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Skyrim = Morrowind For Special Kids


Story- Fuck storytelling, we want a game that's easier for people to digest. Let's
make a game about a legendary hero who slays dragons to save the world. Now,
that's some genius storytelling right there.
2 Band

Gameplay- Okay, remember when RPGs involved strategic thinking and dedication
to clear monsters so players get a great sense of satisfaction after tough battles?
FUCK THAT. Let's get rid of half the spells and skills to limit gameplay, add some
fully sick slow motion scenes and have Michael Bay design the combat system.
Let's make some skills break the game so more kiddies can rape dragons!
3 Band

Characters: Now, we want players to feel that THEY'RE the most important
character in the game. This is easier for us so we don't need to bother coming up
with an interesting character that people will remember. Let's throw the same
shitty voice actors on everyone and the only slightly unique character is a shitty
joker clone. If other characters were cooler than the dovahkin, the kids will feel

Monsters: Okay, guys remember that game we made called Morrowind? Yeah, we
had some pretty unique ideas for monsters... Ummmm... Can you guys think of
any more monsters? No? Let's add Dragons, that's never been done in an RPG
before. We want our players to feel comfortable fighting monsters that they're
familiar with, i mean, who would want to fight something completely new and
learn to develop strategies? Not our customers!
5 Band

Dungeons: Add some bandits here... place some bear traps here and there. let's
put an iron helmet of restoration at the end of the dungeon. We want our kids to
feel rewarded for wasting half an hour on these shitty dungeons, so we feel that a
special helmet for special kids would be perfect.
6 Band

Environments: With maxed graphics, our water looks like water from Pokemon
Emerald! Except twice as gay and no surfing. We wouldn't want our kids to feel
any sort of immersion, we want kids to keep studying and being good kids, not

Quests: Okay, how do we engage our players without coming up with any sort of
interesting quest? ...How about we reuse the same quest, change the location,
change the quest giver and change the reward? BRILLIANT IDEA. Killing bandits
at Point A and killing bandits at Point B would be two completely different quests!

Difficulty: Okay, we want our kids to feel special for completing our game, how
about we make a master difficulty level where enemies hit twice the damage and
have twice the health pool? Of course, there would be no strategy at this difficulty
level, just longer battles but if we call it MASTER difficulty, our players will think
that its' actually hard!
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