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Things Women Say

And their literal translation
1"I hate the way my hair looks!"

Compliment me you fucking asshole because self esteem is too low and I depend on you to bring it up and can you pay for another hair cut and a pedi/mani and then take me out to lunch and buy me those new pants if you don't I swear I'll tell all your friend's about how you like a finger up the butt!
2"This movie is lame!"

I'm really too dumb to understand it and why are their subtitles and why can't they just speak English and I don't understand complex characters and P.T. Anderson sucks okay??
3"Do these pants makey ass look bigger?"

I know my ass is huge but I swear to God if you tell me it does I will throw out all of your jordans and then let the dog.take a shit on your Xbox.
4"Honey I feel fat!"

I've gained fucking five pounds this week and its all your fault and why did you take me to that place I told you to take me and why can't you buy me a $600 a month gym membership that I won't use?
5"I think we should move in together"

If you don't I'll chop off your nuts but it's not like I don't think I already have them in a jar and I really can't afford to sit on my ass all day and live alone so move in with me so you can pay the rent while I talk on my phone all day about how my vagina is never happy!
6"I can't wait for the day we get married."

I don't know what the translation is, because I'm usually in the car by the time the "w" word reaches her lips.
7"Don't worry. I'm on the pill."

I haven't taken it all week so I can trap you financially with a baby.
8"I dom't have any clothes to wear!"

You fucking scumbag take me to the mall so I can spend $900 of your rent money so I can look like a dime store hooker when I get hit on by that guy you hate so Mich at the club later.
9"No, he wasn't at the club last night!"

Stupid ass of course he was and he was grinding on me and basically dry humping on me all night but don't worry I didn't let him cum in my mouth out in the alley behind Art Bar.
10"I don't know what I should do with my life!"

I'm 24 years old and I' fucking dumb that I can't decide if I wanna be a whore or a pole dancing stripper my whole life but I expect you to pay for everything until I decide at age 52.
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