Review Summary: I'd rather listen to crabcore.
So we’re going to take this journey together, through a land that I’m not really sure what to expect. Judging by this album cover though, it looks like we’re in for quite the trip. I hadn’t realized I was on LSD until seeing her breast covered in scales, the fact that there are angel wings everywhere doesn’t help, and apparently she’s adapted some sort of telekinesis powers since there are wave lengths echoing from her a**. But this doesn’t even compare to the most astounding aspect of this cover, her ribs, in which she appears to have some sort of exoskeleton. I just can’t take my eyes off her poor ribs. Ok, but enough of that, it’s time to press play.
We start with the intro, there is paparazzi everywhere because apparently this girl can’t leave her house without being bombarded. Strange since I don’t get that from watching her show. Basically describing all the reasons why she shouldn’t be famous. Apparently she’s been through a lot. Parents divorcing. Her brother being a reckless driver. And the reason why this album even exists just spoke, Hulk Hogan. JEALOUSY. ENVY. DESTINY. FAITH. blah blah blah...
Oh God, the second track isn’t even 2 seconds in and I know this is going to be the worst album I’ve ever heard. Horrible beat. And there she is. I didn’t realize this song was a duet with her and autotuning. Her voice is so low; I almost mistook the second verse as a guy singing. This song is the epitome of why pop is hated, If you get freaky, There’s nothing wrong with that… I wanna see you strip; I wanna see your body.
It’s songs like these that clearly let us know the singer has never been laid.
Is the title of the second track. It sounds like it’s going to be catchy, and something Jennifer Lopez would release. But then the chorus comes and… Damn we learn that the white hair on the cover can’t be her natural hair color with lyrics like this, Me and you would be like Christmas Day, Cause when you smile, you shine like the month of May
. I’m not really sure where she celebrated Christmas… There’s somebody singing with her, but since everyone’s voice is so effing unnatural on this CD I have to see what gender this person is, so hold on. It’s tricky, cause the name is Colby O’Donnis" Anyone" Anyone"
The third track sounds like it’s going to be some slow ballad to showcase her voice. Just kidding, there’s the beat! Another duet, clearly this label doesn’t trust this girl to sell her own album. It’s not too bad, but it doesn’t sound anything different from the first two. Oh and it’s over, I’m not sure if I missed something, but nothing really happened, they just repeated “Baby you can trust me” over and over again.
The fourth track seems to be a Janet Jackson impression, and of course another guest appearance. Oh God, K-Fed has just been referenced on her CD. Had I heard this CD unaware in a car, I’d easily assume this was Kidz Bop-134
or something. The lyrics to this song are not saying anything different from the previous track. The chorus would be decent if it had imagination, And I'm fallin for him, I'm fallin in love, I never thought I'd fall in love, I never thought I'd fall in
. Every time I think I’m getting adjusted to a track it just ends, which I guess is a good thing, it’s not as painful as I thought it’d be.
Hey there’s a guitar on this one. Sadly, it took this CD 6 tracks before the albums own artist got to sing a song by herself. The chorus is absolutely dreadful. All I want is you And all I want is, All I need is you, And all I need is, All I want is you, Yea all I want is you, Yea you yea you, All I want is you, Yea, All I want is you, Yea you
. Once again nothing is really happening on this track, just lots of repetition, and nothing that she didn’t already say on the first song. Oh and it’s over.
Oh boy, so this track is titled Dear Mom
(kudos for originality), something about how her mom has changed and she can’t take it. So far it’s actually not bad. There’s some actual meaningful lyrics, clearly telling the story of the separation. Oh wait the chorus came in and I’m confused, Cause I didn't do anything to hurt you, Gave you the best that I can and it's true, (baby), (I try and I still love you)
. The usage of baby in the chorus reminds me of that one American Idol contestant who dedicated Let’s Get It On
to his parents. Oh wow, not only does she say sh*t, but also f*ck. Hmmm… They incorporate some argument between Brooke and someone who clearly isn’t the mother, you can barely tell what’s going on but basically her mom is a giant whore...or something.
YES! More Autotune! The transition between the songs is atrocious, this one is about sexual activities with handcuffs, even more reasons to believe the singer has never been laid. God, even more ridiculous lyrics, You got me handcuffed, Locked up cardiac arrest baby, Cause I’m in love with you
and it’s clear she has no idea how bad cardiac arrest really is, and she’s gonna need to do a lot of explaining to show how it relates to being in love. This is the worst song on the album so far.
A good thing to mention is that every track has started with, "Yeah! Baby!”. Oh wow this song is a direct rip off of “Womanizer”. I might skip this track. And wait till you get a hold of these inspirational lyrics, Baby ruff me up, up up up up up up , ruff me up up up up up , baby ruff me up up up up up up up , ruff me up up up up up
and we know she’s being hardcore cause she spell rough as ruff. Of course there’s a guest appearance, I was wondering what happened for a second. It’s Flo-Rida which is shocking, cause doesn’t he have his own career to crap on" Nobody makes sense on this record, Hey hey, hey shorty whats your ingredients, Wet my appetite like I'm rollin stones
Another “Yeah!” to start the track off, it’s a slow song. The Verse is boring. But the chorus just happened, and my mouth dropped to the floor, Your incredible, sexual, beddable, Beautiful, wonderful, f*ckable, Physical, emotional
. Song still isn’t good, but I’m trying to understand what Beddable means. Urban Dictionary says, “Adj. used to describe a sexually desirable woman or man. Comes from the idea that one is good-looking enough to take to bed.” I’m not sold on it.
I skipped track 11 after hearing the same lyrics again. Here’s this song called One That Got Away
which shows the absolute genius of young Brooke, What I gotta do to get it through to you, That I'm the only one who can love you like I do
, well duh. You know an album is starting to bore you when you start imagining ways you could kill yourself with the items around you. I’m tempted to drink my printers ink… Another guest appearance………………………….and the songs over.
This next track is absolutely laughable. She’s referencing herself to a phoenix rising to heaven above all her haters and peoples. I can just tell that this girl had suffered so much, having to be the daughter of a multi millionaire, her parents going through a divorce which is so unheard of, having her own television show documenting her every move, living in Miami Beach. I’m surprised this album isn’t more depressing.
And thank God we’ve reached the finish line, which is exactly what this last track is called, (so I decided to be as original as this album). Pretty stale track, but I guess I shouldn’t have expected much with all the crap that came before it. There’s no autotuning…yet. There’s about 40 of her singing back up though, soooo take that as you will. More amazing lyrics, I'm running, I'm running, I'm running, I'm running, oh, I'm running, I'm running, I'm running, I'm running, I'm running, I'm running, I'm running, I'm running, oh, I'm running, I'm running, I'm running, I'm running
. This song only talked about her running to the finish line, nothing else.
Last Word: Avoid