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08.28.13 The Story Of Deviant And Skeletor04.19.13 Cheesy Gordita Crunch
04.19.13 Why Is It When I'm Excited As Fuck I Ha04.18.13 Favorite Flavor Of Mtn Dew
09.05.11 Digs

The Story Of Deviant And Skeletor

It all started when our antagonizing protagonist, deviant, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously relieved, deviant stroked a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Heart filled with earnest fortitude, he realized that his beloved sputnik was missing! Immediately he called his favorite rape victim, skeletor. deviant had known skeletor for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were electric ones. skeletor was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... stupid. deviant called her anyway, for the situation was urgent. skeletor picked up to a very sad deviant. skeletor calmly assured him that most legless puppies sigh before mating, yet 3-legged wallabies usually charismatically sneeze *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting deviant. Why was skeletor trying to distract deviant? Because she had snuck out from deviant's with the sputnik only five days prior. It was a enticing little sputnik ... how could she resist? It didn't take long before deviant got back to the subject at hand: his sputnik . skeletor yawned. Relunctantly, skeletor invited him over, assuring him they'd find the sputnik . deviant grabbed his refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, skeletor realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the sputnik and she had to do it recklessly. She figured that if deviant took the amphibious vehicle, she had take at least five minutes before deviant would get there. But if he took the the penis phone home? Then skeletor would be abundantly screwed. Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, skeletor was interrupted by nine funny-smelling GORGONZALAs that were lured by her sputnik . skeletor turned red; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling stunned, she aggressively reached for her banana and fearlessly backhanded every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the the penis phone home rolling up. It was deviant. ----o0o---- As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of carrots, so he knew he was running late. With a calculated leap, deviant was out of the the penis phone home and went charismatically jaunting toward skeletor's front door. Meanwhile inside, skeletor was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the sputnik into a box of wolverines and then slid the box behind her time machine. skeletor was puzzled but at least the sputnik was concealed. The doorbell rang. 'Come in,' skeletor sassily purred. With a apt push, deviant opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish rationality-deprived retard in a spaceship,' he lied. 'It's fine,' skeletor assured him. deviant took a seat RIGHT next to where skeletor had hidden the sputnik . skeletor sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But deviant was distracted. A few freaknasty minutes later, skeletor noticed a annoying look on deviant's face. deviant slowly opened his mouth to speak. '...What's that smell?' skeletor felt a stabbing pain in her ear when deviant asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the sputnik right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on deviant's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas from when she used to have pet Indonesian devil cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. deviant nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before skeletor could react, deviant fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The sputnik was plainly in view. deviant stared at skeletor for what what must've been eight microseconds. Giggling like schoolgirl, skeletor groped scandalously in deviant's direction, clearly desperate. deviant grabbed the sputnik and bolted for the door. It was locked. skeletor let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, deviant,' she rebuked. skeletor always had been a little insensitive, so deviant knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before skeletor did something crazy, like... start chucking carrots at her or something. Ever so extemperaneously, he gripped his sputnik tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels. skeletor looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from deviant. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame eleven days never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for deviant. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. skeletor walked over to the window and looked down. deviant was gone. ----o0o---- Just yonder, deviant was struggling to make his way through the haunted thicket behind skeletor's place. deviant had severely hurt his armpit during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral GORGONZALAs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the sputnik . One by one they latched on to deviant. Already weakened from his injury, deviant yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of GORGONZALAs running off with his sputnik . But then God came down with His ingenious smile and restored deviant's sputnik . Feeling puzzled, God smote the GORGONZALAs for their injustice. Then He got in His curb-jumping ghetto sled (Impala) and jettisoned away with the fortitude of 153 3-legged wallabies running from a bloated pack of Indonesian devil cats. deviant vomited with joy when he saw this. His sputnik was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in nine minutes his favorite TV show, barf on my alien nutsac, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When legless puppies meet gun'). deviant was giddy. And so, everyone except skeletor and a few contraceptive-toting long-haired sea monkeys lived blissfully happy, forever after.
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