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How To: Pizza

How to work successfully at a pizza place.... because nobody cares about music lists anyways.
1Icon of Coil
Machines Are Us

The first step is to get the job, which is surprisingly harder than it might seem. Most pizza chains (Pizza Hut, Papa Murphy's) consider themselves the shit and won't hesitate to pull out an extremely "higher than thou" attitude. What's a jobless person to do? Wear a suit, jacket optional. Wearing a suit you look like a Corporate Tool, which not only puts the interviewer on their heels but guarantee's you are the best dressed person in the store. If you're like me and dress alternative go for the Alkaline Trio look and leave those piercings in, roll those sleeves up, and break out that all black suit and blood red tie.
2The Kovenant

Once the job is yours be ready, you're not out of hot water just yet. You've got to prove that you're ass is worth something, so be prepared to bend over and be the entire stores bitch. Work like you actually want to make pizza the rest of your life, and clean like your daddy is going to rape you if you miss a spot. Once you've gained their trust and respect (however tiny that may be) you've got an easier time of it, sort of.
3VNV Nation

One of the best places to be in the store is in the back, or working "prep/dishes" as some places call it. Not only does this position let you be your own man/woman it also gives you access to the stereo, making the living hell you signed up for bearable. PLEASE NOTE that if you listen to other genre's than country, classic rock, or the Top 40 you'll be asked if you have "any REAL music" - you've been warned.
4Septic Flesh

Now that you've got the gist of your job down the monotony sets in, but for awhile it's nice. you know what to expect and you're good at what you do, things are looking up and for a few months a well deserved Kudos! to you is in order.
5Acumen Nation
The 5ifth Column

All of a sudden the world shifts and life sucks, the managers gone crazy. Like wildfire the store is in constant drama, be it pay or negligent employee's somethings always in the way of work; where did the contentment go? PERSONAL NOTE: It's here that I like to catch the servers bitching about pay, and slyly remark how they just earned my entire week's pay in a few hours.

Now you've started to get angry at the job, and have begun to walk a thin line. You're pretty damn great at what you do by now, but everyone keeps making more rules and treating you like you regressed back into a Neanderthal. You'll begin to make remarks about everything the manager says because it seems so dumb, and might even make the interesting choice of saying it to their face (for some reason managers hate being called out on not doing things correctly).
7Blind Guardian
At The Edge Of Time

Now you've really got to be careful, because you're so good at your job that they want to make you "shift leader" but here's the catch: the pay isn't that great and you've got 10x as many responsibilities. So you tell the manager no, and then before you know it everyone under the roof is becoming a shift leader and will be in charge of you; even if they know shit.
Crash Love

Like this album this will divide you, you'll want a raise because life's tough but then you'll think it's not that great of a place anyways.... you'll wake to realize that you've bcome stuck in a dead end job. Comments like "so I'll have you [working here] for another year right?" will start to stick out at you and constantly put you in a state of agitation.
The Dethalbum

Now every day is a chore, you've got the have that paycheck but everything seems darker (not in the good way) and hopeless. Only you can make the call here, it's quite easy to go find another pizza place but then the steps just repeat...

Now like the episode of South Park you've got to burn down the source of this trend, this horror, only figuratively. When you finally leave the store it's manatory to post a picture on FB with your building on fire, a very realistic picture. Flip off the manager (behind his back or in front of him) and say goodbye to the dumb, retards that work at pizza places. You're stepping up, you've got a better job, you're going to college, you're going to work at.... McDonalds.
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