|EmeritusReviews 63Approval 98%Soundoffs 48News Articles 15Band Edits + Tags 39Album Edits 179Album Ratings 1789Objectivity 66%Last Active 12-13-12 8:10 amJoined 01-12-04Forum Posts 7,138Review Comments 3,901
|Streetlight's Guide To Writing Reviews|
Because people can't.
Get some. Write like you own the fucking band. Pretend you know everything there is to know about your record. Even if you don't. You'll only get away with this if you
Don't Be Lazy.
Think. And when you're through thinking, think some more. If you aren't delivering line after line of insight, stop writing. You might also need to
Don't just pretend. Actually know everything. The genre, the scene, the history. History in general, actaully. This will help when you realize that you need to
Stop Talking About The Music.
Seriously. Shut the hell up about the music, no one cares. And if you're going to talk about the music, do it only to illustrate a point. The idea is you should
Write Like You're Talking To Your Girlfriend.
Flirt a little. Tell a joke, tell a story, be casual, but not too vulgar. Make her laugh, get under her skin. Start getting too nitty gritty and she'll lose interest. Sex always sells. And if you're tying to bed the bitch, remember to
Have An Angle.
Don't just waltz in with a jumble of unorganized thoughts. Approach your review with something to tie them all together, a thread to keep your audience reading. And remember she'll never sleep with you if you don't
Treat Your Readers With Respect.
They're probably not as stupid as you think. And even if they are, don't let them know it. It makes them feel better about themselves and makes them far more agreeable. So if you're going to use big words, at least do it modesty. Also,
Unless you read. If you don't read, you don't write. Simple. For every review you write, read Gravity's Rainbow twice over. This will make you a better person. If you don't know Gravity's Rainbow, also stop writing.
|I don't know Gravity's Rainbow :(|
|I like this|
|i don't know gravity's rainbow either, guess im done reviewing guys :/|
list is funnier than mine
|only read V, not gravity's rainbow. im a failure|
|you contradict yourself so many times here its awful|
|I worship that book. god bless you, sir. |
|ffs none of you are listening if you don't know gravity's rainbow then wiki it and pretend you do. Rule no. 1.|
|i was gonna go ahead and just read it |
|list is not funny but good|
something that would actually be helpful in all these lists: which characters to avoid in MS word... long dashes, apostrophies, etc...
|what happened to the descriptions :(|
and gravity's rainbow is a mean mean woman
|delete and repost as an albums list|
|nobody know gravity's rainbow, not even you alex|
ps good list
|reviewing ain't no joke, step ya game up kid!|
|The genuine part of me enjoyed this. Excellent job.|
The jerk part of me laughed at the assumptions made in #7 :']
|I'm taking notes ;)|
|i have a man crush on your writing and therefore you..... thusm this is the bible ; )|
|Good stuff brah, thanks for the lessons|
|Dis is cool. And funny. But accurate.|
|cheers alex i think i will be gooder now|
|list is spot on|
|the first three are pretty fuckin true.|
|Gravity's Rainbow is immense and intense, but worth it if you really dig into it (/are required to for a class).|
nice list though!