Review Summary: Artificial Vintage
Drake and Josh…that’s where we all best knew Drake Bell is it not" We knew him for being the carefree and rebellious one of the comedy duo. It seems like times have changed fast, it’s like out of sigh Bell was just under the radar and went from a decently respectable pop rocker into a 50’s greaser. I’m unsure of how this evolution took place, and it’s not just his physical appearance, the whole album is a nod to late 1950’s rockabilly. I can get behind this change up, albeit it feels too forced, not to mention if Bell really wanted to go through with this, there should have been more grit with his production choices to go with his look. It’s like asking for a nice tall glass of orange juice, and instead you get that watered down Tampico bull***! You still drink it though because nonetheless it’s okay. The guitars and the vocals need a freaking jolt! Please Drake, have some grit to your voice. Someone make this production more lo-fi and let's see how that goes. That’s what my #1 complaint is driving for!
..….well aside from that you’re looking at an okay, not very serious, flamboyantly nostalgic pop record.
The lead single, “bitchcraft,” (wow, not easing into the adult territory here eh, Bell") is a great ambitious tune I wasn’t expecting to hear. It’s also got a slight novelty tone to. Almost something along the route of a few tracks you’d hear on The Beatles’ white album (of course not a classic though). A fan favorite is back on the album as well, “Makes me Happy”, after going through a car wash full of mousse, is as fun as you remember it. I’m also impressed with the closing track too, “Give me a Little More Time”, this is where I’m actually seeing a glimpse of emotion through Bell’s newfound persona in this fantastically soothing, “late night at the bar”, soft rock song. There should have been more emotion throughout this record. “Bull”, isn’t too bad either, a galloping country rocker song with a big, dumb, and fun chorus.
Well those four were pretty good, figures the rest are straight up average tracks, which is a shame because this is really the type of album where you were really cheering on the front man to do something better, and you wish you liked it more. They’re just too tame and some of the lyrics on these deep cuts (a stretch to call them deep cuts) are laughable. The track, “California Man”
“Well I cross my mamma so bad. And this woman, she's making me mad. So I don't care if your legs start aching. I'm a California man”
Hell man, I really don’t know about this one. Long before this track though you've probably seen the overly vintage references that are just too stale. It’s not the time period of course, the stereotypical lyrics of jukeboxes playing all day and silly lyrics about leaving home at the age of fifteen to become a runaway boy and use the few dollars you have to buy a new toy….…......I rest my case. I need some goddamn orange juice…
But hey, you have a handful of tunes that are decently passable. Hopefully that’s all the flashback 1950’s trip you need.
Save rock and roll
Album Rating: 2.5
rip in peace bellcas
Oh great, andcas jokes have already been made
Album Rating: 2.5 | Sound Off
Album Rating: 4.0
I started this album just because I was curious. The opener hooked me like crazy and I felt like an idiot because I was like "holy shit Drake Bell's album is awesome".
Yeah, it's absolutely dripping with faux-vintage sound, but it works. Drake's voice is excellent for it, and the songwriting is right what it needs to be.
Album Rating: 2.5 | Sound Off
Crits please? Otherwise these ghost negs are meaningless
I was born in Tampico so go fuck yourself with a copy of this album
Also this is pretty good
IT'S GONNA TAAAAAKE SOME TIIIIIME TO REEEEEALIIIIISE
BUT IF YOU LOOOOOK INSIIIIIDE I'M SUUUUURE YOU'LL FIIIIIND
This is beyond funny. Just look at that album art.
Album Rating: 2.5 | Sound Off
@Track, ahhh okay lol. There's a clear difference from a Providence and a beverage.
The album art is hilarious
His last album aint bad.
It's not a providence it's a state
And Tampico juice is freaking delicious
thinking the bourne identity car chase right now
I know Drake more from my dreams than I do his sitcom [LESSTHANTHREE]
The ghost negs aren't meaningless. This is an objectively bad review.
Read through it again and fix all your typos.
"I can get behind this change up, albeit it feels too forced, not to mention if Bell really wanted to go through with this, there should have been more grit with his production choices to go with his look. It’s like asking for a nice tall glass of orange juice, and instead you get that watered down Tampico bull***! You still drink it though because nonetheless it’s okay."
Do you really think these sentences are okay?
"California Man" is a Roy Wood-penned song, originally for The Move, but later made popular by Cheap Trick. It's nice that Drake has some taste. I remember watching Drake & Josh a lot when I was younger, it was a pretty good show, before kids shows got really lame. It's a decent album, some Ok covers and originals.
The Stray Cats covers "Runaway Boys" and "I wont stand on your way" are the best here. Cool that Setzer played on this
Album Rating: 3.5 | Sound Off
"Crits please? Otherwise these ghost negs are meaningless"
Alright, here we go:
You have solid points and I understand your reasoning behind the rating, but it's all presented in
an incredibly awkward piece of work. First off, grammatical errors - particularly fragment or run-on
sentences - are very frequent. Read some of these lines out loud and you'll know what I mean. For
"It’s not the time period of course, the stereotypical lyrics of jukeboxes playing all day and silly
lyrics about leaving home at the age of fifteen to become a runaway boy and use the few dollars you
have to buy a new toy….…......I rest my case."
That sounds really weird, even in a case like this in which I know what you're trying to convey. The
language just sounds very sloppy and bloated. I'd recommend reconstructing the sentence with
less "to"s or "and"s, perhaps adding a semicolon somewhere in there.
Also, some of the sentences simply lack purpose and don't fit in with the rest of the writing. For
instance, you spend the first paragraph laying down your position on this piece, only to dedicate a
sole line - spaced apart from the first paragraph - to saying:
"..….well aside from that you’re looking at an okay, not very serious, flamboyantly nostalgic pop
Putting this line on its own messes with the flow of the piece and, frankly, doesn't lend much
impact to the review or the reader. Having it at the end of the first paragraph would have made more
sense; just ditch the long ellipsis and capitalize that W. I'd recommend reconstructing the sentence
"Well, aside from that, you're looking at an ok - if flamboyantly nostalgic - pop record."
Or something along those lines.
Regardless, you at least have points to give... and you do backup your 2.5. It's just that the
structuring of this review needs a lot of work and your points need more fleshing out. I haven't
read any of your other reviews so I'm not sure how those fared, but I recommend you re-read and edit
this so it flows more smoothly and the grammatical errors can be fixed. I see potential for a sweet
review here, just a half-baked result. I can always help you if you'd like... grammar, wording, etc.
On another note, I actually enjoy this album quite a bit. Not Drake's best (that goes to his
previous album imo), but the vintage stuff can be quite fun