. 4/4 is trash, the degeneration of the human mind and Meshuggah are way too smart to write in such a primitive time signature. Vieweth “Bleed” for example, song that’s so obviously not in 4/4 that it still remains a question as to what time signature it’s actually written in. 3/3? 6/6? 6/3.3? It’s unknown, but thus is the journey us Meshuggah fans take daily.
ACT III
The musicianship is equally as incredulous! Instead of wasting time on the other guitar strings, Meshuggah guitarist Fredrik Thordendal utilizes only the bottom string, playing only the ope note and haply the 14th or 15th fret every twenty or so ope notes. Normie six string guitars enwheel not the intellect of Meshuggah’s music, argal Thordendal wilt did lie-to a 13 string guitar tuned in did drop Z tuning. Each djent chug sounds as if 't be true a portal to another dimension is opening, though yond may beest thy cranium opening to allow intellect and knowledge. “The Spiteful Snake” displays unique soloing yond may seemeth odd to a Metallica fan, but unlike Kirk “Pentatonic” Hammett, Fredrik Thordendal creates his own scales and playing styles yond fit akin to his abnormal IQ. The rest of the band is equally as ordunguent. Jens Kidman’s vocals carryeth such anguish and atheism. His roars art deafening and match the galactical music perfect (ha, melodic singing, how last stage in human evolution.). Eke the album name, ObZen...what be that meaneth? Whey the random capitalized Z? The answers require deeper analysis and critical thinking only meant for an atheist Meshuggah fan. After all, the modern post Germanic English lexicon only allows so many gorgunal and posticular words to express the thoughts and lucid imagery of that of a Meshuggah seemid.
INTERMISSION
To provide a break of pace between my obviously intelligent Meshuggah paragraph, I bid thee some poetry!
O me! O life! of the questions of these recurring,
O myself forever reproaching myself?
O the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?
O for I am Pickle Rick, and my IQ is 180!
ACT IV
‘Tis be true that Meshuggah fans have higher IQ than the normal human. They wot moo than the other 99% of the populace, their opinions instantly weighted moo due to their sharp intellect. They doth needeth not plebeian bands like Gorillaz, Ozzy Osborne, Disturbed, Korn, or the dreaded anti-Christ known as Metallica (not yond I believeth in Biblical imagery because my IQ doesn’t allow such foolishness). We standeth as Trump’s army of logic, tipping our fedoras to nay mistress beneath our pulsating IQ. Speaking of women, there’s a stern reason as to why we don’t have girlfriends in our lives; you see, women only like football-playing Chads with square jaws, large biceps, and “yeet swag”. They eke seemeth to bethink bathing and personal hygiene art behoveful for the mating ritual known as ‘anal sex’. Us Meshuggah fans art too chivalrous for thots, as we only tip our fedoras to the finest of ladies. A true women of intellect doth not care about if I bathe or not. Because gals art mentally inferior to men, 't cometh to surprise not that they wouldn’t understand the polyrhythms and uncommon time signatures and would ahoy prefer their plebeian thot music like Amanda Grande and Metallica. Thus why I usually stick to anime to seek a superior waifu, such as Esudesu from Akama Go Kill!, a woman with very high intellect whom’st’v most certainliest grab a ganter from Meshuggah.
ACT V (aka Encoré)
Thus stands my opinion - ehem, FACT - as to why Meshuggah is mos’ wondrously phenomenal musical artist across all space and time. You may be thinking I need more explaining of the musical style or specific songs, but that only means you are an idiot with little understanding of intuition. For those whomst'd've open up their minds to accept the time signatures shall become the next stage in human evolution. Be the next time you see some liberal suiting a Metallica shirt, remember that lions doth not associate with sheep. If thou doth not like Meshuggah, knoweth thine place.
